pmaslan

he left the hospital without a word or a goodbye to me.
I feel so used.
I can't believe this.
I am in such incredible pain right now.
I can hardly keep it together.
All the lies OMG
I don't care how sick he is ...how could anyone treat another
human being like this....
Four days of lies and how he claimed he loves me
even this moring proclaiming his love

all the while plotting and planning his trip back to NY
I was incredibly blind....
I feel like such a fool
a used fool.....
I can hardly stand to be in my own skin right now

GettingBy

((((Patty)))).... thoughts and prayers are with you.

Please do something really special just for you tonight, okay?

cwohio

((patty)) - maybe by you not going to the hospital he realized that the hooks weren't working quite as well.

i am so sorry for your pain - please feel free to call me this evening if you want to talk or just vent.

Cynay

(((((Patty))))

Baby dont do this to yourself. You are not a fool, you are human.

Maybe God is doing for you what your not doing for yourself..... Removing him from your life so you can finish healing.... Put the focus back where it belongs hon.

pmaslan

He doesn't need to hook me, he has quite the enabler waiting
at the airport in NY.
I was just the girl to fill some time while in Chicago.
I feel so incredibly used

Cynay

BS... A's cant have enough enablers .... One is too many and a 1000 is not enough.

Im positive that he is figuring out that you did not and will not take the bait... Sweets he did NOT use you.... He only TRIED and you did not follow through.

GettingBy

Absolutely! I second that! Your recovery kept you from getting in the dance!

cwohio

that's exactly what i meant.

Cynay

YEA.... so you listened to the music. You DID NOT dance.

Recovery .... that is what this is, it may hurt some but it hurts alot less then it did a year ago and it wont last as long.

pmaslan

Here's what you don't know.
I totally caved in this morning.
Crying on the phone telling him I love him
telling him not to leave to stay here in
Chicago and go to the VA here.
He said he was considering it,
then gets on a plane 2 hours later.....

Minx1969

Patty,

It hurts to see you beating yourself up so much..Sweetie - ditto what Christie and Cynay already said..

Call your sponsor, go to a meeting (or two or three) tonight? Read some literature..anything positive to get out of the pain you are in..

You are right..tomorrow is a new day..the pain will seem less..

Girlfriend

I hear ya, Patty! I stood besides my xabf while he tried to commit suicide, told me that the scars on his wrists had (mine)"your name on them", his insane family, him harrassing me, the constant lying and then FINALLY having hope that he was really getting sober at The Farm, only for him to say to me over a month ago "I don't have anything to say to you" and ........that's it.

I felt and still feel really used. I know, I know....."then why did you stay with him?" questions may come. Well, cuz I saw in him what I was while I drank and I didn't have anyone around to help support my sobriety. I let him know that he treated me like dirt. I told him that I was hurt MANY times, but for me to forgive him and stick it out with him and then for him to all of a sudden say "See ya!" TOTALLY blew me away. I can't understand how a human being can do that to another.

Sure,......ok, he's an addict. Addicts don't think like we do. I drank for 10 years everyday and yeah, I hurt some people, but I NEVER blew anybody off that did stick by my side. So, this "addict" didn't treat people like that.

Best thing to do is let him go. Join a club, volunteer, go network with people, go shopping, get a new hair do, be with family and friends and cry all you want to and get it out. Time does heal all wounds and my faith is what I'm hanging on to DAILY!!

My prayers are with you, sweetheart!

((hugs))

Cynay

Alright.... So you Danced... but you DID NOT slow dance.

We have all done it hon, I dont know why you had to go through this... but I do have faith that there is a good reason, perhaps to save you more pain later...

He was fishing, Alcoholics do that....But that is no reason to think for ONE SECOND that you failed... I still see recovery all over you.

cwohio

me too!!!!

dax

Well now you know that there is no doubt that anything he tells you just manipulation and lies. You will be able to look back on today as the day you knew it was over. New life here you come . The road is going be rough but I know you will come out smiling at the end. hugs dax

Aquiana

I really hate to see you so hard on yourself. Nobody can be perfect 100% of the time. He's lucky to have someone like you who cares so much about him. He took advantage of your caring, that makes him the rotten one, not you. ((((Patty))))

Jazzman

Once you work through the pain, allow this lesson learned to solidify your resolve for no contact. You can do this. I doubt he will ever have this kind of power over you again!

guyinNC

You are never a fool to love. You are just a good person trapped by his alcoholism.

Me too......

Girlfriend

AMEN, BROTHA!!!

pmaslan

I really appreciate all the support eveyone has given me in the last couple of weeks.
I know I have monopolized this forum with my problems with very little
positiive output to others. I really don't think anything I would contribute at this
point would be useful or even taken into consideration, since my own affairs are in
such incredible disaray.