kmagk

I feel your pain and struggle. I married my highschool sweetheart, we have been together since I was 14. We married when I was 20 shortly after our son was born. Ever since I was 18 he has had adrinking problem, only it keeps getting so much worse. He finally stopped drinking after we were married for 5 years only to start 22 moths later. The 22 mths were heaven, we had 2 more babies and everything was white picket fence picture perfect. Until 3 days before Christmas, he got sick, took Nyquil, bagan drinking Nyquil and then went to alcohol. The next 2 years were pure hell, at times he stopped for a month, even 3, but he --kept going back, throwing away; freedom (jail- dui), friends, respect, his career, license, almost his life (attempt suicide), and eventually his family in some aspects. We finally separated after a year of hell. Against my better judgment I met aother guy, who has no addictions, just loves me and my kids. Here it is 2 years later and my husband wants us back. He has gone to rehab for the I don't know 10th time, even tried hypnotism. He says he guarantees he wont drink again! Do I give him a chance to ruin our lives again. My 8year old son has only had 1 Christmas when his dad wasn't drunk. Do I take the chance or move on. I feel my only guarantee for a healthy, stable life is to move on. Yet I made vows to my husband for better or worse, in sickness and health. I don't feel good about divorcing him now that he's "finished" rehab, but I dont think anything will change.

ASpouse

No one can guarantee anything like this and if he was in a program, like AA, he would know better than to say something like this! Yikes ..... don't be a fool!
No brainer here ........ MOVE ON!
So don't divorce him them ..... finished rehab does not make him recovered. His recovery will be for the rest of his life ..... you might want to remind him of that! He can never take Nyquil, Mouthwash with any alcohol base or even toothpaste and some foods! Follow you gut .... if you feel nothing will change, then it probably won't and if you feel so strongly about your marriage vows, why did you separate in the first place? I'm sure the church frowns upon that also don't they? Don't use your marriage vows to validate something you want to or don't want to do. Make your decision free and clear of any crutches ...... that makes the decision making process a little harder.

Ayers1995

KMag,
If you've found someone that you care about and that truly cares for you and your babies, you owe it to yourself to pursue a Better, Happier Life.
Yes.. you would give the same advice to your daughter... my mom is giving me the same advice.... I just haven't made it as far as you! Good Luck...

bikewench

KM...

I relate to your struggle...

But.. my one and only question is...
"why is everything about him...??" ;o)

If your doing what you need to do for you and your kids...
.. which is job one.. right..??
.. then what he does will grow a new situation from there.

We can never go back to any imagined heaven....

All we can do is build on what's happening today....


I'd say your boy has used up all his good will....

I'd let him carve out a relationship with HIS kids on his own....
for that is the true metal of a man I believe... and is a real indicator of where his true heart lies...


Let him grow him a family on his own....

Let him grow YOU back... ;o)

IrshIzNotSmilin

VOWS my therapist gave me that one the other day and I walked out. Do the vows say "Till u are falling down drunk and promise you have gotten better and i will be with you always till your death do we part and hurt our children and make them suffer in the process I do... NOT TO ME.. I feel the promises and guarantees are empty. The car dealer can gaurantee that they fixed that factory problem and it will never happen again goodbye but have you heard of the Lemon Law??? My two cents especially important are the children. Do not shy away from the healthy man to go to the man that may not ever get healthy.

DesertEyes

When I married my wife I made my vows to my HP, _not_ to my wife. She also said her vows to her HP. The words are important, but what they mean is far more important. Our vows meant that we would do those things for each other. That we would _both_ follow them and treat our marriage as a sharing of equal partners. The whole point to the vows is that neither one of us would treat the other in a selfish, abusive manner.

It's not the "disease" that destroyed my marriage. Our vows clearly said that we would be there for each other thru any illness. What destroeyd my marriage was the behavior. Wilful selfishness and abuse of trust is independent of addiction or disease. There's people with all kinds of addictions who work a program of recovery and make their best effort to be a loving spouse in spite of being addicted. My wife chose not to do that.

I stuck to my vows and never let her down. She chose not to follow her vows. There was no point in my remaining in denial and trying to "fantasize" my way into changing the reality of my life.

Mike :-)

lilqhgal

Thank you for these words. I need to keep reminding myself this very thing.

harleygirl92156

No one can guarentee they won't drink again. NO ONE!! That in itself is a huge RED FLAG!!