dontluvit

I just read that statement in another post. "He may be one that abuses alcohol, but not addicted" Im not sure what to make of this? Most of you have read my posts. This statement makes me question BF. Since last weeks situation he hasnt had a drop of Alcohol to drink. To my eyes this hasnt seemed to bother him. My father is an alcoholic and if he doesnt drink, he literally turns green, sweats, and shakes, he would die if he didnt have a drink. BF goes through none of this when he doesnt drink. But he does abuse alcohol when he drinks for the most part. When we go out together he is content with having a couple, nice to be around actually fun. When he goes out with his friends, he slams shots and becomes disgusting. Peeing himself when he passes out, puking, just a jerk. It pisses me off because his friends actually think this is funny. His best friend came over a few nights ago and heard about what happened last week and just started laughing histerically. Of coarse I got mad and told him to grow up. In the next breath the friend was asking BF if he wanted a beer! I just sat there. BF looked at friend and says "No, I dont want anything" Friend says "Oh come on yes you do" Then he looks at me and says "Come on you know you want to drink" UM NO I DONT! So BF didnt drink and didnt act like it bothered him. I just cant believe that a grown man would try to use peer pressure. UGH I dont like the guy.

So back to the subject dont you think that if you abuse alcohol that you would be considered an alcoholic? I mean if you werent an alcoholic you would know when to stop so you didnt come to the point of abusing? Maybe I just dont know enough about this problem?

iloveheralot

sorry, new here, but NO.........to abuse ....and be addicted is entirly 2 diff. things..........most ppl. who only drink on occasions..end up abusing weather they want to or not...(who figures).....But the addicted,,,,they want it regardless of weather there are ppl. or not. They dont mind drinkin alone.....(from someone who knows) if you are a true alkie,,you dont care if its friends pushin,(makes it easier) or not, you WILL DRINK!

gelfling

Have you done alanon meetings? That is the place to get the education you need about the disease. Lots of alcoholics are able to quit for periods of time, but start back with a vengenance. Don't get your hopes up. Watch how things progress before you start thinking he's not an alcoholic. It's a sneaky disease. Been through it twice with hubby and son.

IrshIzNotSmilin

I have the same feeling that you do dontluvit mine stays away from it and doesn't shake or anything. Acts fine. No prob. I don't need it. Cool dude. Yet, he can drink on other days and I find it offensive I find his family and friends behavior uncomfortable to me. I look at it this way if it is bothering me and interfering with me feeling comfortable then whether you are actively drinking or not that day you have a problem, because I should not be feeling this uncomfortable. I think that he is a functional alcoholic my husband. I really do. Even though he tidys the kitchen, does laundry, runs his own business, makes money, puts my stepchildren through college, goes on parent day, keeps the outside of the house done, blah blah blah I can go on forever, but I see in the morning while I was asleep there is a pint glass with beer in it on the bar. OH the bar that we have in our house that looks like a pub!!! It was there before the marriage BUT I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN hahaha anyway it is not funny but I have realized that if I am not comfortable and I feel anxiety then something is wrong.

BigSis

I could quit, but I couldn't drink...and if I continued, eventually I couldn't quit, either.

Just a different point in the progression, I think.

Other people had a clue about my addiction/alcholism long before I did. It was clear as day to those around me. But until it became clear to me, I would not stop.

I know my kids are addicts... I knew they were addicts looong before they each admitted it and even longer before either of them sought recovery. My knowing did little to change what they did, but lots to change my happiness and serenity.

Alanon helped me to understand that I control ME. I control MY reactions and interactions with alcoholics. I cannot control the alcoholic or alcoholism.

If you are attending meetings, you might consider increasing the frequency. If you have neve attending, you might consider trying 5 or 6 to see if you feel better. They helped me ... a lot.

I wish you the best.

denny57

I do think it's important to remember that it is a progressive disease. If you haven't done so, it might be helpful to read "Under the Influence." The first and second stages of alcoholism can last quite a long time. The authors believe (and I do too) that it is important for all of us to recognize alcoholism in its early stages when it can best be treated. To do that we have to change our preconceived notions of what an A looks and acts like (especially with regard to their alcohol intake).

I, too, found that attending plenty of Al-Anon meetings in the beginning of my recovery was very helpful. Good luck to you.

Pick-a-name

This is what people say about my AH.........no, he has many great qualities, but regardless, he is STILL AN ALCOHOLIC! (in fact, that is how he tells himself he isn't one!) Sorry, this is a touchy subject for me, it seems!

I don't know about this guy you are talking about, but I too find that to be innapropriate at best....and not that it is for me to say, I would question his own relationship to alcohol and just how casual it is, as for wondering his mindset in this. JMO

nutz

Will...you can always reserch on the subject of
alcoholism/addiction/co-dependency.

NA, pretty much states "most peaple are mis-informed",
It's on the first page of the first chapter in the NA Basic text.

One takes notice to the little things....
There's a 12 step program involved in recovery for all parties involved.
The same 12 steps as a matter of fact.
Then you get one of those ahha moments or ask the stupid question.
" i wonder if it's the same dis-ease manifested in verious form?"

We do understand about the flu bug going around the house.
Mmmm...I wonder if this dis-ease spreads in the same manner.
It's that contagious........ Acceptence ???

As most recovery alki/addict finds out. If they want to recover.
Not drinking/using is just the beginning. A change of life style.
Letting go of old ideas,U can say..change your thinking change your life.

There's recovery lingo or different ways of expressing it.
" drug/alcohol is just the symtoms of the dis-ease"
....the outter layer of an onion, sort of speak.
or
"you don't have a drinking/drugs problem....
You have a living problem"

The alki/addict gose into denial.
so dose their partner....the co-dependent.

Alki/addict... "she/he made me drink/use"
Co-dI.. "she/he made made life miserable and is the souce of my problems"

minnie

Hon, it doesn't really matter how you define your boyfriend's problems, it's whether you can live with them that counts.

My ex could go for quite long periods of time without drinking. And I know that, because I kept him on such a tight leash at one point that he had no opportunity!! Let's just say that I checked hiding places that he hadn't even though of, that's how bad I was. So, instead of dealing with his problems with alcohol, he just buried them, ready to be dealt with on the next session.

Have you checked out al-anon yet? Seems you qualify on two counts, seeing that your dad is an alcoholic.

StandingStrong

My ah is a binge drinker. He can go days, weeks, and months without a drop of alcohol. But give him one - and he's drinking!!!!!! Is he an alchoholic or he is an alcohol abuser? There was a time that I really questioned this too. I did not understand anything in regards to alcoholism - I wondered if I truly was making his drinking into a bigger deal than it was - I didn't see him shaking or showing signs of "needing" that next drink - like you, I was unsure.

What I have come to understand now is that it doesn't really matter what label I put on it. My husband's drinking caused problems for me, our children, and himself, as well as others. His drinking is a problem - period.

So I hope you'll realize that there are different stages and different types of alcoholics. And regardless of the stage of abuse they are in regarding their usage - if it's a problem, it's a problem.

I hope that you'll stick around and keep reading, educating yourself, and learning. You'll find that the more you learn - the less confused you'll be.

velma929

I remember something I heard years ago. It's kind of trite: If drinking is causing you problems, you're a problem drinker.

I too, would question the saneness of a friend who pressed the issue with someone who had said "no" when asked.

Ditto someone who can't stop once s/he started, nop matter how long it is between episodes.