dan1958

Here's an update on my situation with my SO for the group. Its been almost a week now of her not talking to me and staying away from me. She comes home and if I'm on the pouch reading the paper unwinding after work. As I get home about 20 mins before her. She wont say hi and goes outside and sits, with a drink of course. Now,I have to say its less lately. Funny how she has been starting out with White Russians first and not a scotch! Does that make it any better that she is having a drink everyday after work and its not a Scotch? Then she'll move to the bedroom and watch TV and I be in the living room. Until I go to bed. I refuse to sleep in the quest room. I did go out to the gym on Monday the first time in months for me. I had planed on keeping up on it t his week. But,I've been swamped at work and stayed late several nights. and have been beat.That's for me,the gym that is.
I wrote her a nice letter,I thought earlier this week not putting blame and telling that I love her. But,no response at all about that? Anyway,I try to be nice and say hello when she gets home. But,nothing turns away from me when I try to kiss her. As I said I the drinking was less this week but still went on and I tried my hardest to not get pissed when she came into the living room a poured another. The bar is right behind the couch. I'm working on that and its getting better for me to not react to that. Why does that get to me so much???
I told her last night that I love her and got a smerk and I asked If she still loved me., She said nothing? I probably shouldn't have said anything?? This morning I had to come into work her and I said goodbye and got pretty mush the same rude bye. Again I'm trying hard to not blow!
Like I said the drinking was less this week and I was really afraid in light of the situation that I would get beat up this week as she would have went on a binge at ;least one night. But,thank God that didn't happen, I was and am afraid it might happen this weekend as she has more time to drink! Hopefully,it wont happen.
Weather she is going to move out and leave on the 13 when the tenant in the condo moves out. I haven't heard anything more about that or have I asked. Don't think I want to yet as I think it could boil into something.
I'm going to try to get to an Alanon meeting on Sunday,but it might be tough to get away without her knowing at the time of the meeting. Oh maybe she wont care or ask where I go???
So,this is the situation I think its a little kinder garden that she cannot talk to me other then one word answerers when I do. But,only God knows what's going on in her head?
When I get out of work I plan on staying busy and working on my bike that I also haven't done in a while. That's for me too.
Away there it is!
Dan

nutz

I hear ya.
I've been sleeping in a different bedroom or the couch for years.
I got into hobbies and join an R/C club.

My Alki/addict/gamlber Gf....will, it gets worst.
..lol....You havn't been stock while going meetings
and interigate after coming home from a meeting ?

I don't really want to know what's going on in her head, it's
shear madness.

I've writen many, many letters.
I've asked her, if she loves me for years.
I already know the answer....she loves gambling more than she loves me.

Oh...my monster, layed in bed on the day she was to get evicted
two years ago. I told the Judge, she would loose the townhouse
or fail to make the payments.
Being kick me out of my own home. Yet, I basically had to go and move everything for her a couple of months later.

We serperated many, many times. Even when I made the dicision
to break up. After all, I didn't hear from her for months and months.
She refuss to retrive her belonings. "next week"..."this friday"
So i just took it upon myself to pack everything and drop
it off at her mothers.

I moved on with my life after six months.
...lol...You havn't gone thur that stage yet ?
She'll come and intru, and work her way back in.
She dosen't give a rats ass one way or the other while
you're with her. But my gally....no other woman shall have you either.
And god forbid that you should be happy.

Have you gone thur, she'll actaully steel money from you,yet?
You're own dear loving partner.

You don't want to get to this piont.....
it's been 3 years of seperation, breaking up
So, we're breaking up again. We're suppost to be moving
by tommorow.....She's gone gambling and hasn't pack a thing.
I'm beat, tired.

I pray you.

dan1958

Nutz No just the drinking for me and the fighting. Good luck! Your in my prays now to.

nutz

I pray for you too.
I got to the point of I rather have her go gambling at times.
Just so I have some type of peace.
My Gf is a violent drunk when she reaches a certain stage of her
drunk. The emotional and mental abuss.
Have the pyhsical abuss started yet ?
Or is it the Okay, that women hits men that's been accepted.
It gets worst and worst....I have servals scares from
her jewlerys/nails and what not.

The fighting the gose on and on until the late hours of night,
day after day, night after night. And the emotional hang overs.
You can't even sleep or get a good night sleep.

I hope you get some type of rest. Just that itself would help.

dan1958

yes is is some what of a violent drunk and she has hit me. I think I can deal with that better then the verbal abuse. I have to just leave the house when this happens I have spent a few night in a motel. Yes,they seem to happen at night and well into the wee hours.
She'll keep the fight up at all costs Keep calling me on the Nextel when I do leave. The times I have questins after the fighting as to why you said this about me. Its like she doesnt even remember it or I took it toatlly wrong.?????

megamysterioso

No, a woman lashing out and hitting a man (whether in a fit of drunken rage or not) is not acceptable. I with you the best Dan. It is very hard to let go sometimes.

She seems so determined to "do her own thing" and it seems from your post that the salvaging of the relationship may be impossible at this point. Just keep going to the gym and focusing on yourself, work on your bike this weekend and try not "to blow."

My thoughts are with you and hang in there.

nutz

I'm just like you Dan..The hitting dosen't really bother
that much becuase the constant hounding, fighting, huraassments
no matter what into the wees hours of night.
But i'm started to throw **** back or I'll push her away,
not so gently of course....So I'm the abusser in her eyes.
It's bad, bad, as it's progressing/esculating.
And I feel like crap everytime.

I went for a walk the other day just so I can breath or get
sometype of peace. She freanken drives down the street
and hounded me for miles.

and yeap....she dosen't even remember what she said,
sometimes within the same sentence.

minnie

Guys - what advice would you give to one of the women here who was being hit by their partner?

Jazzman

Bail

Gabe

Dan, I have to ask.
What are you getting out of this relationship?
People who love each other are supposed to work towards thriving and growing together.
Not just figuring out a way to exist in the same space together.

denny57

It may be that she thinks the milk in the White Russians soothes her stomach. My AH also got to this point - disdain, non-communicative. I don't try to analyze it too much anymore, but now that I'm more educated I suppose he was just getting more angry that I wasn't doing the same old dance.