Tears of relief!!

Old 02-21-2006, 02:32 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
equus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Tears of relief!!

Apologies for the second post but this belonged on it's own - I can't express how important it is to me, the relief hit me like a frieght train!!

The psychiatric nurse is keeping D's case open enough that he can contact her directly for help if things start to go down hill again. D said she's told him to contact her sooner rather than later if he thinks there's a problem - to me those words hold her intent which doesn't appear to be to drop him or put us through the *&^...%$ horrific process of failing to get any help!!

It never should have been my job, I never wanted it left with me - it was insane but the insanity wasn't ours, the insanity is when you have doctors say say to you to make decisions for someone else because you have a better chance of getting it right than they do and all referals are being refused. The insanity is when doctors wanted to sign me off work constantly while telling me they thought I was fine, in fact handling things very well but they wanted someone at home, someone to prevent our situation becoming a statistic. Insanity is when I cried at the doctors that I had no training, that I didn't know what to do, that all I knew was the stakes were high and would they PLEASE tell me how to help and got the reply 'we don't know either' 'you're doing good' 'you have more information than we can give you' 'we can't get him the help he needs'. Insanity is when you see your hubby BEGGING you to get him help, saying loud and clear in words and actions that he can't cope, when he willingly goes again and again but no help comes.

Maybe this nurse will leave her job - I don't bank on safety nets anymore; but right now, in this present, we have one! Right now, as I type I'm NOT the safety net!! I'M NOT THE SAFETY NET!!! FINALLY SOMEONE HAS TAKEN THAT ROLE!! Someone actually qualified to take it!

And guess who else is up for taking on roles?? D!!! Last time the CPN suggested he do a couple of personal development courses - D agreed but I think it was a bit much with all the other stuff he's tackled and he didn't actually go. Shes' suggested he still do the courses and this time D hasn't just agreed, I heard enthusiasm as he told me because HE wants to have more control himself, he wants it in him.

So currently I'm one of the most happily sacked peeps on the planet, I'm gloriously redundant in all the roles I never flaming wanted. Right now that's the reality and relieved don't cover it!! I'll take that safety net for however long we have it and take it with one huge whopping big smile!

I put the phone down from talking with D and cried, self pity? YES - unashamedly because no-one should have been put in that position and I deserve some compassion from myself for the impact it had on me. I remember my terrified posts here, I remember the responses where I think many people felt a little of the same - how can you help? How can you ignore? Knowing the help needed and knowing it isn't there.
equus is offline  
Old 02-21-2006, 02:41 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Originally Posted by equus
I'm one of the most happily sacked peeps on the planet
Glad to hear it Eq
Gabe is offline  
Old 02-21-2006, 04:20 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
To Life!
 
historyteach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Knowing the help needed and knowing it isn't there.
That's been my reality with my son...
Please be careful. You are so excitied -- I just don't want to see you collapse if it doesn't pan out as you hope.

My prayers are with you and D.

Shalom!
historyteach is offline  
Old 02-21-2006, 04:20 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
equus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
I really didn't hold out hope for this - but I was still hoping if that makes sense. On D's first appointment the CPN told him she drops 90% of clients after the initial assessment, mostly because they were wrongly refered and her case load is stretched to hell and back. If she had refered D on we would have faced another 13 week wait even IF they accepted the referal after having already refused it almost half a dozen times.

He's never had ANY committment to future help beyond the next date. With things having improved so much it wasn't until I heard today's news that I realised how much I even hate the thought of that void.

I remember I got so angry once after the whatever number refused referal that I said to D's doc (with D sat next to me!!) that I wished it would happen to them, I wished it would happen to their loved ones, I wished they would feel like I felt and know what they were doing, I wished they could SEE and FEEL what just refusing to help was doing to us both. I've regretted that day lots of times since - I wouldn't really wish it on anyone.

Part of me still wants them to know though - just not to be hurt finding out. Mind you I have a feeling D's doc and the GP practice did a lot to carry the message forward.
equus is offline  
Old 02-21-2006, 04:23 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
equus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
HT - I'm not expecting help in the future - lord knows those days have been utterly destroyed, but I will welcome this break of at least a second committment from someone qualified. I think the sentiment of contact 'sooner rather than later' means the world to me.

