Aquiana

After having G arrested last weekend I've been in touch with Victim's Services. They are assessing the risks in our situation as far as the potential for violence and abuse is concerned. They gave me a helpful packet of questions for myself to fill it regarding my plan if things get dangerous. It's pretty long but I think I will post it if anyone is interested. There may be some helpful things for people to think about if they are planning to get out of an abusive relationship. Later there are lists of things to remember to bring as well as info on legal issues with statements ect. I'll try to get one step up daily. Here goes!

My Personal Safety Plan

Important: It is a good idea to talk to shelter staff or other safety planning experts about additional safety planning to meet the needs of your particular, unique situation.

Step 1: Safetly During A Violent Incident. Victims cannot always avoid violent incidents. In order to increase safetly, vicitms should consider some or all of these strategies and to remember this list is not exhaustive.

If I decide to leave, I will____________________________. (Practice how to get out safely; what doors, windows, elevators, stairwells or fire escapes will you use?)


I can keep my wallet/purse/identification, passports, car keys, emergency cash ready and put them in (place) ______________________________.

_______________________________________ in order to leave quickly.

I can tell (list two trusted friends/neighbors and their phone numbers) _________________________________ about the violence and request they call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from my house or if they cannot locate me.

I can teach my children how to use the telephone to contact the police and to provide quick and accurate informations including directions to our home and neighbourhood.

I will use __________________________ as my code word with my children or my friends so they can go for help.

If I decide to leave my home, I will go to _____________________________________. (Decide this even if you don't think there will be another violent incident.) If I cannot go to the above location then I can go to _____________________________.

I can also teach some of these strategies to my children.

When I expect my partner and I are going to have an argument, I will try to move to a space that is lowest risk such as _________________________. (Remember to avoid the bathroom, kitchen, garage, rooms containing weapons and rooms without access to the outside.)

I will use my judgement and intuition. If the situation is very serious, I should consider doing what I know will calm my partner down. I must remember that I have to protect myself and the children until we are out of danger.

jojo

I'm so glad that you followed through with Victims Assistance. Thanks so much for posting this. I'm sure that many people on this site will find it valuable. I waited 5 days too long to leave. He got violent, I called 911, he was taken to jail and since he had violated a drunk driving probation by drinking he spent the next 30 days in jail. It actually worked out quite well for me because there was no anger or manipulation while I was packing. (The violence certainly didn't help me but at least I wasn't seriously hurt and it immediately erased any guilt that I felt about planning to leave him.) I didn't have to hide what I was doing. By the time he got out of jail I was settled in another state near my kids and grandkids. Thanks again for doing this. It could help save some lives.

Hugs, Jo

FormerDoormat

Wow, fabulous information. And it will come in handy for other folks on this forum, too. Glad to see you taking charge of your safety and your life. Stay safe. And give your little man a hug from his auntie FD.

Ann

Calling a women's shelter ahead of time and getting information on how to get there or what to do may help you prepared for the time you may need them.

This is a thread from naranon that was posted some time ago and perhaps may be useful for anyone who is abused or in danger.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sed-woman.html

Hugs
Ann

Aquiana

Important: It is a good idea to talk to shelter staff or tother safety planning expert about additional safety planning to meet the needs of your particular, unique situation.

Step 2: Safety When Preparing to Leave. Victims frequently leave the residence they share with the abusive partner. Leaving must be done strategically in order to increase safety. Batters often strike back wwhen they believe that a battered partner is leaving the relationship. Victims can use some or all of these strategies:

I will leave money and an extra set keys with ________________________ so I can leave quickly.

I will keep important documents at ___________________________.

I will open a savings account by (date) _______________________________ in order to increase my independence.

Other things I can do to increase my independence include:________________________________.

The local Rape Crisis Center telephone number is ________________________.

The local Women's Shelter telephone number is_________________________.

The local Women and Children's Crisis Center telephone number is__________________________.

