How It Works
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: land of 10,000 lakes
Posts: 261
How It Works
How It Works
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
The 12
Steps
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
The 12
Steps
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Nashville TN
Posts: 42
How it Works
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."
Bill Wilson once said that he could change anything the Big Book it would be the word rarely. He said he would change that to never if he could.
This program is truly a gift from God.
Bill Wilson once said that he could change anything the Big Book it would be the word rarely. He said he would change that to never if he could.
This program is truly a gift from God.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Nashville TN
Posts: 42
Cool website
http://www.time.com/time/time100/her.../wilson01.html
Listen for the .WAV file that plays when you get to the site.
Listen for the .WAV file that plays when you get to the site.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 610
Vinnie, I don't want to ruin your thread here, but something's really bugging me and I wonder if anyone can help out a little.
"Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average."
This really hit a nerve with me the first time I heard it and almost every time from then on. Why? Because I think I may be an 'unfortunate' and that no-one would tell me if I am! I take this part of the book seriously because, well, they're still reading it out in meetings so there must be a lot of agreeance about these 'unfortunates' - but no-one I've asked seems to know much more about it.
So I'll just ask this...aren't all alcoholics 'naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty?' If so, what is it about these 'unfortunates' that makes them so incapable? Is it like a self-defeating attitude (that can be changed) or something inborn that can't be changed eg. genetic. I admit I still am not sure about character traits - which ones can be changed and which can't.
It goes on to say: "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps."
Well, what about the 'unfortunates?' What exactly should they do and how would they know if they were one of them? I am just so curious about this. It's probably a stupid question and very obvious...but not to me.
Thanks
"Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average."
This really hit a nerve with me the first time I heard it and almost every time from then on. Why? Because I think I may be an 'unfortunate' and that no-one would tell me if I am! I take this part of the book seriously because, well, they're still reading it out in meetings so there must be a lot of agreeance about these 'unfortunates' - but no-one I've asked seems to know much more about it.
So I'll just ask this...aren't all alcoholics 'naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty?' If so, what is it about these 'unfortunates' that makes them so incapable? Is it like a self-defeating attitude (that can be changed) or something inborn that can't be changed eg. genetic. I admit I still am not sure about character traits - which ones can be changed and which can't.
It goes on to say: "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps."
Well, what about the 'unfortunates?' What exactly should they do and how would they know if they were one of them? I am just so curious about this. It's probably a stupid question and very obvious...but not to me.
Thanks
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: land of 10,000 lakes
Posts: 261
DB,
If that is what you call ruining a thread.....keep ruining
em. What aw-some questions..it says "naturally incapable
of GRASPING and DEVELOPING a manner of living which
demands rigorous honesty." I too questioned this in the
beginning, my sponsor told me to read "In to Action"
so I did, on page 73 & 74 it says.."We must be entirely
honest with somebody if we expect to live long and
happily in this world."here, is where I found how to begin"..grasping and developing a manner of living
which demands rigorous honesty..."
I do not know about you, but in my case I was
able to lie to myself about practically everything.
I was capable of justifying my drinking with,
any excuse....it was raining outside...
the sun was shinning what a great day I'll make
it better....wrong!!!!! Rigorous honesty is something
I am striving for daily..it is not something that I "have".
The steps of this program give me a way to recover
from this disease. I will never finish them and as it says
at the end of that paragraph....."Many of us exclaimed,
What an order! I can't go through with it."
Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been
able to maintain anything like perfect adherence
to these principles. We are not saints. The point is,
that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.
The principles we have set down are
guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress
rather than spiritual perfection."
Thanks for sharing in your journey of recovery!!
You may want to ask your sponsor this one too..just a suggestion. I at one time had what I call a defective
moral quality of being a stranger...
the fellowship of this program has helped remove
that defect. Don't get me wrong, I still suffer from
the uniqueness factor but those in the program
whom I have grown to trust and whos opinions
I value can get me out of that in a flash!!
The "such unfortunates" I do not believe would even ask
some of these questions.
I am sure that others have had their own experences
and could give theirs,this is just mine.
