The "A" and other women
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Denton Texas
Posts: 92
The "A" and other women
Hi guys. Thought I would return as I have been busy the last couple of weeks. My A came back in our lives. He has been so busy starting his new business. Well the inevitable happened. While he isn't drinking or doing drugs (at least where he can be found) his behaviors and attitudes stink. He might as well be doing them, as he is just like he is when he's using. Anyway, he left his e-mail up and I scrolled. Well OK..... I did more that scroll. I looked, and uncovered. While he was living in my house last week, he initiated seeing an old girlfriend and visiting with her and kids! Other old g/f where there, along with pictures of very young girls. He obsessively plays ***** Gin and says they are women he's playing against. Of course when confronted, its all my fault, and he says I "deserve" the pain if I am going to snoop. He also threatened to start sleeping with all of them if I don't drop it. WHAT????????
He now asks for patience while he gets this new company off the ground. He doesn't see his buisness has a separate issue with the women. I have laid out my boundaries, but I don't trust him. Other than pray and turn it to God, what else can I do?
During the holidays when he screened my calls, didn't even call us on Christmas/New Yrs., if I would have known he was reconnecting with all his past, I wouldn't have been crazy. UGH.
He now asks for patience while he gets this new company off the ground. He doesn't see his buisness has a separate issue with the women. I have laid out my boundaries, but I don't trust him. Other than pray and turn it to God, what else can I do?
During the holidays when he screened my calls, didn't even call us on Christmas/New Yrs., if I would have known he was reconnecting with all his past, I wouldn't have been crazy. UGH.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Cajun girl,
Long ago when I was in relationships I used to be quite jealous. I used to blame it all on myself. I thought I had a terrible problem. Now I look back and see that I had every reason not to trust. They were not trustworthy. My problem was sitting there waiting for the next ball to drop.
I've established some boundaries now. If I was dating someone and they threatened to sleep with other women they would never see me again. I would consider that emotional abuse.
Hugs,
MG
Long ago when I was in relationships I used to be quite jealous. I used to blame it all on myself. I thought I had a terrible problem. Now I look back and see that I had every reason not to trust. They were not trustworthy. My problem was sitting there waiting for the next ball to drop.
I've established some boundaries now. If I was dating someone and they threatened to sleep with other women they would never see me again. I would consider that emotional abuse.
Hugs,
MG
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Cajun,
I'm with MG. If my guy threatened me by saying he was going to sleep with other women, I'd tell him not to let the door hit him in the fanny on his way out! He screens your calls yet says he will sleep with other women??????? Whoa, sounds like double standards to me!!!!!!!!
Cajun, read what you just wrote. You just said his attitude is lousy and HE IS SOBER! Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm not sounding very compassionate with the A right now, but hey, isn't this where we are to set boundaries and draw the lines?
You said you have laid out your boundaries. Just what are they? Did you include "I will not allow sleeping with other women, PERIOD!!!!?"
I say all this in love because, dog gone it, I want you to be treated better. And if you see that this guy isn't going to treat you any better, then I'd say it's time to get rid of him so your HP can bring someone better into your life.
I'm with MG. If my guy threatened me by saying he was going to sleep with other women, I'd tell him not to let the door hit him in the fanny on his way out! He screens your calls yet says he will sleep with other women??????? Whoa, sounds like double standards to me!!!!!!!!
Cajun, read what you just wrote. You just said his attitude is lousy and HE IS SOBER! Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm not sounding very compassionate with the A right now, but hey, isn't this where we are to set boundaries and draw the lines?
You said you have laid out your boundaries. Just what are they? Did you include "I will not allow sleeping with other women, PERIOD!!!!?"
