You Can't Fool Me.
Truth Seeker
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 39
You Can't Fool Me.
((Hi everyone, I hope you are having a good day))
*guidence needed*
I haven't talked about my dad for a while, mostly because I have been trying to just block him out of my mind and out of my life. So what has changed? If anything. Okay so... it would be almost 3 months now that my dad decided to sober up. Has he stayed sober? My theory... NO he hasn't. He probably was sober for a week. What irritates me is that He walks around telling the whole world I don't drink anymore, yet he still buys beer, and there is still beer in the frig. Someone is drinking it... he's the only one in the house that does.
On top of that he still hangs out with his drunk friends especially around my drunk uncle and his drunk friend. I would say that they are the ones drinking the beer, but they are hardly over my house. He has been buying gum too. The only time he would chew gum was so that others wouldn't smell the beer. I can also tell by his face, by ts color and texture. There are so many red flags... how can you not notice? I've been telling my mom that he isn't sober, she says "give him a little credit". How can I? We are talking about a man who use to drink at least 3 cases of beer daily. All hours of the day he was drinking! Then one day he wakes up and decides not to? And your telling me that he went from drinking 24+ beers to 0 in one day?? 3 months later.. i am suppose to believe he kicked a habit he has had for more than 10 years.. without any detox program or anything? Since then he has been "heathly"? There is just no way. She knows that.. she's just playing along. I am not going to give any credit to a lier. He has looked me in the face and said "no really i don't drink anymore... ". Then i said "If you don't... why do you still buy beer?"... no answer. He knows that can't pull one over me.
Aside from that, My dad still is a A-hole.... i didn't expect that to change. Still fines excues to make everyone else the problem and him the solution.
I can't talk to my mom about this.. Am I suppose to act like I'm Happy because he's "changed" because I am not. Why am i going to be happy for a total lier? I don't need to "play along" with any of this. Call me crazy but It doesn't do anyone good! Or does it?? Am I really not seeing something?
*guidence needed*
I haven't talked about my dad for a while, mostly because I have been trying to just block him out of my mind and out of my life. So what has changed? If anything. Okay so... it would be almost 3 months now that my dad decided to sober up. Has he stayed sober? My theory... NO he hasn't. He probably was sober for a week. What irritates me is that He walks around telling the whole world I don't drink anymore, yet he still buys beer, and there is still beer in the frig. Someone is drinking it... he's the only one in the house that does.
On top of that he still hangs out with his drunk friends especially around my drunk uncle and his drunk friend. I would say that they are the ones drinking the beer, but they are hardly over my house. He has been buying gum too. The only time he would chew gum was so that others wouldn't smell the beer. I can also tell by his face, by ts color and texture. There are so many red flags... how can you not notice? I've been telling my mom that he isn't sober, she says "give him a little credit". How can I? We are talking about a man who use to drink at least 3 cases of beer daily. All hours of the day he was drinking! Then one day he wakes up and decides not to? And your telling me that he went from drinking 24+ beers to 0 in one day?? 3 months later.. i am suppose to believe he kicked a habit he has had for more than 10 years.. without any detox program or anything? Since then he has been "heathly"? There is just no way. She knows that.. she's just playing along. I am not going to give any credit to a lier. He has looked me in the face and said "no really i don't drink anymore... ". Then i said "If you don't... why do you still buy beer?"... no answer. He knows that can't pull one over me.
Aside from that, My dad still is a A-hole.... i didn't expect that to change. Still fines excues to make everyone else the problem and him the solution.
I can't talk to my mom about this.. Am I suppose to act like I'm Happy because he's "changed" because I am not. Why am i going to be happy for a total lier? I don't need to "play along" with any of this. Call me crazy but It doesn't do anyone good! Or does it?? Am I really not seeing something?
