lucybooz

if anything has happened to my son, i will go to my grave hating myself for the way i've felt about him today. however, i haven't heard that anything awful has happened to him so i guess it's the usual "had a bad day yesterday so i'll get drunk and nuts to everyone else" type day today. this time tho, he hurt his children and his sister who is visiting from out of town.

my son is living in a rehab-type house. he hasn't seen his children for weeks now, and his sister was to visit us this week from pennsylvania. we live in georgia and were to go to the new aquarium today. his sister was to be leaving after the aquarium to go back to pennsylvania. he was to meet us there at 3 p.m. and then he was to go back to our place and visit with his children tonight and into tomorrow. he spoke to his children on the phone thursday night and had them excited to see him today.

oddly enough, i called his rehab house this morning about 9 to verify the time to meet this afternoon and i was told that he left at 7 a.m. and told them he was going to see his kids today and spend the night at his parents place and he'd be back tomorrow afternoon. he had cleared the overnight trip with his house sponsor. i really found it odd that he would leave at 7 a.m. to meet us 8 hours later at the aquarium. then i thought, just maybe he left to meet up with us at the aquarium at 11 (the time we told him we would be getting there). well, he wasn't there when we got there, and he WASN'T there when we got out at 3 p.m. we waited for about 20 minutes and he never showed up. obviously his day was being spent other ways!!!!!

can anyone tell me why he did this? why did he disappoint his children first of all??? and why did he disappoint his sister? i thought maybe there would be a message on our phone when we got home - even if it were a stupid excuse - but i guess even he can't figure out how he will talk himself out of this one.

i am so angry and so hurt for these children. right now, i hope he is alive and safe. i don't want any harm to come to him, but the way i feel now, he never has to call here again - ever.

i know alcoholism is a disease, but for the life of me, i can't control my anger towards him when he does stuff like this. this is about his 4th attempt at rehab, he's 37 years old, and is still doing all the wrong things. i can't even feel sorry for him any more, and there are times when i really don't even want to see him anymore. when i feel like this then i feel so guilty, but the feelings i just explained remain. i used to get excited when he started rehab - used to think there was a chance for him, but no more. he doesn't want a life and i can't understand it.

sorry this was so long, and i thank any of you who took the time to read this in its entirety. i just had to get this off my chest.

i truly hope he is not in trouble, injured, or worse, and i pray i don't have to take my guilt for feeling like i do to my grave.

jane

robina

Dear Jane:

Speaking as the mother of an adult alcoholic, this is exactly why you need to work a recovery program (Al-anon). There is nothing quite like the heartbreak of dealing with an alcoholic child. There is no logic and no sense to it, and it will drive us crazy, make us sick and break our hearts unless we work on our own recovery.

I know you may not want to hear this right now, but you need to get the focus off him and onto your own well being, your own peace of mind, and your own recovery. Only then will you be able to deal with the daily craziness without feeling that terrible guilt.

Love, hugs and prayers to you and your family, and your son too.

ranae1221

Hi Jane, sorry to hear about your hard day! I can't answer why your son does things like this. When I was growing up, my dad did much of the same- make plans to see us on the weekends and then never hear from him. It hurt, allot. When I was 16 I finally told him I wanted nothing to do with him. And I didn't untill I was about 23. I still don't always understand why he does the things he does. But I have been able to seperate what I feel towards him and what I feel about his behavior. I love him, he is my dad. but I hate his drinking, I hate how he acts when he drinks, I hate the lies involved with his drinking. When he "fell off the wagon" and started drinking heavilly again last year, I stayed away. He knew I didn't approve and so he kept his distance as well.

Right now my dad is staying with me because he lost his home due to his drinking. He knows that I will support him any way I can, ONLY if he gets treatment for his alcohol abuse and his depression. So far he has had only 1 slip-up in a month, and is getting the help he needs.

My dad had to lose so much to get to this point, every time he said "I've hit rock bottom" he fell even more. He doesn't have any room to fall anymore. But he has to be the one to change. I just hope he is ready this time.

BlueMoon

Because he is an alcholic.
It IS that simple.

Pick-a-name

Jane, I am sorry that you have this happening but I am glad you are here. It helps me to vent here to people who understand.........we have all been through lots of the same things. I hope you were at least able to enjoy the time with our daughter and grandchildren. Those kids are very lucky to have you in their lives, and you to have them.

Be good to yourself and come here and post often. There are many fine people who have taught me alot and it really does help.

Tennessean

Dear Jane, My 31 year old son went to live at a halfway house yesterday. The stories he comes up with to explain himself when he does things such as you mentioned are so full of detail and fabricated facts that they are sometimes quite entertaining. Whatever his story is I bet I've heard it before.

Have you been to the aquarium in Chattanooga? I was wondering how the one in Georgia compared as I was wanting to take the grandchildren to whichever is the most interesting.