I say all this in love because, dog gone it, I want you to be treated better. And if you see that this guy isn't going to treat you any better, then I'd say it's time to get rid of him so your HP can bring someone better into your life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: upstate, ny
Posts: 135
dear cajun,
i may get thrown out of this forum, for being a bossy know it all, but i can't say i like what i hear. you don't deserve this treatment, no one does. boundaries up, hup,234
pleas think about what you're getting out of this treatment from him that you think you deserve. please stick up for yourself, if only in your mind. " to thine own self be true"
why would you trust him? that is his problem, not yours. i hope you can get some guidance from all of us. i missed you, by the way. i'll pray for you and sending hugs from ny.
hugs from sugar
i may get thrown out of this forum, for being a bossy know it all, but i can't say i like what i hear. you don't deserve this treatment, no one does. boundaries up, hup,234
pleas think about what you're getting out of this treatment from him that you think you deserve. please stick up for yourself, if only in your mind. " to thine own self be true"
why would you trust him? that is his problem, not yours. i hope you can get some guidance from all of us. i missed you, by the way. i'll pray for you and sending hugs from ny.
hugs from sugar
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Cajun
This man is emotionally abusing you and he sounds like his gin deck is a few cards short.
You don't have to take this, you don't deserve it. I'm with Sugar and suggest getting lots of boundaries up. Or put a little space between you until he learns to play nice.
And Sugar - you aren't getting thrown anywhere, honey. We all need a little spine around here sometimes, and I like yours.
This man is emotionally abusing you and he sounds like his gin deck is a few cards short.
You don't have to take this, you don't deserve it. I'm with Sugar and suggest getting lots of boundaries up. Or put a little space between you until he learns to play nice.
And Sugar - you aren't getting thrown anywhere, honey. We all need a little spine around here sometimes, and I like yours.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Denton Texas
Posts: 92
Thrown? No way
I have tears running down my face in gratitude. Thank you for being honest with me. I guess it verifies what I was thinking. I get to feeling real crazy in all this chaos. I love you guys...
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Cajun, if you are feeling crazy, then guess what??? YOU DO fit right in here with the rest of us...smiles. (Hope you other folks don't mind me lumping us all together in the crazy category...
)
The disease does that to US sometimes. But thank our HP we get out of our 'crazies' and realize we are powerless over their disease. They have to want to help themselves. And we have to look out after ourselves. And that is the bottom line here, Cajun. I think I can speak for all of us here when I say we know you are not to blame for any of this and you certainly DON'T deserve the treatment he is giving you.
Try to think about YOU Cajun and what would be best for YOU, taking care of yourself.
Love ya,
Hangin' In
)The disease does that to US sometimes. But thank our HP we get out of our 'crazies' and realize we are powerless over their disease. They have to want to help themselves. And we have to look out after ourselves. And that is the bottom line here, Cajun. I think I can speak for all of us here when I say we know you are not to blame for any of this and you certainly DON'T deserve the treatment he is giving you.
Try to think about YOU Cajun and what would be best for YOU, taking care of yourself.
Love ya,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Cajun,
I agree with the crowd. I think we could all do a better job in standing up for ourselves. My husband has threatenend to sleep with other women because we don't have sex often enough for him. I always tell him go ahead and I half believe I wish it would happen because it would give me the push I seem to need to leave him. It is emotional blackmail and we shouldn't stand for it. I am right with you in trying to build myself up so I can set reasonable boundaries that I can uphold. In the mean time I struggle, but with this forum and my Alanon meetings I don't struggle alone anymore. Thanks be to God! Hang in there.
I agree with the crowd. I think we could all do a better job in standing up for ourselves. My husband has threatenend to sleep with other women because we don't have sex often enough for him. I always tell him go ahead and I half believe I wish it would happen because it would give me the push I seem to need to leave him. It is emotional blackmail and we shouldn't stand for it. I am right with you in trying to build myself up so I can set reasonable boundaries that I can uphold. In the mean time I struggle, but with this forum and my Alanon meetings I don't struggle alone anymore. Thanks be to God! Hang in there.
Fantastic Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 176
Dear Cajun..............
I agree with all of the above...Cajun dear girl......... you have to STOP with his guy..he is going to tear you up. He is NOT worth this...but you are!!!! Put up those boundries and stick to it...I won't go on about my A...but it has worked for me..
Love and prayers for you
kitty
I agree with all of the above...Cajun dear girl......... you have to STOP with his guy..he is going to tear you up. He is NOT worth this...but you are!!!! Put up those boundries and stick to it...I won't go on about my A...but it has worked for me..
Love and prayers for you
kitty
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