Whatever the future holds right now that is part of our reality - and I'm living in the present these days!
equus is offline  
Old 02-21-2006, 04:29 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
minnie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Glad to hear you're not alone in the big chair anymore, Eq.
minnie is offline  
Old 02-21-2006, 05:08 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
mallowcup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
If for no other reason this is a goo dreason to include professionals. They don't get their feelings hurt. Thye take the burden off your shoulders, even though it should have never been there to begin with. The best part is the accoutability is to them and not you. It's as if a huge portion of the worry has ben given to someone else, someone more qualified to handle it than you. The nurse won't let him shuck any blame on to her. It's not just her field of expertise, it is that his manipulations and the emotional component don't factor in. They won't work. I understand that you realize he may or may not be successful. I also understand how you feel knowing this isn't the elephant you have to carry or answer for. My own husband has been on a two day binge. Last night he was having intractable leg cramps. He won't normal up until he goes back to work which is usually around March. He works construction and is layed off this time of year. He had a chance to pick up some side work but decided to drink everyday instead. I feel a huge burdon as he will drink too much and then his family of drinking buddies, will say to me, "You should really get him to drink less, he made an ass out of himself last night". Sometimes it isn't a 911 situation that wears you down, it's the puking, the falling, the leg cramps, the caustic moods and the wreckage that you have to deal with. My husband leaves candles burning, knocks and things over. There is a wide range of mental burden. I hope your husband is successful and I'm happy this has been a blesing to you too.
mallowcup is offline  
Old 02-21-2006, 05:49 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
equus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
mallowcup - I truly feel for you in your situation. Thankfully apart from a few islolated vents of frustration D didn't blame me - at least not more than I would sometimes unfairly blame him!!

I don't want to go into it and I realise the way it's written here might be a bit confusing but enough to say if I was dumped on D was even more so! We live in a country where our health service is supposed to be free but no-one tells you various sections of it can argue forever about who should actually provide the service, or that doctor's referals can be simply sent back without anyone actually assessing the need face to face. Each re-referal starts the 13 week waiting guideline clock ticking from zero, meanwhile his life fell apart. We had the joys of unqualified addiction help shouting at him that he WOULD relapse one week, then a new counsellor saying he was doing very well the next, a frustrated doctor ashamed of the treatment he wasn't getting and my doc describing our situation as intolerable and inhumane (damn fine description in my book!!).

Through all of that D did have lapses but no full relapse, he always returned again for help, each time a bit less able to deal with what was happening. He, me and his doc decided it wasn't realistic for him to handle a complaint procedure so confidentiality was signed over for me to do it. Finally after the prequal to a full on complaint (a liason service) we got a date for help. Although no certainty with it - the nurse above had told D's doc she was going to re-refere him back where the doc had originally.

Had D not fought for all he was worth he'd never have got as far as a second appointment with the CPN, had I not finally realised daunted or not I had to take time from work and be at home I'm not sure he'd even have got to that first appointment. Had we not had an entire practice of GP's backing our complaint and meeting with the team constantly refusing D I doubt he'd have got any appointment! On top of that we had a HUGE stroke of luck which probably did as much as all the rest put together!!

So however small it may seem - we now have one more proffessional onside, with a phone number, with an open invitation - even instruction to ring!

But right now things are so good all we need it for is a safety net - if not for all the above it'd probably have been too damn little too damn late.
equus is offline  
Old 02-21-2006, 10:02 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
*
 
susane1408's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lincolnshire, England
Posts: 464
That is good news Equus!

I found it sooo frustrating watching you struggle ( and at times fall apart) over our health service who dole out treatments according to a postcode!
There was Phil getting state of the art treatment and they are still keeping in contact by mail and phone checking up on how he's doing, and asking him what else they can do! and there's you and D meeting brick walls here there and everywhere!! any-one would think we lived in different countries.
I do hope things continue to improve where you are.
D has made great strides this past 3 months; long may it continue!
susane1408 is offline  
Old 02-21-2006, 01:17 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
equus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
I wish I could say things were improving in our area - but the opposite is true. But despite that he is a person now, a face, a character, somebody not a pile of notes - that's harder to treat in what my doctor described as an inhumane and intolerable way.

For now it's another proffessional he's real to and that's been the best thing we've had since the start of all this. Not to mention one who has told him to get her help sooner rather than later!

Edit - Just to add we talked about it tonight and flippin' ada does D see it differently these days, he's so glad to have the number but determined that if he ever does need it it won't be because he's drank. In his perception and mind set this is for life - because it is life and he's valuing that like never before.
equus is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:13 PM.