To make emergency phone calls and to keep them private, I can keep change and Quick Change (an anonymous phone card) with me at all times. I understand that if I use my telephone credit card, the next months bill will reveal the numbers I have called recently, including those made after I left. If I need a new telephone redit card immediately, I could borrow one from a friend for a limited time when I first leave. I will check with the phone service to make sure the last number I have called cannot be accessed by my partner.

I will contact ____________________and _____________________for a temporary place to stay and for emergency financial assistance.

I can leave extra clothes with ________________________.

I will sit down and review my safety plan every_________________________(week? 2 weeks? Month?) in order to plan the safest way to leave the residence. My case worker or friend __________________________ has agreed to help me review this plan.

I will rehearse my escape plan and, as appropriate, practice it with my children.

Aquiana

Step 3: Safety in My Own Residence: There are many things that a victim can do to increase safety in their own residence. It may be impossible to do everything at once, but safety measures can be added step by step. Safety measure I can consider include:


Can I replace the locks on my doors and windows as soon as possible?

Can I replace wooden doors with steel/metal doors?

Can I install security systems including locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors, and electronic system with a "panic button", ect.?

Can I purchase rope ladders to be used for escape from second floor windows?

Can I install smoke detectors and purchase fire extinguishers for each floor win my house/apartment?

I will teach my children how to use the telephone to make a collect call to me and to (trusted friend/neighbor/relative)__________________in the event that my partner abducts the children.

I will teach my children a code word that grants them permission to leave with a person other than myself only when that person uses that code word in direct communication with my children.

I will remember to give my code word to person(s) I instruct to collect my children in an emergency or any other situation AND I will change the code word with my children frequently.

I will tell people who take care of my children which people have permission to pick up my children and that my partner is not permitted to do so. The people I will inform about the pick-up permission include:
(school)______________________
(day care staff)____________________
(baby-sitter)___________________
(Sunday School Teacher)____________________
(teacher)______________________
(coach/instructor)_______________________
(others)________________________

I can inform (neighbor)_____________________________(religious leader)___________________________, and (friend)___________________________that my partner no longer resides with me and they should call the polices if he is observed near my residence.

Aquiana

Step 4: Safety With a Court Order (peace bond {810,810.2 Criminal Code, Canada}, release /bail conditions, recognizance with conditions, conditions of probation order)

Some abusers obey court orders such as peace bonds, where they promise the court that they will abide by all terms and conditions of the order. Unfortunately, one can never be sure which violent partner will obey and which will violate a court order. Here are some steps that a person can take to help enforce his/her partners court order:

I recongnize that I will have to report to the Police when my partner breaches any conditions of the court order. If a Police Officer does not assist me, I will report the breach of court order to the Officer In Charge or the Police Chief of the Police Service in the jurisdiction where the court order was violated. I understand that my partner may be charged if I contact him.

I will get a copy of my partner's court order from the court office located at ____________________________ and keep it with me at all times. (If you change purses/wallet, that's the first thing to go in.)

If I relocate to another city/town, or if I work in a city/town other than where I reside, I will noticy the Police Service/OPP detachment in that city/town, of my new address/work location AND of my partners violent behavior and the details of his court order.

For further safety, if I often visit other cities/towns/countries, I will notify the Police service in the jurisdiction I am visiting, of my partner's violent behavior and the details of his (her) court order.

I will inform my employer ______________________, religious leader_________________________, closest friend________________________, my outreach workerat the local safety network or shelter, _________________________, and __________________________, that a court order has been issued againsty my partner, including all the conditions that affect myself and my children.

Aquiana

Step 5: Safety On the Job and in Public: Each victim must decide if and when they will tell others that their partner can become violent and that they may be at continued risk. Friends, family and co-workers can help to protect the victim. Each victim should consider carefully which people to invite to help secure her safety. A victim could do some or all of the following:

I can inform my boss, the security supervisor, and _______________________(secretary, co-workers, ect.), at work of my situation

I can ask _________________________ to help screen my telephone calls at work. I can also make use of telephone voice messaging to screen my calls.

