JudyLynn

I came here hoping to read some stories that were similar to mine, to see if anyone else out there felt the way I do, but so far I have not found anything that sounds the same.

My husband is in rehab. The first week I didn't talk to him very much, but when I did he ask the kids and I to come visit him. Well we did. It is only about 1hr 1/2 drive. When we pulled up infront, he was standing with a group of people having a smoke. The only welcome we got was "Come meet the group". I went over said hello. He then took hold of the arm of a women standing there and said to her "Lets go meet my oldest son"
Away they went and left me standing there alone. We then went inside the building and went to the recreation area for coffee. We sat at a table together, and my daughter had brought her Dad her Diskman to use. He took the Diskman and Cd's the kids had brought, took them over to the table where this woman was sitting and left us alone again. When he came back, the woman came with him and sat herself down at our table, pulling a chair up between my husband had our daughter(our daughter is 12). I don't even know if I was mad, hurt or what I was, I just felt sick. We then left together, our familiy only and went down to the local pool hall. We werent there 10 mins and guess who walks in the door. The same woman. She then pulled a chair up and joined us. All this time, she never once spoke to me or even acknowledged me. Then the two of then decided to look at the movie selection and see if there was a movie maybe they sould rent together. Bang my husband left us sitting alone again. At this time I approached my husband and told him I was going home. He did leave the pool hall with us and we had a heated discussion of what had happened. He assured me he didn't realize what he was doing and that he was just so excited to see us he didn't see what he was doing.
Well I went back again the next weekend and she was not around all that much. My husband tells me she has found a new guy that came and she hangs around him now. I want to believe his and want to trust him but it is so hard.

I need to know if what I'm thinking is right or wrong.
I need someone to talk to and someone to give me some advice.
I feel when I go there now they all look at me as if to say "If only she knew!" Am I crazy???

Judy

ps sorry this is so long winded

liddy

Judy
sorry I have no words of wisdom on
this one but recently watched a video
called"when a man loves a woman"
with Meg Ryan, its a very good movie
and depicts alcoholism and the enabling
by those that love them.
One scene in the movie at the rehab is
similar to what you have described.
If you can find this movie do watch it
I think you will find it helpful
and no you are not crazy but may
be feeling left out right now !

hugs
liddy

RedAPBT

Hi Judy,

I read your post, and I want you to know that I can relate though I have never posted that part of it here...

Almost 2 years ago, we put "the boy" (my SO) into an outpatient chemical dependancy recovery program (CDRP) thru his insurance after a 3 week run with the vodka. He would leave the house at 7AM and get home at 6PM while I would work and take care of the house. Finally they had a weekend thing that would be held weekly on a Sat and Sun where the people in the program were supposed to bring their spouses or significant others - so he took me.

Lo and behold here is a woman running to him to hug him and talk to him and drag him off to meet her children (we do not have any children - only animals). Well, she sat with us and talked to him thru the whole day, while I sat there feeling like a 3rd boob.

I kept telling myself that there was nothing I could do but the feelings were sure there...

Finally he told me about her (after he was thru with his 9 months) and though it did not change the way I felt about the situation. He told me that he needed those connections - just as I need mine with my Alanon friends, ok - fine - but why connect with a woman??? He responded with some things that made sense and some that just frustrated me more.

That was over a year ago and today, he can sit with and talk to other women in the program if that is what he needs to do. I cannot relate to him and the alcohol like they can and thanks to AlAnon and a great HP I am ok with me and though I love him I know now that I love me more.

Remember - a feeling is just a feeling - it is not reality.

Hugs from CA,
Katie

prettywoman

If it does not FEEL right it isen't! Trust your feelings and go with them is all I can say. My FEELINGS have guided me into the right directions and I am glad. I feel that most people FEEL the WRONG but IGNORE it to many times. So whatever you do and that is YOUR CHOICE, TRUST your FEELINGS. God Bless!

gstopo

Hi Judy,
Been there, done that, sort of. When my husband was in treatment, one of the female patients there seemed to take a liking to him (he was very popular at the treatment center). She completed her program about a week after my husband started so they didn't have a lot of contact. Anyway, she wanted my husband to be her sponsor (he was still in treatment!), wrote him a few letters, and called him. She even came back to an AA meeting at the treatment center and you could tell she had changed her appearance in what she hoped would attract my husband. Didn't happen! I believe that alcoholics can relate to each other on a level that we can't. I noticed that at AA meetings as well. While it's tough to acknowledge that to yourself or anybody else, I think it's true. It doesn't mean we have to like it! I told my husband how I felt, he too, didn't realize what was going on since the attention was coming from her and not from him. After that, he was still polite to her but gave a "back off" vibe as well. Plus I practically lived at the center while he was there, which helped a lot. I don't know if this helps at all. Good luck,
gstopo