Blessings,
Vinnie
If that is what you call ruining a thread.....keep ruining
em. What aw-some questions..it says "naturally incapable
of GRASPING and DEVELOPING a manner of living which
demands rigorous honesty." I too questioned this in the
beginning, my sponsor told me to read "In to Action"
so I did, on page 73 & 74 it says.."We must be entirely
honest with somebody if we expect to live long and
happily in this world."here, is where I found how to begin"..grasping and developing a manner of living
which demands rigorous honesty..."
I do not know about you, but in my case I was
able to lie to myself about practically everything.
I was capable of justifying my drinking with,
any excuse....it was raining outside...
the sun was shinning what a great day I'll make
it better....wrong!!!!! Rigorous honesty is something
I am striving for daily..it is not something that I "have".
The steps of this program give me a way to recover
from this disease. I will never finish them and as it says
at the end of that paragraph....."Many of us exclaimed,
What an order! I can't go through with it."
Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been
able to maintain anything like perfect adherence
to these principles. We are not saints. The point is,
that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.
The principles we have set down are
guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress
rather than spiritual perfection."
Thanks for sharing in your journey of recovery!!
You may want to ask your sponsor this one too..just a suggestion. I at one time had what I call a defective
moral quality of being a stranger...
the fellowship of this program has helped remove
that defect. Don't get me wrong, I still suffer from
the uniqueness factor but those in the program
whom I have grown to trust and whos opinions
I value can get me out of that in a flash!!
The "such unfortunates" I do not believe would even ask
some of these questions.
I am sure that others have had their own experences
and could give theirs,this is just mine.
Blessings,
Vinnie
Last edited by vinnietoo; 02-03-2003 at 07:14 AM.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 610
Vinnie,
you know it makes so much sense the way you explained it to me. I think I must switch off and get stuck when I start squirming every time this is read out.
I think what you're saying is that the 'unfortunates' don't GRASP and DEVELOP a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty, but not because they are not ABLE to do so?
Oh yeah I can be such a good liar that I can convince myself I'm telling the truth when I'm not. And I can still do it now, without even realising it - that's why I think I might be 'incapable' if you know what I mean.
I have asked my sponsor but she was a little hazy or maybe I didn't get the answer I wanted, I'll ask again.
"The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines." OK, I think I can swallow this one better now.
Thanks
you know it makes so much sense the way you explained it to me. I think I must switch off and get stuck when I start squirming every time this is read out.
I think what you're saying is that the 'unfortunates' don't GRASP and DEVELOP a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty, but not because they are not ABLE to do so?
Oh yeah I can be such a good liar that I can convince myself I'm telling the truth when I'm not. And I can still do it now, without even realising it - that's why I think I might be 'incapable' if you know what I mean.
I have asked my sponsor but she was a little hazy or maybe I didn't get the answer I wanted, I'll ask again.
"The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines." OK, I think I can swallow this one better now.
Thanks
Last edited by DolphinBlue; 02-03-2003 at 07:49 AM.
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Boston,MA
Posts: 10
I believe in thoroughly following the path I pray to the higher power on a regular daily basis I haven't had a drink since August I didn't do any 90 meetings in 90 days or two or three meetings a day Christ if I did that I'd be obsessed with drinking If I think about it all the time, I will drink, I want to forget about my drinking not remember it, I'm not knocking anyone who does believe me Different strokes for different folks I go to meetings on Friday and Saturday I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired One Day at a Time
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 710
Originally posted by Davis20022002
I believe in thoroughly following the path I pray to the higher power on a regular daily basis I haven't had a drink since August I didn't do any 90 meetings in 90 days or two or three meetings a day Christ if I did that I'd be obsessed with drinking If I think about it all the time, I will drink, I want to forget about my drinking not remember it, I'm not knocking anyone who does believe me Different strokes for different folks I go to meetings on Friday and Saturday I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired One Day at a Time
I believe in thoroughly following the path I pray to the higher power on a regular daily basis I haven't had a drink since August I didn't do any 90 meetings in 90 days or two or three meetings a day Christ if I did that I'd be obsessed with drinking If I think about it all the time, I will drink, I want to forget about my drinking not remember it, I'm not knocking anyone who does believe me Different strokes for different folks I go to meetings on Friday and Saturday I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired One Day at a Time
My past is my greatest asset
I was obsessed on a daily basis with getting my booze and drugs. Alcohol and drugs called all the shot in my life. Attending AA meetings is wonderful and the fellowship is absolutely necessary. What I learned is that I have to change the person that I brought through those doors. The anxious, irritable, discontent drunk who was doing it MY WAY, and it didn't work.