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
The only thing you're seeing is the cold hard truth staring you in the face. My AH went from drinking 18-24 Buds in a day to drinking a tall boy 6 pack. He is also on meds and smokes pot, but brags to the entire world about "how clean he is." Grant it, it is better than how it used to be, but he is not sober. My AH has altered his behavior so that he does many chores around the house, is very nice to me and goes to the gym regularly. In his mind, this is a complete and total turnaround and in some ways, it is. Since I live with him however, there is the paranoia in my mind that it is only a matter of time before sh*t hits the fan with his addiction! He refuses to seek outside help and thinks AA is a joke and says, "he's doing this his way." I believe that when people such as your Dad and my AH refuse to get professional help that it really is a matter of time before things go back to total chaos.
Your Dad is probably in a similar state of mind. Probably thinks he's doing well enough to be considered "sober." You don't have to buy into the BS. I wouldn't even bother trying to convince your mother otherwise. For whatever reasons she has, she seems content in the way things are. I would just leave it as their problem to work out. I would not openly criticize or start anything either. Just have a "no comment" attitude and that should suffice. All the best to you and I do understand your frustration.
Your Dad is probably in a similar state of mind. Probably thinks he's doing well enough to be considered "sober." You don't have to buy into the BS. I wouldn't even bother trying to convince your mother otherwise. For whatever reasons she has, she seems content in the way things are. I would just leave it as their problem to work out. I would not openly criticize or start anything either. Just have a "no comment" attitude and that should suffice. All the best to you and I do understand your frustration.
Truth Seeker
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by megamysterioso
My AH has altered his behavior so that he does many chores around the house, is very nice to me and goes to the gym regularly. In his mind, this is a complete and total turnaround and in some ways, it is. Since I live with him however, there is the paranoia in my mind that it is only a matter of time before sh*t hits the fan with his addiction! He refuses to seek outside help and thinks AA is a joke and says, "he's doing this his way." I believe that when people such as your Dad and my AH refuse to get professional help that it really is a matter of time before things go back to total chaos.
Your AH and my AF are practially one in the same.
You really nailed it. my dad was drinking 24+ coronas a day and now its like a 6 pack too. My dad isn't on meds but he props so much herbal S*** and smokes almost a pack a day. My dad has altered his behavior too and is nicer to my family in general, expect with me. We still clash because I am the only one not going along with this stupidity. Reading what you said about how you have this paranoia is exactly how I am. It's always in the back of my mind. I know that this isn't over. Gosh... even my dad has said the same thing about AA and refuses get help. You made me feel a little bit better just because someone does understand
Best wishes for you too.
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
I'm glad you feel a little better. A lot of times when I post on here, I'm just looking for someone else that understands rather than actual "advice." Addiction is so hard to deal with and we all deal with it in different ways and at different times. Even though we all have great intentions, I think it is really difficult to advise b/c I think ultimately, we all know the answers to our own questions deep in our hearts. It's just comforting to get a different perspective and be able to relate with someone.
Your Dad probably really thinks he's doing well and I guess he is doing better considering the alternative. My AH used to use this type of logic on me all the time. When I was in the "nagging" stage of his drinking and trying to change him, he would say things like, "well, I used to snort coke and drink liquor all the time." He would make his drinking 18-24 beers a day seem like "real" progress. It used to make me sick.
I know how difficult it is for you. It is very annoying when you see that someone still has a problem, but walks around as if he deserves a medal for having "less" of a problem. Since we know the cycle of addiction- problem, disaster, promises to do better, problem, disaster-- the paranoia is natural. I wish you the very best too.
Your Dad probably really thinks he's doing well and I guess he is doing better considering the alternative. My AH used to use this type of logic on me all the time. When I was in the "nagging" stage of his drinking and trying to change him, he would say things like, "well, I used to snort coke and drink liquor all the time." He would make his drinking 18-24 beers a day seem like "real" progress. It used to make me sick.
I know how difficult it is for you. It is very annoying when you see that someone still has a problem, but walks around as if he deserves a medal for having "less" of a problem. Since we know the cycle of addiction- problem, disaster, promises to do better, problem, disaster-- the paranoia is natural. I wish you the very best too.
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