When leaving work, I can walk from the building__________________________(accompanied by security, co-workers, friends) to ensure my safety.

If problems occur while I am driving home, I can___________________________(use my cellular phone, in-car phone, personal sound-alarm; honk my horn continuously, drive directly to a well-lit public place that is open and heavily populated, drive directly to the local Police service/OPP detachment for assistance.)

If I use public transit, I can_________________________________________(sit close to the front by the driver; arrange to have someone meet me at my bus stop and walk me home; once I arrive home, call a friend or relative to let them know I arrived safely).

I can use different grocery stores and shopping malls to conduct my business and shope at hours that are different from those I used when living with my partner.

I can also___________________________________________.

Aquiana

Step 6: Safety and Drug or Alcohol Consumption: Most people in our culture consume alcohol. Many consume mood altering drugs. Much of this consumption is legal and some is not. The legal outcomes of using illegal drugs can be very hard on a victim, may hurt relationships with the victim's children, and put the victim at a disadvantage in other legal actions with the abusive partner. Therefore, victims should carefully consider the potential cost of the use of illegal drugs. But beyond this, the use of any alcohol and other drugs can reduce a victim's awareness and ability to act quickly to protect both the victim and the victim's children from the batterer. Furthermore, the use of alcohol or other drugs by the abuser may give the abuser an excuse to use violence. Therefore, in the context of drug or alcohol consumption, a victim needs to make specific plans. They may include some or all of the following:

If I am going to consume, I can do so in a safe place and with people who understand the risk of violence and are committed to my safety.

I can also (call a friend, call A.A. sponsor ect) _________________________________.

If my partner is consuming, I can (leave with the children, call a friend, call a friend of my partner's)___________________________________.

To safeguard my children, I can (remove them from the scene where my partner is consuming)_______________________________.

Aquiana

Step 7: Safety and My Emotional Health. The experience of being abused and or verbally degraded by partners is unusually exhausting and emotionally draining. The process of building a new life for yourself take much courage and incredible energy. Here are some things a person can do to conserve emotional energy and resources, and to avoid hard emotional times:

If I feel down, and ready to return toa potentially abusive situation, I can (call a friend, relative or shelter worker for support) or, _________________________________.

When I have to communicate with my partner in person or by phone, I can (advise him I'm recording what he is telling me and then I will do so, I will arrange to have a trusted friend or close adult relative present during these meetings/communications, or make arrangements for all communication to go through a lawyer or another unbiased third party) or ______________________________________________.

I can use "I can........." statements with myself and be assertive with others.

I can tell myself, "I'm in charge of my life and confident in my decision-making abilities or (other positive statements about my abilities) ___________________________________" when I feel others are trying to control or abuse me.

I can read (names of family, friends, other support people) __________________________________________________ to be of support to me.

Other things I can do to help feel stronger are __________________________________________________ ___.

I can attend workshops and support groups offered through the church, community resource center, women's shelter or women's resource center or Health Unite located at _______________________________________ to gain support and strengthen my relationships with other people.

Aquiana

Step 8: Items to Take With Me When Leaving: When victims leave partners, it is important to take certain items with them. Beyond this, victims sometimes give an extra copy of papers and an extra set of clothing to a friend, just in case the victim has to leave quickly. Items with asterisks on the following list are the most important to take, but are not in order of priority. If there is time, the other items might be taken or stored outside the home. Items to take when leaving should be placed ahead of time in one location so theat they can be grabbed quickly. Items to take:

1. My identification (birth certificate, driver's license, passport, ect.) *
2. Childrens birth certificates *
3. Social Insurance Cards *
4. My partners Social Insurance Number *
5. My health card *
6. My children's health card*
7. School and vaccination reports*
8. Money*
9. Cheque books, ATM cards*
10. Credit Cards*
11. Bank Books*
12. Keys -house, car, office*
13. Medications*
14. Custody Orders*
15. Work Permits*
16. Lease/ Rental agreements, property deeds*
17. Mortgage payment documents*
18. Photographs
19. Jewelery
20. Small salable objects
21. Welfare, Mother's Allowance Identification*
22. Immigration paper*
23. Divorce documentation*
24. Medical records for all family members*
25. Insurance Papers
26. Address Book
27. Children's favorite toys and or blankets*
28. Items of sentimental value
29. Vehicle ownership documents*
30. Senior's Card*
31. Native Person Status Card/documentation*
32. Employment/pension documentation*


