JessicaNAJ

But I'm still a little myphed.

I called the State of Ohio Income Tax to check the status of the Refund Check (G told me he had not gotten it yet). I was planning to have it routed to my address.

Well....too little too late. It's already been delivered and cashed. I thought since both of our names are on the check, I would have to sign it also in order for it to be cashed....Guess not. So typical.


On another note.....remember the last school project my son had. I waited and waited for G to help him out (I didn't have the patience G does). Well, I decided (since I'm on this medicine and all) that I will help my son. So, guess what we are going to do tonight?? I can't wait. I hope I can make it fun for him and not a chore. Now, what do I do if he (my son) starts giving me the "I don't care, I just want to get this done...whatever, you do it" attitude?

pmaslan

Hmmmmm I kind a think that's called forgery Jess......

StandingStrong

That's what I was thinking!!!!!!!

LaTeeDa

I know my bank won't take a check payable to two people but only signed by one........

elizabeth1979

Mine wont either.

BigSis

Yeah... it would be forgery where I live, too.

Any reason not to report to the IRS that you did not receive, nor did you cash the check?

meli2005

I would contact your bank and complain about this.

minnie

Jess, only a little miffed? I would be fuming.

What if I cashed one of your cheques? What would you do?

Cynay

Do you still have a bank account with his name on it too???? He could have deposited into that and then taken it out.... if not I dont think my bank would either.

gelfling

I don't know about you, but I'd be a hell of a lot more than miffed. Out and out pissed would better describe how I felt after finding out that he had "FORGED" your name, which is a felony, onto a tax refund check.

I do sign hubby's name on his weekly checks, but the bank is cool with that. They've known us for 20 years. But when it comes to income tax refunds, even if we deposit it, it's GOT TO BE SIGNED BY HIM and they double check to make sure the signature is his.

You've got lots of routes to take if you want to take this further. Totally illegal and punishable by law; unless of course, you can G to cough up half the dough now with no promises of giving it to you later.

minnie

And I reckon doing nothing would come under the heading of "enabling". But only on the check thing. On the project thing, doing it for your son would also be enabling.

Gosh, it's a tipsy-turvey world.

ASpouse

Calmly ask him if that's the best he can do? If he says "yes", then say OK, let's get it together for school, you can take it like this. Tell him he did a good job and forget about it. The teacher will handle it from there.

....... and yes that is forgery, call the bank and let them know ASAP. I would say that "someone" signed and cashed your check and that your husband said he didn't get it. You would like an investigation right away. Then I would call the state back and tell them that someone stole the check and cashed it. They should get right on it.

elizabeth1979

Notice how only Judy answered her question and the rest of us freaked out about the check?

JessicaNAJ

No...Nothing I have is in his name too. My account is in my name only.

You know....it's not healthy for me "right now" to get mad (although when I first found out I was fuming). I get out of control. The best thing I can do is process what I'm feeling and deal with it in a way that I can. I did call the State of Ohio Income Tax Department and I did tell them that I did not sign for the check. The guy on the phone told me that he could send a trace out for the check, but that it would be mail to G's address and G would have to sign that he did or did not get it. He also told me that "his wife signs his checks all the time" so really, b/c we're married ...it was ok... ???

My first reaction was call G and ask him about it. But before he answered, I hung up...I wasn't ready to have this conversation with him. I guess he saw my number on the caller ID and called me back. I asked him. He told me no, he didn't get it (I didn't expect the truth). So I told him about putting a trace on the check b/c it was cashed and neither of us received it or signed for it. THEN he tells me the truth...that he did get it and he did cash it....said he was planning to pay me back but couldn't get the money. I didn't know what to say from there....I was speachless...I said "I don't understand...I'm never going to understand". I guess b/c I wasn't sympathetic or whatever with his answer he voice got louder and started yelling and then he tried to blame me for him cashing it. Told me the reason he did it was b/c he needed the money and b/c I was being so "tight" with everything, he figured he'd just cash it. I'm not accepting that blame...I hung up the phone. He called back....he wanted to yell at me, he tried to get me to yell back...but I sat speechless. He then hung up telling me that I really got him freaking out.




