The undrunken 1

Hello,Been sober for about 7 months,Been having a hard time with my girlfriend for 2 years now,SOME really BAD times after her drinking.Once was a weekend>> drinking and bar closer together,Now I have changed,like dinning out and a relaxing evening,Instead of closing the bars down.She does stay home with me now>> here and there,but now drinks during week with her gal friends,since she is not getting the drinking high and fun,I once gave her I presume.Just really been on her case about her drinking now,and I always get a comeback 'Thats the way she was when we met"...which is true.Its just been so hard and confusing for me,I know I need to let her live her life,just wish she would someday see life thru my new and happy eyes...And could grow up and kick the habit like I have. ANYONE BEEN THRU THIS AND HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS ON THIS?? I see myself old self so MUCH,when she comes home drunk,and hate it so much now.What an ASS I always was back then and never seen and knew it till now!!what goes around comes around they say?Again,I want to thank everyone here at SR for helping me grow into a new sober person!!One day at a time!!

robina

So sorry you're going through this.

have you tried Al-anon? Many recovering alcoholics find Al-anon very helpful to their recovery.

FormerDoormat

Congratulations on reaching the 7-month mark! Now, about your girlfriend and her drinking, it's not your life to live, it's not your choice to make, it's not your problem to fix. I know why you want her to change--you care about her and you want to share all the good things you've found in sobriety with her, but, like you've already discovered for yourself, she won't change until she's ready to change. And she won't listen to what you say because it doesn't jive with what she wants to do.

The way I see it, you have two choices here: accept her exactly the way she is and pray that she finds her own path towards recovery or find a partner who doesn't have a drinking problem or one who doesn't drink at all. They're out there, you know.

Welcome to SR. Glad you joined the forum.

The undrunken 1

Thanks formerdoormat>Its staring to sink in this afternoon,after reading other post,yes it really sucks to loose someone that I care about,but me caring about her so much just going to enable her to caring on not giving a **** about me.I was so much like her in my first marriage,and I didn't think I was an alcohlic,back then.it wasn't until i was ready for change that I changed.It starting to make sense now,I can only pray someday she will get the help she needs.I have to keep myself on the right track now,that I like who I am.

FormerDoormat

It is so hard to watch someone you love engage in self-destructive behavior and it's even harder to come to terms with the fact that you can't make them change.

All you can do is focus on your own recovery and pray that she will one day be lucky enough to find her own path to sobriety. You found your way, and if you learn to avoid the pitfalls of codependency, she's likely to find her way, too.

megamysterioso

Congratulations on your own sobriety. You cannot force her to make a change with you unless she is ready and it does not sound like she's ready. You need to concentrate on yourself right now and focus on continuing on this wonderful new path you've made for yourself.

I understand that you would her to be the one to share this dream with you, but unfortunately, she's not ready. Just do what's best for you. I don't think you need the stress of playing "the enabler" right now. You have your OWN battle to fight and cannot afford her or anyone else to divert you away from that. Good luck to you.