Telephone Numbers I Need To Know:

Police, Fire, Ambulance: 911, or _____________________________________
Shelter for Women:______________________________
Rape Crisis Line:____________________________
Women and Children's Crisis Line:______________________________
Kid's Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868. Nationwide, 24 hour, both French and English; Not just a crisis line, but to answer any question anytime.
Doctor:_______________________________
Religious Leader:_____________________________
Lawyer:_____________________________
Work:______________________________
Work Supervisor's Home:_______________________________
Children's School:____________________________
Children's Daycare:_______________________________
Social Worker:_____________________________
Counsellor:______________________________
Other Important Number:___________________________
Contact Police Officer:__________________________

Aquiana

Children's Safety Plan

Children require a safe environment in which to live. When their home-life is a battleground involving the adults who live there, it can be traumatic and possibly dangerous. As the non-violent caregiver, you need to develop a safety and escape plan with your children. This plan provides safeguards for your children and a means for them to alert immediate emergency assistance for you. The children need to understand that the violence is not their fault, nor is it their responsibility to try to intervene in an attempt to protect you from your abusive partner.

I will provide the following for my children:

I will set up a safe room in hour home for the children to go to in the event that my partner becomes abusive. This room will be (if possible), on ground level so the children can leave through a window, if neccesary.

The safe room will have a lock on the door and a cellular/cordless phone in a location known only by the children and I, with the police emergency number preprogrammed on a speed dial.

The children will become familiar with the telephone and the location of the emergency speed dial key. We will practice saying, someone is hurting my mom (or dad/aunt/stepmom/stepdad/ect.) just in case one of the children has to call the Police.

I will teach my children our home phone number and complete address, including directions:_______________________________________ ________________________________

The children and I will have a predetermined code word, __________________________ to alert the children to go immediately to the safe room. We will have ad additional code word _________________________ to alert the children to immediately leave our home. _________________________ our pre-arranged emergency friend: (our neighbor's house, or the corner store, or a Block Parent house, ect.) and to have an adult call the police.

The children know the location of the emergency friend and the fastest route to get there, __________________________________________.

The children will contact their pre-arranged emergancy care-giver, my closest friend: ________________________________ or grandparents______________________ or our religious leader _____________________________ or another pre-selected responsible adult_______________________, immediately after the emergency friend has called the police.

The children will go with the emergency firend to their home where I will meet them as soon as I am able.

We have discussed the Neighborhood Block Parent Program. The children are familiar with the Block Parent red and white sign and when they see it in the window of a house or a store, they know it is a safe place where adults will be present an willing to help.

Aquiana

Information Sheet on Sworn Videotaped Statements in Domestic Violence Occurances

(Disclaimer from the typist: This sheet is produced in Canada although I'm sure it's probably close in other places.)

Introduction
Sworn videotaped statements can be a valuable tool to support the effective investigation and prosecution of offences against victims of domestic violence. This overview provides police officers with information on when they should consider taking a sworn videotaped stement, and the prcedures that are involved.

Admissibility of a Sworn Videotaped Statement (SVS)
The court must find that the Videotaped statement is necessary and reliable before admitting it. Generally, to be admissible, a sworn videotaped statement should be taken in accordance with the following principles:

the statement is made under oath.affirmation;
the statement is made voluntarily with informed consent;
the witness is warned or cautioned, prior to making the statement, that prosecutions may be limited for any falsehood; and
the statement is videotaped in it's entirety.

What are the Benefits of Using Sworn Videotaped Statements in Domestic Violence Cases?