I had to take the suggestions.... all of them. It was shared with me to get to an AA meeting, sit and listen, identify and do not compare... take the suggestions....don't drink, keep coming, get a sponsor and call her. And if I wanted to change the person that I brought to these AA meetings.... then willingness is the key. Working, applying and practicing the 12 Steps in my life...and passing it on. Going to AA meetings is where we identify, talk with another drunk on a daily basis... and help one another to stay sober. But that will not change the person that I brought here.
There is the fellowship...and the program of 12 beautiful Steps that if practiced daily to the best of my ability.... will help me to stay sober, happy and FREE
When I got here I had a drinking problem.... today I have a "thinking" problem. This program for this drunk is not about NOT drinking anymore....its about LIVING one day at a time... in peace with God, and others. Happiness is "AN INSIDE JOB"
God Bless....don't drink, and keep coming no matter what
Yours In Recovery,
Patsy
Paused
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Lowell, MA
Posts: 26
For a long time I didn't need anybody's help. I could take care of myself on my own and my own way. I could live life on my will. I didn't need or want anybody elses help. I didn't need any help, period. Of course I was in the control of my disease of alcoholism and addiction.
The first time I came into the program, I didn't bother making any necessary changes. I did the program my way. Even less than smorgasboard style. I went back out.
Second time I came back, it was the same thing. No Higher Power, no spirituality, no sponsor. My way. Went back out.
This time, after being back out there for a little over 10 years, I got the Gift Of Desperation. I was beaten. I was truly destroyed mentally, physically and SPIRITUALLY. I was a dying man. So I listened like only the dying can.
If I wanted to just get sober and be miserable and eventually go back out, all I had to do, was do it my way again. Take my own will back.
If I want to RECOVER, then I have to be WILLING to do what those before me had done, to get what they have. And I wanted what they have. I wanted some clarity, happiness, joy and peace of mind. So what did I have to do. I had to get vigorously honest with myself and admit, I cannot do this alone. And I can not do it my way. I have already proven my way didn't work.
I had to surrender. I had to follow directions. I had to give myself to this program completely. I had to conform my will to God's. If I wanted to live a better life, I had to get honest with myself and depend on you people for help. And I had to get honest with you people to get the help I needed.
I think the backbone of this program is spirituality and the 12 Steps are the meat and potatoes. I have to be willing to be able to live by the spiritual principles of this program and work the 12 Steps in my life and live them in my life.
And as it states: "They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty."
I think I truly was that way. The Big Book and the 12 Steps require vigorous honesty.
So I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, who I chose to call God. I turn my will and my life over to the care of God, to the best of my ability. For I am only human. Today I am working on changes. Changing my alcoholic thinking, actions and habits. I am working on changing the person I came into the program with.
My life is getting better and I am getting better. I am becoming a person I always wanted to be, but was incapable of becoming.
And it is the teachings of this program, the 12 Steps and having a Higher Power in my life, that has made this all possible.
Without the willingness to work the program, I was for all intent and purposes as such;
"Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average."
I had to become willing to RECOVER. And not be satisfied with just getting sober.
There is a better way to live.
Harry
The first time I came into the program, I didn't bother making any necessary changes. I did the program my way. Even less than smorgasboard style. I went back out.
Second time I came back, it was the same thing. No Higher Power, no spirituality, no sponsor. My way. Went back out.
This time, after being back out there for a little over 10 years, I got the Gift Of Desperation. I was beaten. I was truly destroyed mentally, physically and SPIRITUALLY. I was a dying man. So I listened like only the dying can.