Thank you Judy....I will practice this before I sit down with him. This is his and I want him to be proud of it. he's growing up....he's going to be his own person....I cannot force anything more out of him than he is capable of doing. I need to be patient, understanding, and put myself in his place. I need to remember what it feels like to be proud of something I worked so hard on and allow him to feel that sense of accomplishment.

ASpouse

It's cause I have kids who do projects and I HATE PROJECTS! I always ask the teacher who is promoting my kid to the next grade to please NOT promote them to a project happy teacher !

My daughter had a project in 3rd grade to make Amelia Earhart (sp?) out of a 2 liter soda bottle ..... I kid you not! We went to a craft store with soda bottle in hand and told the crafter on staff what we needed to do ...... yes she gave us a look and asked if we were sure that was the project ... yep, we were.

So we bought fake hair, glasses (aka flight goggles), stuff to make arms, legs, and this stuff to make a "leather" flight jacket.

We spent hours, perhaps an entire Sunday afternoon and I told my daughter she was such a wonderful student, to just get a zero, it wouldn't matter much to her grade and not do the project. She insisted and it was horrible, I mean absolutely horrible. She proudly bought it to school and they displayed all of them in the school showcase for about a week or so. She bought it home with a B grade and I promptly tossed that piece of trash in the garbage, which my husband took out and saved it in her special "box".

So I have experience with this stuff ..... Jess should let her son "do his best" go to school and let it fly. Most times it flies quite well!

ASpouse

I'm happy Jess that he admitted he cashed the check. My feeling is that his yelling and carrying on, although it really doesn't matter as far as YOUR concerned, is because he was caught in a lie.

You know the truth, process it and let it go. You are doing good. If you are being tight with everything, it is because you are raising two children and supporting yourself, you are being financially responsible and thrifty and taking care of what is important. He is not, but that is OK ..... THAT BELONGS TO HIM! Remember the post you made a few days ago about being a better parent and spending time with your kids.

Now that you know G does this sort of thing, well next year, don't file your taxes with him. That way, you'll get your refund and he'll get his.

My advice for what it's worth, discuss it at Al Anon and with your therapist, process the information and move on. It's all part of recovery, the anger, the resentment, the realization and then hopefully acceptance and the ability to move on. You'll do it Jess, you are doing it already and probably don't even realize it.

Live

Maybe I am a wuss, but I usually figure I can make the money and make up the money and dealing with the grief of dealing with them isn't worth it.
I do mean that.
I just had $200 lifted from me.
I figure they get to live with knowing they thieved from a friend. G gets to know he thieved from his own kids etc etc etc.
But this is not to be taken as advice, I am just spouting. You do what you need to.
Glad you reported it

Pick-a-name

Same here. I always was available and helped our kids with projects, but......they were THEIR homework projects, not mine. I had already done my work for that grade and passed. Often it was different than I would have done, but it was theirs......to be proud of or to learn to put more effort on it in the future. JMO

ASpouse

That's exactly how I feel.

brightlight

[QUOTE=JessicaNAJ] He then hung up telling me that I really got him freaking out.

Boy oh boy, I would have mine freaking out if he pulled that and another thing I would do is I would be after him for money to help support his 2 kids, so that when his son asked to go bowling with you, you could say sure and take him and not worry about money. I see it that all he is doing is wasting his money and his life, and he could be paying support, go to jail, or move back in and have a job and help support his family, and the option of being a bum in a room with another bum and have no responsibilites other than driving around with an open container, well, that would not be an option! I say time to grow up and time to pay up! Who do these people think they are?? I am not just yelling about your G, it is all of them that live like that and my A would too, and his brother kind of lives that way too.