By accident...
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: michigan
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By accident...
I was looking for something on the internet, and there the forums were. By accident of course, but some accidental circumstances can be good. So here goes...
I came from a very severe alcoholic family, father mentally and physically abusive, told myself I would never have a family "like ours", but "accidently" fell into one anyway. He started drinking after we were married, when he joined the military, and when he came home, he wasn't the same man I fell in love with. So, then I finally met the man I believed was my destiny.
He had just gotten out of rehab (his choice) and was very happy to be sober and when we met I told him what I expected out of my life...no alcohol included! Things were going great and this year will be his 12th year of sobriety.
Here's my problem...about 4 years after we were married, the adultery started. We saw a counselor, who pulled me off to the side and explained to me that my husband had an "addictive personality" and she told me what she felt would come, she said that there were 3 main addictions, drug and alcohol, adultery, and gambling.
Even though he didn't drink, he had some outburst that could have been considered drunk outburst. I stuck through the adultery, because I honestly believed he does love me, and our kids more than his life it itself. And it stopped, when I finally filed for a divorce and told him if I was going to get anything, it was going to be by who I CHOSE to sleep with, not who he chose. (considering the hiv risks)
But about 2 years ago...the counselor was right, next came the gambling. This has been the hardest thing to deal with of it all. Being raised with an alcoholic and adultress father, I learned from those experiences, but the gambling wasn't in the equation til after I had left my childhood home. Learning how to deal with things on my own to become the person I am today, with wanting a healthy family life for my kids and I strive to make it as far from my childhood as possible. The gambling is affecting us all.
I have tried to confront him, even so much as when he didn't come home at night, leaving the list of gambling addiction signs on the table where he could see it when he arrived home in the wee hours of the morning, broke. The reaction...a laugh (I was still awake). Telling him my 9 year old wants to know why his dad won't take him fishing. I have begged and pleaded, and the finances are dwindling.
This year, he decided to go to work in Iraq to help get away from it (his choice) but I think after me standing behind him at the casino with my hands on my hips saying you have 5 minutes to follow me out of here or your clothes will be waiting outside helped), but when he comes home on leave...it's right back to the casino.
I don't know what else to do. I'm losing strength.
(edit) I wanted to say this...if the 3 main addictions are alcoholism, adultery and gambling, when this cycle goes through, does it start all over again!?! Because if it does, I know I don't have the strength to go through it again. When does it stop!?!?
I came from a very severe alcoholic family, father mentally and physically abusive, told myself I would never have a family "like ours", but "accidently" fell into one anyway. He started drinking after we were married, when he joined the military, and when he came home, he wasn't the same man I fell in love with. So, then I finally met the man I believed was my destiny.
He had just gotten out of rehab (his choice) and was very happy to be sober and when we met I told him what I expected out of my life...no alcohol included! Things were going great and this year will be his 12th year of sobriety.
Here's my problem...about 4 years after we were married, the adultery started. We saw a counselor, who pulled me off to the side and explained to me that my husband had an "addictive personality" and she told me what she felt would come, she said that there were 3 main addictions, drug and alcohol, adultery, and gambling.
Even though he didn't drink, he had some outburst that could have been considered drunk outburst. I stuck through the adultery, because I honestly believed he does love me, and our kids more than his life it itself. And it stopped, when I finally filed for a divorce and told him if I was going to get anything, it was going to be by who I CHOSE to sleep with, not who he chose. (considering the hiv risks)
But about 2 years ago...the counselor was right, next came the gambling. This has been the hardest thing to deal with of it all. Being raised with an alcoholic and adultress father, I learned from those experiences, but the gambling wasn't in the equation til after I had left my childhood home. Learning how to deal with things on my own to become the person I am today, with wanting a healthy family life for my kids and I strive to make it as far from my childhood as possible. The gambling is affecting us all.
I have tried to confront him, even so much as when he didn't come home at night, leaving the list of gambling addiction signs on the table where he could see it when he arrived home in the wee hours of the morning, broke. The reaction...a laugh (I was still awake). Telling him my 9 year old wants to know why his dad won't take him fishing. I have begged and pleaded, and the finances are dwindling.
This year, he decided to go to work in Iraq to help get away from it (his choice) but I think after me standing behind him at the casino with my hands on my hips saying you have 5 minutes to follow me out of here or your clothes will be waiting outside helped), but when he comes home on leave...it's right back to the casino.
I don't know what else to do. I'm losing strength.
(edit) I wanted to say this...if the 3 main addictions are alcoholism, adultery and gambling, when this cycle goes through, does it start all over again!?! Because if it does, I know I don't have the strength to go through it again. When does it stop!?!?
Last edited by whatsnext; 02-13-2006 at 03:25 PM. Reason: forgot 1 thing
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Welcome to SR, whatsnext. Glad you're here. I suggest you post this on our Friends and Family or Naranon forums. You will get lots of replies from people who have been in your similar situation and who can offer some experience, strength and hope.
Iin the meantime, pull up a chair, take a read around and keep reaching out. You'll find lots of information and support here.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: When I find myself, I'll let you know!
Posts: 1,835
Welcome to SR!! I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. You may want to look into the Al-anon forum here in the friends and family section. Lots of support and understanding there.
Does your husband work a recovery program, such as AA? For me and many others, alcohol was but a symptom, I had a living problem. AA has taught me how to live life!! I know more about myself then ever before. This also helps me to know I don't need to gamble!! Addictive personality!! I have gambled and lost a few thousand prior to AA. No more gambling for me, doesn't fit in my new life!!
Hope this helps a little, and again, welcome!!
Missy
Does your husband work a recovery program, such as AA? For me and many others, alcohol was but a symptom, I had a living problem. AA has taught me how to live life!! I know more about myself then ever before. This also helps me to know I don't need to gamble!! Addictive personality!! I have gambled and lost a few thousand prior to AA. No more gambling for me, doesn't fit in my new life!!
Hope this helps a little, and again, welcome!!
Missy
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