Confused
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Massillon, Ohio
Posts: 387
Confused
Since I have been at college my relationship with my dad has improved greatly and my relationship with my mom has not improved it has went the over way. Why would this happen? I am confused with this right now. My dad has not had a drink in a year but my mom is still the same. I am improving my dad is improving and my mom is not. It is sad to see my mom not happy. I know I can't change my mom. I just want her to be happy. I have been angry with my mom because before she did not care about my grades and when I got my midterm she yelled at me for the grades on them. What was that? I am confused that is for sure.
Love,
Shana
Love,
Shana
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: northern minnesota
Posts: 269
hi,
well, all i can tell you is what happened with me. my mom, she was really hard on me, seems like from day one she was on my case. I never felt I was good enough. I never felt she was happy, with me, with my family. nothing.
and do you know what? that was just her. that was how she was about most everything. she felt if she let up on me for one minute I would fail. and what I really wanted was her to be warm, like the other moms I saw at college. But she wasnt. she was herself. and still is.
as for your dad, well. just enjoy the time with both your folks. let them be themselves, and if they change, its on their own. you cant change them.
remember, change what you can, accept what you cant, and be wise enough to understand the difference.
one step at a time kiddo,
quietsins
well, all i can tell you is what happened with me. my mom, she was really hard on me, seems like from day one she was on my case. I never felt I was good enough. I never felt she was happy, with me, with my family. nothing.
and do you know what? that was just her. that was how she was about most everything. she felt if she let up on me for one minute I would fail. and what I really wanted was her to be warm, like the other moms I saw at college. But she wasnt. she was herself. and still is.
as for your dad, well. just enjoy the time with both your folks. let them be themselves, and if they change, its on their own. you cant change them.
remember, change what you can, accept what you cant, and be wise enough to understand the difference.
one step at a time kiddo,
quietsins
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Has your mom attended Alanon or seen a counselor or anything?
I am just wondering because I'm sure that living with your alcoholic father for so many years has affected her in many ways. And she will only change if she wants too and is willing too and makes the effort too. This is entirely up to her and there is really nothing you can do about it.
You have to remember that alcohol affects everyone in a different way.
I know that many times when a person stops using - it doesn't just make those around them all happy. It's a lot of work to change ourselves - not just expect that life will be great once the drinking stops. The affects of one using can last a lifetime.
If you are concerned about your mom, you can always try to talk to her and ask her why she doesn't seem happy or supportive of you, but don't expect that she will answer. This may just be the way she is and she may continue to stay that way.
Just keep focusing on YOU! Be happy with YOU!
I am just wondering because I'm sure that living with your alcoholic father for so many years has affected her in many ways. And she will only change if she wants too and is willing too and makes the effort too. This is entirely up to her and there is really nothing you can do about it.
You have to remember that alcohol affects everyone in a different way.
I know that many times when a person stops using - it doesn't just make those around them all happy. It's a lot of work to change ourselves - not just expect that life will be great once the drinking stops. The affects of one using can last a lifetime.
If you are concerned about your mom, you can always try to talk to her and ask her why she doesn't seem happy or supportive of you, but don't expect that she will answer. This may just be the way she is and she may continue to stay that way.
Just keep focusing on YOU! Be happy with YOU!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Massillon, Ohio
Posts: 387
thanks you too. I know I can't change my mom and i know that just beause my dad is not drinking that everything will be fine and that you do have to work at it. I wish I could talk to my mom and I don't know how to talk to her. it has been like this for a long time now 15 years. I know my mom has been affected by my dad's drinking and my brother to but in different ways. No my mom does not got to Al-Anon but she knows about it because I do to Al-Anon meetings I am helping myself but I wish my mom would help herself.
Shana
Shana
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