Dalloway

Hi All, I haven't been around much lately--work stress. Please pardon my self indulgence here. Sometimes, this is what I need. Now that my family knows about the reality of my AH it's almost harder in a way because they pretend everything is fine. It's very lonely. I know--get my butt to a meeting. So yesterday was my wedding anniversary. AH is in an, I'm not sure what you call it?, relatively dry phase. There are no obvious extreme binges, which is a relief, but the checking statement and other signs indicate he's not missing out on his regular stops at the liquor store right after work, and he still sleeps every chance he gets.

I have had a cold and been in a funk. Yesterday I just moved through the day as if it didn't matter, but I felt sad even though part of me felt proud that this year I am not in denial, this year I have made some steps to take care of myself and my kids. I think I am the ultra-slow-motion recovery woman.

robina

Happy Anniversary. I hope your next anniversary will be happier.

prodigal

Is it mutually agreeable that you no longer celebrate your wedding anniversary in any way? Do both of you just feel that with things they way they are and have been it would be somewhat nonsensical to go through the motions of "celebrating"? The reason I ask is my AH claims he "forgot" our wedding anniversary this past September. We've been married three years, and he didn't forget the first two! Between his forgetting that and trashing Christmas and New Year's for all concerned, I just don't care to "celebrate" anything with him anymore - I'd feel like I was just going through the motions.

I know what you mean about the non-binge drinking that brings about some semblance of peace and sanity. The thing is, we never know when they'll decide to go on a massive bender and be sh-faced drunk for days on end.

It's tragic that so many milestones in our lives with an A are times for sadness rather than joy,

mallowcup

I'm glad you are acknowledging two milestones. One, your anniversary and Two, that you aren't in denial. I have to believe that this past year will serve you for the rest of your life. I think of it as emotional chemo. When something in us dies, something else awakens. I have to believe theres a life waiting for the new improved, smarter me. I saw this life expectancy test on my internet search. I filled in the answers as if it were my husband. He is 52. His life expectancy says he shouyld live to 47. He's been two days binging. Choose to feel this all as growth. You will never look back with remorse for hurting people the way he is.

Ayers1995

It's tragic that so many milestones in our lives with an A are times for sadness rather than joy

Boy is this true! We're fixing to have our 11 yr on 3-18! I will want to crawl under a rock that day. We had our bdays on the 7th and 9th of Feb, and he wanted to RENEW OUR VOWS! NOT!!!! Or at least he 'fibbed' and told me he'd called a few places about having it done....(1place in particular was closed down).

Glad you made it through in once piece. Are you and AH still together?