Angry about Mom
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Angry about Mom
Hello...I am new...been peeking around a bit.....
I am angry....and not sure how to let go and not care about my mom killing herself. I am an ACoA, dad's been sober @15 years now, Mom took over where he left off....Thank god he's sober. Mom's been hard at it @12 years....
Mom is a big Wino, when he is not being a speech therapist and a Very successful, well known, and long time special education teacher for special needs children.
Her issues are long and sad, childhood disappointments, family deaths, my dad's previous alcoholism...her reasons seem textbook.
She is pathetic, my anger destroys part of me. She is wonderful, or tries to be, in soooo many ways. Confrontation is useless and horridm though there has not been a formal confrontation. She a VERY easy person to make sad and hurt. She knows she's an alcoholic. I am confused about my role, responsibility, direction.
I miss her, and am VERY angry. Trying to let go, live my own life, and ignore her when she wonders why we are not close...
She needs a quiet, reserved, secular, professional, alcoholism detox in So. Calif....of course when she's not busy trying to teach, or cater to my father...or failing at being a wonderful mother and grandmother..... -Mouse
I am angry....and not sure how to let go and not care about my mom killing herself. I am an ACoA, dad's been sober @15 years now, Mom took over where he left off....Thank god he's sober. Mom's been hard at it @12 years....
Mom is a big Wino, when he is not being a speech therapist and a Very successful, well known, and long time special education teacher for special needs children.
Her issues are long and sad, childhood disappointments, family deaths, my dad's previous alcoholism...her reasons seem textbook.
She is pathetic, my anger destroys part of me. She is wonderful, or tries to be, in soooo many ways. Confrontation is useless and horridm though there has not been a formal confrontation. She a VERY easy person to make sad and hurt. She knows she's an alcoholic. I am confused about my role, responsibility, direction.
I miss her, and am VERY angry. Trying to let go, live my own life, and ignore her when she wonders why we are not close...
She needs a quiet, reserved, secular, professional, alcoholism detox in So. Calif....of course when she's not busy trying to teach, or cater to my father...or failing at being a wonderful mother and grandmother..... -Mouse
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
(((((((Mouse))))))))))
Welcome to our family!
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I'm also ACoA. My dad was an alcoholic for the first 21 years of my life - he's been sober the past 11. I know you know from your experience with your own dad that you can't make anyone see the light and get them to stop drinking. Your mom has to hit her bottom. It took my dad 21 years - maybe even longer - before he finally said enough. And no amount of begging, screaming, cajoling, threatening, or whatever from my mom or anyone else, not even seizures (one while he was at work) and becoming almost emaciated made him seek recovery before HE was ready.
All you can do is have compassion for your mom AND yourself. Seek your own path through recovery. If it helps you to say your piece, you can let your mom know it hurts you to see her this way and that you can't watch her destroy herself and that one day you hope she finds recovery. Once you've done that, there's not much you can do for her. You can only start trying to help yourself.
Do you attend meetings? Al-anon and ACoA meetings are a great way to help you deal with the anger and other stuff that comes with living with our A's. Coming to these boards is another thing that has been a lifesaver for me.
Keep coming back - you are not alone and we've all been where you are.
Sending many hugs your way,
JG
Welcome to our family!
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I'm also ACoA. My dad was an alcoholic for the first 21 years of my life - he's been sober the past 11. I know you know from your experience with your own dad that you can't make anyone see the light and get them to stop drinking. Your mom has to hit her bottom. It took my dad 21 years - maybe even longer - before he finally said enough. And no amount of begging, screaming, cajoling, threatening, or whatever from my mom or anyone else, not even seizures (one while he was at work) and becoming almost emaciated made him seek recovery before HE was ready.
All you can do is have compassion for your mom AND yourself. Seek your own path through recovery. If it helps you to say your piece, you can let your mom know it hurts you to see her this way and that you can't watch her destroy herself and that one day you hope she finds recovery. Once you've done that, there's not much you can do for her. You can only start trying to help yourself.
Do you attend meetings? Al-anon and ACoA meetings are a great way to help you deal with the anger and other stuff that comes with living with our A's. Coming to these boards is another thing that has been a lifesaver for me.
Keep coming back - you are not alone and we've all been where you are.
Sending many hugs your way,
JG
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Welcome Mouse!
I am so glad that you posted on the board! I don't know what it is like to have a parent with a drinking problem. My husband is an alcoholic. I do understand the anger part as all of us with a loved one with the disease does so very well.
Try, no matter how hard it is to stop obsessing about what she does or does not do!! Do yourself a favor and take care of YOU!
She has to want to get help and all the pleading in the world will not make her until she is ready.
Please keep coming back. Their are alot of people here that can relate to your situation and are here to help you.
I will pray for you and your Mother,
matters
I am so glad that you posted on the board! I don't know what it is like to have a parent with a drinking problem. My husband is an alcoholic. I do understand the anger part as all of us with a loved one with the disease does so very well.
Try, no matter how hard it is to stop obsessing about what she does or does not do!! Do yourself a favor and take care of YOU!
She has to want to get help and all the pleading in the world will not make her until she is ready.
Please keep coming back. Their are alot of people here that can relate to your situation and are here to help you.
I will pray for you and your Mother,
matters
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