Ayers1995

I stayed at home w/my boys for a long time. I went to college (w/alot of reluctance from my AH,) and finished up. A few years ago,for New Years while celebrating... I announced that my, "New Years Resolution" was going to be to "get a job". 2 weeks later, I went to work at a bank. (Again, w/reluctance from my AH.)

This year... you're never going to guess what my resolution was.

I made a promise/resolution to myself, not to ever have another year like the one we just had! 2 weeks later, I told AH that I wasn't happy... which set forth this roller coaster ride.
(Again, w/reluctance from my husband. Ha!)

I'm beginning to notice a pattern here.... things making my life better VS reluctance from husband... (hmmmm).
Light bulb moment

megamysterioso

Welp Ayers- at least you started to move "forward" with the resolution by having that initial talk with your husband, so don't be too hard on yourself. You've already survived college and you have your job so it's not like you would "struggle" without this man. The reluctance from him has always been his fear that you would go out and pursue your own goals and your eyes would begin to OPEN as they have! I'm sure he would've loved to have kept you in his little comfort zone of control.

mallowcup

I'm not sure why we even talk to them. Maybe as a last ditch effort. I'd just make my plans privately. I think sometimes in our best efforts we give them the recipe to destroy us, to weaken us. They think that if they make all the right moves, we can be manipulated. They don't understand that it's out insides that are changing. Nothing can stop us from trying to save ourselves.

Ayers1995

I think sometimes in our best efforts we give them the recipe to destroy us, to weaken us.

That sounds about right, doesn't it! That'd be the story of my life, giving away my secrets! I will continue tith my plans privately.... not discuss any more w/him and wait! I'm sure the nicie things will only last for so long.

Yes he has always wanted me in his comfort zone, trying to control even my friends. Now.. I tell him I'm a big girl.. I don't need you to hold my hand. I think that makes him mad. (hehe) Cause he'll repeat it to me, I know,"you're a big girl".

mallowcup

I used to say, "That really hurt me". Mistake. I found that when he knew what hurt me, he used it against me. Bottom line, my husband looks to make me weak not strong. I'm trying to "not react". What I have to get better at is doing what I want. I want to tan, I thought about having dinner with a friend, this would be new behavior, in ten years, I've never not made dinner. I've never gone anywhere without leaving a note. I was just rasied to leave a note, who I was going with, where I was going and what time I'd be home. I hate that at 50!!!! I hate it. I have a renewed desire to join the living but I'm not quite ready to put up with the noise. He comes and goes whenever he wants, I rarely know who he is with or when he'll be home. If I go he will lock the door and accuse me of infidelity. I'm working on the right answer. When he's working, I have all day to do what I want, to be around normal people. My girlfriends at work get together for lunch, get their hair done, they shop. I check the mail, cook, clean and work.