warriorprincess

Went to the psychiatrist yesterday. Told him my whole saga, and when i was done, he said that he thought i was in a major depression right now and that for the past 3 years or so since my husband got me to sign the power of attorney to cash out equity without my knowing -- that i have been suffering from a low-grade, long-term depression that he called dysthymic disorder -- and he prescribed zoloft. great! i cried all the way home and screamed at AH on the phone. i feel that he has made me sick. i have been trying so hard, dealing with so much. i asked for the divorce on 1/22, then he goes sober 3 days later. going to my shrink, couples shrink, al-anon meetings, reading every book about alcohol, co-dependency, etc. well, here i am, still in my pjs, wishing i could go back to bed...

Ayers1995

((((((hugs)))))) Warrior, I hope that you feel better soon.

BigSis

(((Warrior)))

Have you tried any Alanon meetings? I know, I know.. I can remember thinking - why should *I* have to give up MY precious time and energy to go to meetings!!! SHE (my daughter) is the one with the problem!!! I have said and done ENOUGH!!!

Except... I said and did all those things, and nothing changed. And I wanted things to change.

And what I discovered... was part of the pain I was feeling was self-inflicted. Part of the fear that drove me to seriously consider suicide... was of my own imagination, and under MY control.

I learned those things in Alanon.

I learned that yeah, I CAN'T control the alcohlism, or the alcholic... but I CAN control how I interact... how I react ... how I live with or choose to live without the alcoholism.

Alanon is for ME. It helps ME to feel better. It helps ME to stop having so much rage.

For once... it is all about ME, ME, ME!!!

Now... if you are not addict, and the doc says Zoloft will help - why does there have to be any blame involved?

I haven't considered medicine because I am an alcoholic... actually, I am sort of envious that you have something that might make you feel better.

I do hope you can find some meetings. Rage can eat us up from inside.

I wish you the best.

BigSis

PS... just reread your post - I see you HAVE been doing Alanon.

All I can add is that when things got really bad for me... to the point that I was planning to drive my car into a bridge (had the bridge picked out and was driving around saying goodbye to things)... that was when I called an Alanon friend, and when I really, REALLY started trying to make the program work for me.

Pain made me willing.

I do hope you can find some relief.

megamysterioso

Warrior--- I'm giving you a big hug right now. Try the Zoloft and see if it helps you in any way to "get out of the funk." I understand how you do not want to become dependent on a pill for your sanity, but try it and think of it as temporary. If there are adverse side effects or you simply do not like the way it is making you feel, discuss it with your doc. You DON'T have to stay medicated forever.

I'm in my PJs too . At home with the flu and actually happy that I don't have to go out and "face the world" today. I myself should be getting my paperwork together and making my own preparations for leaving, but I cannot bring myself to get into the shower and start! I'm not going to beat myself up over this. It will get done and in my own time. It took a while for me to get to this point in my life and it will take a while for me to get out of it. Don't feel like you're running a race. You and me will eventually cross the finish line even if we crawl.

IrshIzNotSmilin

Warrior Princess I have been diagnosed with dysthymic disorder too and was on Zoloft. It really does help and now I take an herbal formulation called Salvia Ten I take three herbal pills three times a day and it helps a little better for me than the Zoloft. Exercise too . I exercise on a treadmill 5 days a week keeps the mind clear. Don't cry I did too. It is really from our background and lovelessness. Research it and there is a good book Something blues I have it somewhere. It is good just to recognize it but it is not your fault and is not a reason to stay with an AH it is the situation with the AH that makes it worse but once you address how to deal with the chronic depression it gets better. Please believe this and if and when you can walk out of doors for a mile then two then three I do in the summer and it is great for the head. Xanax as a little extra helps too with the anxiety. Keeps you balanced. Start with the zoloft for the quick help and then research research and it is god telling you to take care of yourself.

warriorprincess

you are all the best! many many many thanks! i don't know what i do without the support of you all -- people who i have never met -- don't know who i am -- but know me better than anyone else in some ways. did a little calling around and found out more about depression in my family -- both grandmothers had "episodes" in their early 40s -- at least one had shock treatment, another was hospitalized. man oh man. i feel like my marriage has become sick sick sick, i am sick sick sick, and i am hoping the zoloft gives me the clarity to get my ass in gear -- in some direction!

irshiz -- glad to know you had this and got out...

mega -- love your image of us crawling across the finish line so much!

bigsis -- your words are wise

ayers -- thanks for the hugs

megamysterioso

Yes, isn't this site truly a God send? I feel close to many of you and appreciate the support and honesty that I get here. I even have these mental images in my mind of what everyone must look like. Weird huh? If we ever all got together, I wonder if we could pick each other out?

I've heard that depression is hereditary much like alcoholism. Thank God shock therapy is not en vogue these days!!! LOL. You WILL pull yourself up. You WILL be ok and you ARE strong.

robina

Hang in there. It looks very dark for you right now.
The betrayal from your husband must feel horrible.

Keep working your program and things will get better eventually.

(hugs)

IrshIzNotSmilin

Hereditary, mom's side. Shock Treatments, Attempted suicides, I work every day to keep myself at as much peace as possible. I really feel for you. I have it on her side and my aunt got helped. Grandma and Great Grandad didn't and mom never got helped. It is chemical and it is a problem. I deal every day and some days I am a loon and I just don't cope so I say today I am not going to do this or that and I am going to work out or take my medication and vitamins and do whatever I do to help myself. Sometimes I just say a prayer. I know that I am in a situation that makes it worse.

meli2005

You have been through a lot. It certianly could have triggered a major depression. Give the Zoloft at least three weeks to feel anything. I was on Zoloft for a while, it helped me a lot.

Girlfriend

Hi WP ((hugs))


I know we'd love to blame the AH or xabf for our depression. Certainly, their betrayal contributes to it alot. But, depression is inherited. It's in the family genes and so if there is depression in your family's background, like there is in mine.......we're more prone then others that don't have it,.....to get depressed.

I have a degree in psychology, not in pharmacology, but Zoloft works for some and for others, an anti depressant such as Paxil or Wellbutrin works. For me, Zoloft made my stomach feel nauseas (sp?). But, my Mom did really well on Zoloft. It depends on the person.

I know I've worked on staff with other psychologists ( I'm a counselor, not a psychologist or psychiatrist) and they take Zoloft regularly. BUT, they will take it to get themselves out of a "slump" period and then go off of them just as quickly. They, of all people, should know that that's dangerous. Once you start taking the drug, it takes, like Meli says.....a week to two weeks to start working and then when going off, should always ween yourself off of them slowly per Dr's orders. Any mood altering drug like that has a "half life" and will stay in your system for awhile.

Also, it's okay to cry and go through a greiving time. It's healthy to get all those feelings out, so that we can get passed them. But, it's not healthy to stay that way for over long periods of time. Counseling and meds workng together could help you out a great deal.

Just talking about your feelings is the first step and a big one. Writing them down, too.

Put one foot in front of the other........you can do it!