Please Help Me!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 782
Please Help Me!
There.....i've said it....i have asked for help....something i NEVER do and that's why (i suspect) i'm in the frame of mind that i'm now in. A few of you read my post yesterday regarding Xanax.....i'm so friggin torn right now. Last night while trying to sleep i layed in bed, praying (which i also never do) that God, someone, ANYONE would remove the obsession to drink & drug. i also prayed that something would happen with regards to the pills i ordered....the prescription would be refused...whatever....just so that they don't show up. If they're not here, i can't take them and maybe the feelings i have will pass, or i can discuss it with my sponsor or i can go to a counselor.....i just don't know......i'm so *********G CONFUSED RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!
Why do i always self destruct? Is it what someone else had written once, we don't feel worthy of happiness so when we think we've found a little we resort back to our old ways? GOD HELP ME!
Why do i always self destruct? Is it what someone else had written once, we don't feel worthy of happiness so when we think we've found a little we resort back to our old ways? GOD HELP ME!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,463
Hi Igfan,
I used self-destructive behaviour too. Every time I stopped drinking for a few days and things started looking better in my life, I would immediately begin thinking that this felt wrong. I was so used to failing and feeling bad.
You can get through this and asking for help is a huge step. Throw the pills out when they arrive and don't even think about it. Just do it. You can get through today and you'll feel stronger for it.
I used self-destructive behaviour too. Every time I stopped drinking for a few days and things started looking better in my life, I would immediately begin thinking that this felt wrong. I was so used to failing and feeling bad.
You can get through this and asking for help is a huge step. Throw the pills out when they arrive and don't even think about it. Just do it. You can get through today and you'll feel stronger for it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: On a Boat in the Gulf
Posts: 308
Thats what I dont understand in my disease. I never got into trouble, never made an ass of myself, never did anything that would be considered 'addict behavior'. Now mind you, I took my Rx'ed amount, never more never less so maybe that explains it.
I suppose if I took more and ran out, then I might have found trouble. I might have forged a 'script or scored off the streets. It is hard to be an addict when all research says: You know you are an addict when your use starts making bad things happen in your life. Taking my meds never made anything bad happen.
So, it is hard for me to relate to some and hard for some to relate to me. Addicts I have spoken too say "Just be glad your rock bottom was alot closer to the surface". I never made it to the bottom, it was more about waking up one day and realizing I had used narcotics for 10 YEARS! It scared me and I flushed and commited.
God blessed me with one body and one soul. What I do with both speaks volumes as to my level of love and respect for my maker. My using must have made my higher power shed many tears for me. The idea of disappointing anyone is hard for me. To know I disappointed my maker breaks my heart.
I suppose if I took more and ran out, then I might have found trouble. I might have forged a 'script or scored off the streets. It is hard to be an addict when all research says: You know you are an addict when your use starts making bad things happen in your life. Taking my meds never made anything bad happen.
So, it is hard for me to relate to some and hard for some to relate to me. Addicts I have spoken too say "Just be glad your rock bottom was alot closer to the surface". I never made it to the bottom, it was more about waking up one day and realizing I had used narcotics for 10 YEARS! It scared me and I flushed and commited.
God blessed me with one body and one soul. What I do with both speaks volumes as to my level of love and respect for my maker. My using must have made my higher power shed many tears for me. The idea of disappointing anyone is hard for me. To know I disappointed my maker breaks my heart.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Originally Posted by igfan
Why do i always self destruct? Is it what someone else had written once, we don't feel worthy of happiness so when we think we've found a little we resort back to our old ways? GOD HELP ME!
Are you working a program of recovery? This is the time to reach out to others in recovery and your HP.
I'm pulling for you, BIG TIME. Hang in thre, ok?
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