prodigal

Both of the A's I've been involved with have told me the same thing: I really know how to push their buttons. Now what the heck does that mean???? A couple of weeks ago, my A and I went out to dinner in San Diego. We were having a great time. About four blocks from the motel, he jumps out of the car! I drove back to the motel and I saw him walking up the street. Go figure. I asked him the next day why the hell he jumped out of the car in the middle of the street. "Because you sure know how to push my buttons." I asked, "So what specifically did I do that made you think I was pushing your buttons?" "I don't remember." He never REMEMBERS - at least most of the time - why he suddenly does asinine stuff like that, but it has to do with this button-pushing idea.

I ended the conversation by saying, "NOBODY can have their buttons pushed unless they allow it." Jeesh, what an ass!

ASpouse

Hmmm, that's interesting. I'd say when my husband was drinking, before recovery, that I did push his buttons, to get a reaction, something that seemed "normal" to me from him.

He never said I pushed his buttons, but I knew when I did and I also knew exactly what I was doing and saying to get a reaction. Just a thought, maybe you were pushing his buttons? It's hard to say. It's something I guess you need to look at and decide for yourself. It's a tough question to answer based on the information you gave.

Cynay

Im a great button pusher.

But Im in recovery for that.....

Another thought is this... sometimes they want to be mad at us because it is easier to be mad at us then it is to look at themselves... I have been told by a few A's that they would pick a fight to give them an excuse to leave and drink etc....

megamysterioso

Yep- I've heard it hundreds of times. I've always replied pretty much in the same way you did, "you and only you are in control of your reactions to things." It's a ridiculous cop-out thing to say IMO. My AH barely remembers anything either.

minnie

I'm not sure I was a button pusher - I was more interested in avoiding the buttons, so I still knew exactly where they were. That said, it became quite clear that whatever I said that "made" him react was another button to be labeled. Twas mainly nonsense, though - he pressed his own buttons often enough to give him an excuse to drink. Actually, not only to drink - arguing, hours-long discussions about our relationship, any other kind of drama suited well enough to take the focus off whatever was going on inside his head.

My guess is that he doesn't remember because it doesn't exist.


*edit* I have to come clean and say I DID push the buttons on occasion, but usually only when the argument was in full swing and I was getting frustrated by the circular arguments. Gosh, what madness I remember.

LaTeeDa

Big time button pusher here. I always knew exactly what to say or do that would "get to him" the most. I see now that I was so angry and felt so superior, that I felt I was justified. Quite embarrassing to admit how sick, sick, sick I was.

L

CatsTail

That's our side of the illness of alcoholism, it's all part of the same game.

But we can change that by looking at ourselves and our behaviour if we want to.

Ngaire

Weasel4IR

Yep, been there!

There have been many times that he thinks I want to fight because of something that I said and I honestly don't even know what got him started. He will talk/argue in circle and the subject goes nowhere, it's like beating a dead horse.

There are times I just have to agree to get him to stop, nuts I know but hey it works most of the time. As far as pushing the buttons, okay yea I have been known to push his. I know exactly what to say and what not to say.

But, I also know when to say nothing!

Hugs

StandingStrong

I am a great button pusher.
I have also been accused of being an instigator and enjoying fighting/arguing.

That being said though, I must still be a great button pusher because anything that ah doesn't want to talk about - like the mere mention of his fling's name - will guarantee him going into defensive P O MODE. As well as my mentioning any of his broken promises, lies, or faults of any kind. Hmm......so yea, I guess since I ask questions and actually want to talk about issues instead of avoid them that makes me a button pusher.

Hard to tell if you really pushed a button or not prodigal. You could have, or it may have just been an excuse on his part, guilty conscience, or whatever! Truly, sometimes it's just too hard to tell.

The undrunken 1

Buttons>>>I've been told I'm so good at pushing them.oh yea..and I do at times.I'll admit too it.

Miss Tennessee

That's interesting. Usually my
AH is trying to push MY buttons. Always trying to start something. Every single day. I seldom do the dance anymore because that's what he wants me to do. Not responding actually helps the situation.

bahookie

I got accused of this last night - but this time, instead of disappearing into a cloud of self-doubt I realised that it's usually a diversionary tactic and infact I wasn't pushing any button, I was discussing a subject she didn't want to.

No doubt I do push other buttons at other times though, and I KNOW I let her push mine.

At least we're both starting to recognise it!

J
xxx

pmaslan

Ugh...how I remember all that button pushing drama...
on both sides really...
not to mention all the mind f'ing.....
How ever did I survive it all ??????

Oh yeah mine used to say....
"You really know how to bring out the best in people Patty..."
Just loved hearing that over and over again.....

elizabeth1979

Mind f'ing.
Indeed. I used to love that word!
I do believe Ill put it back into my vocabulary.

Prodigal, yeah me too. I got that alot also.
Also I was a part of James Bond jumping from cars action packed scenes as well. Why in the he** would anyone do that I used to aks myself?

I think bc they are pushing our codie buttons, so we feel the need to rescue them from danger (clearly jumping out of a car is danger), and I know in my case, I would think, Geez, maybe I shouldnt have said that, go straight into codie silence, bc I didnt want him to harm himself anymore.

Aquiana

The one thing worse than a button pusher is two button pushers together. Both G and I are brutal for that. That's what can make our arguments so volitile. It becomes a test to see who can push the worst buttons the fastest and the hardest. It's something that at least I have to work on all the time when we argue, or if I'm just in the mood to argue. I can usually refrain from pushing his now unless he pushes mine first.... then I can't always stop myself from retaliating for it. Many times I just have to walk away. Sometimes far away.

Pick-a-name

This pretty much sums up my "button-pushing", as far as I am concerned. "Picking on him"= not buying what he was selling. haha

Live

Geez, I am thinking that anyone who knows another well knows how to "push a button", hit a hot spot if you will. I also know that some people are just one big button waiting to go off. And you could spend the rest of your days trying to figure out what/how you pushed a button.....and ya didn't do a darn thing.

Either way it's a yukky game.