In domestic violence occurrences, the benefits of taking a sworn videotaped statement may include the following:
providing a true-to-life account of the emotional/physical trauma experienced by the victim that may be shown in court.
providing the Crown and court with the best evidence that may be available;
the SVS may assist with the early resolution of the case;
responding to the enormous pressures on the victims abusive relationships; and
increasing the likelihood of a successful prosecutions in the case.

When Should an SVS Be Taken?
Whenever appropriate and practicable, officers should consider obtaining a sworn videotaped statement from the victim in accordance with the principles for admissibility.

Officers must be sensitive to the victim's concerns/needs in order to reduce the likelihood of secondary victimization. The decision to obtain a sworn videotaped statement may be effected by the following factors:

the potential reaction by the cictim to the request, and the implications for the
continued investigation of the occurrence;
the most appropriate time for requesting and obtaining a sworn videotaped statement;
generally speaking the sooner the statement can be taken the better; and/or
specific concerns of the victim which may need to be addressed (e.g. childcare, medical, travel or employment arrangements)

How should an SVS be Obtained?

Explanation to Victim/Witness
Prior to requesting that the victim attent the station, and immediately before taking and SVS, officers should explain the importance of providng a sworn videotaped statement. Officers should prepare the victim in a sensitive manner, and in doing so, may wish to stress the imprtance of the following:

taking sworn videotaped statements in serious criminal offences is routine;
the caution does not mean that police disbelieve or doubt the victim.witness, but rather is read to stress the seriousness of the matter and the importance of telling the truth;
the victim may still be required to provide testimony in court; and
defense counsel will be provided a a copy of the videotaped statement

Request and Informed Consent
Officers should request, rather than compel, the victim to attend the station
The statements's admissiblility depends on the informed consent and voluntary participation of the victim
Victims should complete a consent form, which includes information on the interview caution and oath

Preamble to Videotaped Statement
The date, time, and place of the interview are stated;
The participants are identified (officers; witness; and if in atttendance the Commissioner of Oaths);
A brief description of the nature/circumstances of the offence is provided;
The victim /witness is cautioned and swears/affirms the oath; and
Any relevent documentation/exhibits are identifired and signed by the victim.

In the event that one, or more, of these conditions are not met the statement should still be provided to the Crown.

Swearing/Affirming the Oath
Where the Commissioner of Oaths is available, he/she should swear the witness.
Commissioner should be as neutral as the circumstances allow.


Equiptment and Evidential Issues
Ideally, where a sworn videotaped statement is taken, the following should be done:
the time and the date are recorded on the videotape;
the faces of all participants are visible;
the tape runs continuously throughout the duration of the statemen;and
a summary of the statement's contents should accompany the videotape for the Crown to review.

Aquiana

Okay, that's it! I was faster than I thought. Disregard the typing boo-boos please!

ICU

Lots of great info. here! I'm sure this will be invaluable to those that need to know what to do in a situation like this. I appreciate all your effort you put in this Aquiana.

Wendy1967

This is great information to know for those who are in danger of getting hurt by a physically abusive spouse/SO. Where are those of us supposed to go if we're abused mentally and verbally? We're treated like a joke.

happyagain

having a plan to get out is always fantastic, the key is getting out.....my ex-husband was/is very abusive. all together he has been married 4 times, i am wife #2, he beat at least the first three of us. i didn't find out how he treated his first wife until it was too late, and the last beating he gave me almost cost me my daughter as i was pregnant......i know it takes an enormous amount of courage to leave and find a safe haven and i hope and pray that you find that safe place before something happens that makes it impossible for you to leave....i.e. you death........like my aunt says......when you get out and he can't hit you anymore you'll learn to breath and live again.

hugs and best wishes

lost

FormerDoormat

Lost:

You should list that creep on DontDateHim.com to warn other unsuspecting women about him. Maybe it will save another woman from going through what you've been through.

Ayers1995

Never thought i'd be looking at this.... great information.

Morning Glory

I will be bumping some older stickie posts so we don't lose them from our search feature. It might be a little cluttered until you post on the normal threads.