G and A.A.
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
G and A.A.
So it's been a few weeks since G was arrested. I told him he had to leave a.s.a.p or I would have him escorted out of the house. He did. He gave me back all my keys and took the stuff that he uses regularily. He isn't out of my life unfortunatly. I do still have our son, and that's one area I haven't been able to hold back from him. As much as I'd like to tell him I don't want to talk to him, I can't tell him he can't see him. Usually he comes over and I busy myself in another part of the house. I'm not ready to let him take him alone yet.
None of this means he doesn't try to get back together though. He claims he's been going to meetings a couple of blocks away from here. He's been to 3 meetings, (we live in a small town so they are only twice a week and last week it was cancelled for the holiday) and he's supposed to be going tonight. Last Sunday he came to visit and a little into it he got really agitated. He told me he really wanted a drink, (so much for the no cravings he always claimed), so he called his A.A. friend who told him he could come over any time. He left suddenly and went for a coffee. He said it was really hard for him to tell me that, harder than going over there.
Do I believe he's actually going? Yup, for now anyway. I'm not ready to let my guard down though. I'm still not sure why he's going. I don't know if it's because he wants to, or if it's to sucker me back in. I do think he has gone. He was throwing out some pretty technical things from there anyway. Seems they do alot of talking at the one he's going to. He says he felt bad at a couple because he hogged the floor. Still he says there's alot more he has to get out.
All I could say is that I hope he was going to stick with it and I hope that it feels good to talk about it. He says he needs my support, and I said can't give it in the capacity he wants while I'm still angry and distrustful.
He seems to be doing well for the moment. There's a part of me that says "Yay!" but I know it would be doing a major diservice to both of us for me to let that out. The "Yay" part for the moment is being counter-balanced by the "I don't believe a word you say" part.
Oh and he did tick me off one night. He told me I "Didn't have to" call the police that night. I said yeah right, and your son and I would have had to put up with a smelly, drunken lump on our couch again all night followed by the "talk" the next day where I tell you not to do it again and two day later here we go again? He didn't say anything. The above conversation is the other part of the reason I'm not ready to see him romantically yet.
None of this means he doesn't try to get back together though. He claims he's been going to meetings a couple of blocks away from here. He's been to 3 meetings, (we live in a small town so they are only twice a week and last week it was cancelled for the holiday) and he's supposed to be going tonight. Last Sunday he came to visit and a little into it he got really agitated. He told me he really wanted a drink, (so much for the no cravings he always claimed), so he called his A.A. friend who told him he could come over any time. He left suddenly and went for a coffee. He said it was really hard for him to tell me that, harder than going over there.
Do I believe he's actually going? Yup, for now anyway. I'm not ready to let my guard down though. I'm still not sure why he's going. I don't know if it's because he wants to, or if it's to sucker me back in. I do think he has gone. He was throwing out some pretty technical things from there anyway. Seems they do alot of talking at the one he's going to. He says he felt bad at a couple because he hogged the floor. Still he says there's alot more he has to get out.
All I could say is that I hope he was going to stick with it and I hope that it feels good to talk about it. He says he needs my support, and I said can't give it in the capacity he wants while I'm still angry and distrustful.
He seems to be doing well for the moment. There's a part of me that says "Yay!" but I know it would be doing a major diservice to both of us for me to let that out. The "Yay" part for the moment is being counter-balanced by the "I don't believe a word you say" part.
Oh and he did tick me off one night. He told me I "Didn't have to" call the police that night. I said yeah right, and your son and I would have had to put up with a smelly, drunken lump on our couch again all night followed by the "talk" the next day where I tell you not to do it again and two day later here we go again? He didn't say anything. The above conversation is the other part of the reason I'm not ready to see him romantically yet.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Aquiana, good for you.
Just remember, right now, whether he is going to meetings or isn't when he's talking he's still quacking. Only time will tell.
Your wait and see attitude is great. Wait and see if the actions match the words. Actions take time. And with you having your son together, you've got lots and lots of time to see if his actions change, lol (18 years at least).
And really if he is trying to learn how to live sober, then right now he doesn't need to be romatically involved. Recovery, especially in the first year can be a lot of hard work and self absorbtion, while trying to figure one's self out.
It just sounds to me like, you are on the right road for you and your son.
Love and hugs,
Just remember, right now, whether he is going to meetings or isn't when he's talking he's still quacking. Only time will tell.
Your wait and see attitude is great. Wait and see if the actions match the words. Actions take time. And with you having your son together, you've got lots and lots of time to see if his actions change, lol (18 years at least).
And really if he is trying to learn how to live sober, then right now he doesn't need to be romatically involved. Recovery, especially in the first year can be a lot of hard work and self absorbtion, while trying to figure one's self out.
It just sounds to me like, you are on the right road for you and your son.
Love and hugs,
harleygirl92156
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
I just question one thing? I live in a rural area also, but every small town around has AA meetings at least once a week, some that two a week.
NEVER once has a meeting been canceled for a holiday! I really question that, is it something he told you or something you found out on your own?
I remember at Christmas, I mentioned to my husband that his home group meeting fell on Christmas night so there would be no meeting. He told me there would be, and I said ON CHRISTMAS??? and his reply was "do drunks drink on Christmas, yes they do, so we have meetings on Christmas too." Nuf Said.
Your area might be different, but I really doubt it.
NEVER once has a meeting been canceled for a holiday! I really question that, is it something he told you or something you found out on your own?
I remember at Christmas, I mentioned to my husband that his home group meeting fell on Christmas night so there would be no meeting. He told me there would be, and I said ON CHRISTMAS??? and his reply was "do drunks drink on Christmas, yes they do, so we have meetings on Christmas too." Nuf Said.
Your area might be different, but I really doubt it.
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
Question away! I sure do, every word that comes out of his mouth as a matter of fact. lol I wondered about the holiday myself. In my mind, aren't holidays the hardest for alot of people? I didn't question him on it. Really it's none of my beeswax and doesn't make much difference to me anyway. The thing is that he could go to a meeting every night and still be drinking. I'd have to trust he's not drinking, not just going to meetings.
I do know personally, not just through him that the meetings here are pretty "loose". I know they were looking for a long time for a place to even have them. I was thinking if I had a bigger house, I should have had them here. Ha! I asked G what happens in them and about the 12 steps and all, and he said they do go to the 12 steps a little but it seems to be more of a fellowship. I know I was asking him about the religious factor, he's not religious, and he said it went in that direction a little. I'm more happy that he found someone he can talk to any time. His friend, (sponser sort of thing I guess) is an older gentleman, 25 years sober. He did get another name and number he was going to call to find out what the group is like. This one is mostly older men and he was curious about whether the other one had members closer to his age. He says he likes the people in this one though but he's the "baby" there.
I do know personally, not just through him that the meetings here are pretty "loose". I know they were looking for a long time for a place to even have them. I was thinking if I had a bigger house, I should have had them here. Ha! I asked G what happens in them and about the 12 steps and all, and he said they do go to the 12 steps a little but it seems to be more of a fellowship. I know I was asking him about the religious factor, he's not religious, and he said it went in that direction a little. I'm more happy that he found someone he can talk to any time. His friend, (sponser sort of thing I guess) is an older gentleman, 25 years sober. He did get another name and number he was going to call to find out what the group is like. This one is mostly older men and he was curious about whether the other one had members closer to his age. He says he likes the people in this one though but he's the "baby" there.
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