dontluvit

Today it has been a week since the episode with my BF. He hasnt had a drink in 1 week. I should be happy, but Im not. I am a nervous wreck wondering when his next drink will be. I know that sounds like I am sabotaging his progress but I think I am setting myself up for his failure so I am not so disappointed when it happens again. Has anyone ever felt this way? AM I being a ShXt for not being more supportive?

Cynay

I dont personally think you are doing anything but what is a normal feeling.

Is he is a program? What are you doing for yourself to help you grow and deal with the way you have been effected by all this???

dontluvit

Cynay,

I am seeing a counselor by myself. He now has an appointment with his own counselor.

Ayers1995

I don't think you are being a shxt. It's happened to most of us... they say their done...wait a week or 10 days and they are back to it. You have to prepare yourself, just in case. That's only natural.

Cynay

Im glad to hear it.... Does your counselor give you homework to work on ??? I would strongly suggest detaching with love some here.... Maybe try an Al-anon meeting or 2 just to keep the focus on yourself.

I certainally know how it feels to sit in anticipation of their failures... suckie place to be .. but maybe if you get busy enough on you it will not give you the time to worry about his issue??

sunshine003

if you sit around wondering "when" you'll go insane. He might drink again, but there isn'ta thing in the world you can do about that. You can't control it and you can't know if or when it's going to happen. Worry about yourself. Worry about what makes you happy. Start small, start with one moment at a time. When you feel yourself starting to obsess and wonder about "when"...STOP and ask yourself, "what would I like to do right now." It might be something simple like, make yourself a cup of tea....go make it. Do little things like that that will MAKE you MAKE yourself focus on YOU and not his problem. LIve for today, not "when".

This is a very simple way to learn how to detach....it's how you let go of the thoughts that keep you focused on just him.

megamysterioso

Yes, it is very natural to feel nervous to protect yourself from disappointment and pain. You are not being unreasonable. Sunshine gave some great advice about focussing more on yourself during those times. It really is a waste to sit there and let your mind ponder all of the "what ifs." I know about the "what ifs" all too well.

preciouz

dontluvit,
i know how your feeling because i was and still have the same feelings regarding my AF and about him trying to stop drinking. I wasn't happy because I did not want to set myself up for a major disappointment (which happened). The thing with me though is that I never was supportive because I know my dad cannot stop. My dad has had his problem for more 10+ years. Plus he refuses to get professional help. Anyways, personally i don't not think your being messed up for not being as supportive. Whatever is making you have your doubts, you are right. You have reasons that justify YOUR feelings. It's your gut and I believe that you go with your instincts.
That's the only way that you can protect yourself. This is the time that you should be focusing on helping yourself. I am going to be honest, sometimes my dad's problem does get under my skin and sometimes you may be bothered by it. Sometimes you want to sit there and worry and think about what can happen... it's hard. It's hard not worry and not thinking or feeling so much. But at the end of the day, do you really want to live like that? Honestly, don't worry so much about him and what he could do. It's a waste a time and whatever happens, good or bad, it was suppose to happen. Maybe it won't make sense now, but eventuallly you'll understand. You are not sabotaging his progress because only He can make this progress work or fail. It doesn't matter what you or anyone else says, whether it be postive or negative, it's all about what he does to make this work or fail. Thanks for posting and I hope you find what your looking for. Just remember its okay not to feel happy or supportive. It doesn't make you a bad person.

Take care of yourself.