If I wanted to just get sober and be miserable and eventually go back out, all I had to do, was do it my way again. Take my own will back.
If I want to RECOVER, then I have to be WILLING to do what those before me had done, to get what they have. And I wanted what they have. I wanted some clarity, happiness, joy and peace of mind. So what did I have to do. I had to get vigorously honest with myself and admit, I cannot do this alone. And I can not do it my way. I have already proven my way didn't work.
I had to surrender. I had to follow directions. I had to give myself to this program completely. I had to conform my will to God's. If I wanted to live a better life, I had to get honest with myself and depend on you people for help. And I had to get honest with you people to get the help I needed.
I think the backbone of this program is spirituality and the 12 Steps are the meat and potatoes. I have to be willing to be able to live by the spiritual principles of this program and work the 12 Steps in my life and live them in my life.
And as it states: "They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty."
I think I truly was that way. The Big Book and the 12 Steps require vigorous honesty.
So I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, who I chose to call God. I turn my will and my life over to the care of God, to the best of my ability. For I am only human. Today I am working on changes. Changing my alcoholic thinking, actions and habits. I am working on changing the person I came into the program with.
My life is getting better and I am getting better. I am becoming a person I always wanted to be, but was incapable of becoming.
And it is the teachings of this program, the 12 Steps and having a Higher Power in my life, that has made this all possible.
Without the willingness to work the program, I was for all intent and purposes as such;
"Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average."
I had to become willing to RECOVER. And not be satisfied with just getting sober.
There is a better way to live.
Harry
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Not being someone who is "constitutionally incapable of being honest" and trying to practise honesty,I would like to believe that anybody can do it.
I still do not fully understand what "constitutionally incapable" means.The preamble itself states that even those with GRAVE emotional and mental disorders can recover if they can practise honesty.
Honesty is spiritual in nature and not biological therefore it is available to all.If I have no arms or legs one lung and only half a brain I can still recover if I can think of the principal of honesty.
But what does rigorous honesty mean.
In a most basic sense.Rigorous honesty means for me that I must not only stop drinking alcohol but I must also put aside all the other mind or mood altering substances that I still use as crutches and that still separates me from God.
I must also check my motives on a regular basis and know if my intentions are pure or self seeking.
Practising rigorous honesty for me is not an easy thing to do sometimes,but then I have to remember."We are not saints".
I also have to remember that I am in recovery to have a healthy life and have some fun therefore a cardinal rule for me too is "Not to take myself too darn seriously.
I am an imperfect soul full of character defects,those defects are not removed from me because in doing step seven I go down on my knees and ask God to remove them.No,they leave me when I begin to "practise The spiritual laws of the programme in my daily life.
Also I do know that My programme tells me that "More will be revealed" and that situations that used to baffle us will become clear.
So I can only continue working my programme and studying the literature and I am sure even some of those nagging questions about recovery will be answered.
Peter.
I still do not fully understand what "constitutionally incapable" means.The preamble itself states that even those with GRAVE emotional and mental disorders can recover if they can practise honesty.
Honesty is spiritual in nature and not biological therefore it is available to all.If I have no arms or legs one lung and only half a brain I can still recover if I can think of the principal of honesty.
But what does rigorous honesty mean.
In a most basic sense.Rigorous honesty means for me that I must not only stop drinking alcohol but I must also put aside all the other mind or mood altering substances that I still use as crutches and that still separates me from God.
I must also check my motives on a regular basis and know if my intentions are pure or self seeking.
Practising rigorous honesty for me is not an easy thing to do sometimes,but then I have to remember."We are not saints".
I also have to remember that I am in recovery to have a healthy life and have some fun therefore a cardinal rule for me too is "Not to take myself too darn seriously.
I am an imperfect soul full of character defects,those defects are not removed from me because in doing step seven I go down on my knees and ask God to remove them.No,they leave me when I begin to "practise The spiritual laws of the programme in my daily life.
Also I do know that My programme tells me that "More will be revealed" and that situations that used to baffle us will become clear.
So I can only continue working my programme and studying the literature and I am sure even some of those nagging questions about recovery will be answered.
