need to make a decision
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need to make a decision
I need help in deciding what to do with my AH. He went into rehab last May and I thought did well. He's now had 2 relapes, the second one today. He is out of town on business and instead of going to meetings he stayed in the hotel and drank. I tried to call him all day and finally reached him tonight. He is totally drunk but how could he be and on antabuse?????? I gave him one yesterday morning and he still drank on it. Thank goodness my parents and his are in the town where he is and I sent both fathers to the hotel to get him- His boss is also wanting to know what is going on- I told him (rightly or w
rongly) that he is a recovering alcoholic and that I hadn't heard from him either. We'll see if he still has a job after this.
Now for my decision, should I stay and see if he comes up with a plan and follows it or do I and our daughter move and leave him to do whatever. I knew deep down that this was happening but keep telling myself that he couldn't be since he's on antabuse. Is there any thing that will block the effects of antabuse?
For some background, I quit drinking last January and myAH was suppose to have then also, but started sneaking and hiding it till I gave him a choice of going into Inpatient rehab or me and daughter leaving. He left and went on a week long binge and ended up in the hospital thinking he was having a heart attack it turned out to be a pancreus (spelling?????) attack due to his drinking. I have no problem not drinking but I also have not worked in 13 years and I'm not sure what I could do for a job to support my daughter and me. I have been reading SR for a long time but this is the first time I asked for some type of direction. And no, I have not been to Al-alnon, that is on the agenda for tomorrow. I'm also calling a counseler. I am a nervous wreak and just don't know what to do!!!! Please help me get through this.
rongly) that he is a recovering alcoholic and that I hadn't heard from him either. We'll see if he still has a job after this.
Now for my decision, should I stay and see if he comes up with a plan and follows it or do I and our daughter move and leave him to do whatever. I knew deep down that this was happening but keep telling myself that he couldn't be since he's on antabuse. Is there any thing that will block the effects of antabuse?
For some background, I quit drinking last January and myAH was suppose to have then also, but started sneaking and hiding it till I gave him a choice of going into Inpatient rehab or me and daughter leaving. He left and went on a week long binge and ended up in the hospital thinking he was having a heart attack it turned out to be a pancreus (spelling?????) attack due to his drinking. I have no problem not drinking but I also have not worked in 13 years and I'm not sure what I could do for a job to support my daughter and me. I have been reading SR for a long time but this is the first time I asked for some type of direction. And no, I have not been to Al-alnon, that is on the agenda for tomorrow. I'm also calling a counseler. I am a nervous wreak and just don't know what to do!!!! Please help me get through this.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
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welcome alhusband. no one can tell you whether to leave or stay but going to al-anon and counseling is a good first step. i cannot answer the antabuse question. you have to decide what your boundaries are and what you can live with right now. prayers to you and i hope you can line up a good counselor.
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I knew that someone would say exactly what you did. I'm just so tired of worrying everyday if he'll slip almost like I knew he would that it was just a matter of time. My dad called and my AH choose to go home with him. I guess he didn't want to face his mom. It's so hard. AH is such a wonderful person, he has never hit or threatened or ever raised his voice to me. He just drinks!!!!
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alhusband - alcoholism is a progressive disease. if he continues to drink it will get worse. i think most of us could say that our A's are wonderful people when not drinking. my husband was a great provider, personable and did not physically abuse me. but his disease progressed to the point where he got a DUI, in and out of the hospital/detox, outpatient treatments and eventually ended up accidently drowning in the hot tub six months ago. i don't tell you this to shock you - just know that if he doesn't consider sobriety things will NOT change but will probably deteriorate. that's why it's important for you to take care of you and your child.
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He knows this but cont. to drink--- BUT I WILL do what is best for my baby. Thank goodness and HP that I have such supportive parents and inlaws- I love them both so much. Our families will support us in what ever dicision we make.
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I just got off the phone with my parents- AH is in bed and at least I know he's safe. I guess I need to start thinking about what kind of job I can find. It's been soo long since I worked for a paying job. I love him so much but I can't live this way. Thanks to you for responding.
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Just a quick note to let y'all know there are some misconceptions about antabuse.
Yes, with many alcoholics it will make them sick. With some they just don't drink on it because they are afraid of getting sick.
And there are those like I was, I was forced to take the antabuse, and I didn't give a rat's a** I drank anyway and.......
it didn't make me sick.
After I got sober, I met quite a few in AA that also drank on antabuse and didn't get sick.
So antabuse really is only a deterrent to some alcoholics not all.
Love and (((((to all))))),
Yes, with many alcoholics it will make them sick. With some they just don't drink on it because they are afraid of getting sick.
And there are those like I was, I was forced to take the antabuse, and I didn't give a rat's a** I drank anyway and.......
it didn't make me sick.
After I got sober, I met quite a few in AA that also drank on antabuse and didn't get sick.
So antabuse really is only a deterrent to some alcoholics not all.
Love and (((((to all))))),
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Welcome alhusband. This is a great place. You will find much information and support here.
You are right, you need to make a decision. The good news is, you don't have to make it right now. Your decisions to attend Alanon and see a counselor are good ones. Read and learn all you can about your options. Then you can make an informed decision about what you want to do. No one can tell you what is best for you, but by getting all the information, you can decide. Actually, the best thing you can do for your husband is get out of the way. He will recover or he won't all on his own, but he definitely won't if you are rescuing him from the consequences of his behavior. (Calling his boss, calling someone to come and get him, etc.) Whether you decide to stay or go, you cannot make him get sober.
Best wishes to you.
L
You are right, you need to make a decision. The good news is, you don't have to make it right now. Your decisions to attend Alanon and see a counselor are good ones. Read and learn all you can about your options. Then you can make an informed decision about what you want to do. No one can tell you what is best for you, but by getting all the information, you can decide. Actually, the best thing you can do for your husband is get out of the way. He will recover or he won't all on his own, but he definitely won't if you are rescuing him from the consequences of his behavior. (Calling his boss, calling someone to come and get him, etc.) Whether you decide to stay or go, you cannot make him get sober.
Best wishes to you.
L
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Thanks to all of you for the support. AH called early this morning - asking if I will still be here when he comes home. Also (pressure on me) said that more than anything else, knowing that I'd be waiting for him at home is what kept him sober. I told him that that wasn't fair - he needs to depend on himself to do that. We have a lot to discuss - on top of this - he may not have a job. I've got to calm down somehow and get a grip.
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((((hugs))))
Sucks I know.... but to me it sounds like the only reason he stopped in the first place (or tried) is because you forced a choice.... does not work.
Im sure he loves you very much, and I pretty sure he does not want to be like he is... but they are right he will never be sober till he has had enough and he will not do that if you keep enabling him and cleaning up the messes. He is an Adult and should be able to make decisions for himself, even if those decisions are damaging.
Take the focus off him and put it on yourself hon, Do the Al-anon, counceling etc.... whatever it takes to work on you and your daughter future...and I agree ... you dont have to take action right now, but you do need to get educated and need support.
We look forward to getting to know you!
Sucks I know.... but to me it sounds like the only reason he stopped in the first place (or tried) is because you forced a choice.... does not work.
Im sure he loves you very much, and I pretty sure he does not want to be like he is... but they are right he will never be sober till he has had enough and he will not do that if you keep enabling him and cleaning up the messes. He is an Adult and should be able to make decisions for himself, even if those decisions are damaging.
Take the focus off him and put it on yourself hon, Do the Al-anon, counceling etc.... whatever it takes to work on you and your daughter future...and I agree ... you dont have to take action right now, but you do need to get educated and need support.
We look forward to getting to know you!
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