Peter.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
Posts: 724
Great thread Vinnie,
'Constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves" '
Naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty'
I had trouble understanding this in the beginning too. Mainly because once I got to the program, it was all over for me. AA was my only choice at that point. I had to get it or I was going to die. I was willing to do anything and I knew it. I was scared into having no choice but to be honest. I worked very hard for a lot of years to hide my addiction. By the end I was beat and I was tired. Getting honest was freedom to me.
I learned what constitutionally incapable means by watching my husband. He has been in and out of AA since 1984. When he first relapsed he continued to go to meetings for a while, then stopped. Since then he has been sober on and off. Since we have been married he has not drank but he continues to smoke pot on and off. Right now he's drug and alcohol free but my guess is that he will use again because he is constitutionally incapable of being honest with himself. This is not about lying or manipulaing like we are talking about. This is about such deep denial that you can't see any problem. Since the first day I met him he has not addmitted that he is an alcoholic. he says he abuses alcohol and he quit because he felt like he was becoming unhealthy. He drank a lot every night and his life was unmanageable but he doesn't have a problem. Our marriage is/was falling apart because he would sneak and lie and smoke pot but he thinks that is not the problem, it's everything else. It has been almost 20 yrs. since rehab after many years of abusing alcohol and he doesn't see any problem to the point where we went to a meeting together, he was smoking at the time, and shared about how great it is to be sober. He lit up a bowl on the way home. Constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.
'Constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves" '
Naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty'
I had trouble understanding this in the beginning too. Mainly because once I got to the program, it was all over for me. AA was my only choice at that point. I had to get it or I was going to die. I was willing to do anything and I knew it. I was scared into having no choice but to be honest. I worked very hard for a lot of years to hide my addiction. By the end I was beat and I was tired. Getting honest was freedom to me.
I learned what constitutionally incapable means by watching my husband. He has been in and out of AA since 1984. When he first relapsed he continued to go to meetings for a while, then stopped. Since then he has been sober on and off. Since we have been married he has not drank but he continues to smoke pot on and off. Right now he's drug and alcohol free but my guess is that he will use again because he is constitutionally incapable of being honest with himself. This is not about lying or manipulaing like we are talking about. This is about such deep denial that you can't see any problem. Since the first day I met him he has not addmitted that he is an alcoholic. he says he abuses alcohol and he quit because he felt like he was becoming unhealthy. He drank a lot every night and his life was unmanageable but he doesn't have a problem. Our marriage is/was falling apart because he would sneak and lie and smoke pot but he thinks that is not the problem, it's everything else. It has been almost 20 yrs. since rehab after many years of abusing alcohol and he doesn't see any problem to the point where we went to a meeting together, he was smoking at the time, and shared about how great it is to be sober. He lit up a bowl on the way home. Constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Boston,MA
Posts: 10
I am older and more mature now my heaviest drinking and drug use was when I was in high school and college(marijuana not cocaine I think that stuff is more addictive than alcohol) I have two kids a stable marriage the first time ever the same job for four years This never would have happened if it wasn't for sobriety The Higher Power has looked out for me and I am grateful because I could be dead I like sobriety but I don't see any reason to go 7 nights a week I go on Friday and Saturday the days I usually drank I would prefer not to think about drinking all the time
Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 610
Awesome thread. What a great contribution from you all.
Many things have happened for me since asking about this. I was looking at the word 'incapable' all wrong and, out of fear, decided that there was little point going on if I couldn't get this honesty bit right. I didn't realise that it is perfectly natural for me to be dishonest and it's something I can observe and change if I want to.
I am in a "wow' stage at the moment and things are going well, which makes me nervous at times...but I'm enjoying learning from everyone, including all of you here. Thanks
Amy
Many things have happened for me since asking about this. I was looking at the word 'incapable' all wrong and, out of fear, decided that there was little point going on if I couldn't get this honesty bit right. I didn't realise that it is perfectly natural for me to be dishonest and it's something I can observe and change if I want to.
I am in a "wow' stage at the moment and things are going well, which makes me nervous at times...but I'm enjoying learning from everyone, including all of you here. Thanks
Amy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
