marriedtoit

I'm new to this board and have a question about rehab. My A husband has gone into a 28 days rehab program and has been there for 6 days. Basically he has only gone through detox. This is his first time in a rehab facility. It has been a rough detox for him and he even had a seizure while there.

He has been calling me non-stop since the second day begging me to change his airline ticket and get him home. I chose a rehab center across the country because I knew it would not be easy for him to bolt. I didn't give him a credit card and gave him limited funds so he would have no other way to get home. He has been telling me absolute horror stories about this center. I have called the rehab center directly and have been told that what he is telling me is not the truth and it's most likely due to the fact that he's just agitated from detox. They informed me that once he gets out of detox and can participate in the program and go outside, I should see an improvement in his behavior.

I don't know if my husband is trying to manipulate me once again in order to get his way or if there is some truth in what he's telling me. I'm beginning to wonder if the conditions at this facility aren't the greatest. I did some research prior to sending him and felt this was a good program but my husband is starting to get to me. I'm also concerned whether or not he will get anything out of this program at all if he is this adamant about leaving.

If anyone has been through this, I would appreciate some advice. I'm trying to be strong and stick to my guns here but he's wearing me down.

Thanks.

Jon

Hi MarriedToIt,

Welcome to the community. Let me know, either privately or publicly, the name of the center and I will get you a "3rd party" run-down on what their all about.

Chances are that he is trying to manipulate you, but it's best to be sure. I will respond to you right away...

Gabe

My ex has been in rehab three times. The first time was while he was still living with me. He complained constantly about the place, even though I knew it was very reputable. My feeling on this is that if they don't want to be there, and if they aren't seeking recovery, they aren't going to like it. My ex has always thought that he was "better than" the people in rehab and "better than" the people in the program. The concept of "but for the grace of God go I" seems to have eluded him big time. Of course, it's denial too. "All those other people" belonged in rehab, but he didn't. In my opinion, Alcoholics are "people of the lie" and they will say anything to manipulate their situation to their advantage.
I'm sorry that you are going through all this, it's very tough. My thoughts and prayers go out to you this evening.
Peace,
Gabe

marriedtoit

Gabe,

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. They are really appreciated. I now believe it was just a way to manipulate me because Jon has assured me the program my husband is in is very reputable and top notch. I realize that I have been way too easy on my husband over the years and have always enabled him to drink. This time, I'm sticking to my guns! He called me again tonight and I told him I couldn't stop him if he wanted to leave but I wasn't going to help him do it and I refuse to rescue him yet again. It seems that I'm the one who always pays the consequences for his drinking and this time I refuse to do it. I asked him not to call me again if he was going to ask me to bail him out and I hung up. That felt so good!

My husband has tried to quit drinking on his own several times and the last time he even quit for 3 years. He knows he needs help and has talked to me about it several times. That's why his behavior is confusing to me. All I can do is pray and keep my fingers crossed that this program works.

sugar52

dear married,
i hope all is well, and i will share with you my husbands behavior at his in-patient rehab in oct.
first of all he decided to go because he had to do something different,(also he was asked to leave home here because of violence during last two benders. he decided to go where he was referred, 3 hours away and he decided to drive himself. he and i weren't really talking much. he got preapproved for 14- 21 days at conifer park in albany, a facility with a good reputtion. he left on a sat. and was going to call me when he arrived 3 hours later. well guess what, he went drinking on the way, and arrived 2 days later drunk,(which i was told was very common, last hurrah type behavior). he called me 2 days later with an attitude, witching about the food the counselors, the jail like atmosphere, had no money (spent it partying) had no cigs, ( forgot to buy them ,lied said couldn't buy them there. told me how he wasn't scum like these folks and he had to sleep near black scum from nyc and he didn't know why i made him go. lol,
i almost got myself worked up and he called everyday to whine and never asked how i was, how the kids were, how i was paying the bills. hothing but poor me crap!! one wwek later i went to family days and i didn't go for him, i went for myself. he was quoting the big book, promising things i'd never heard and i wanted so much to here. he made friends with the nyc scum and learned to put away his stupid redneck prejuidices for a few days. rehab planted the seed, and he stayed clean and sober for 30 days. he is now using pot and lieing, but not drinking. he went to aa meeting a couple of times, but he still doesn't think he's like those bible-toting nuts. oh well, i hope and pray he finds his way. ypu my friend take care of you and let him be a big boy and let's pray together that rehab can give him some tools for recovery for when he sees the need.
pleas refer to all posts that involve quacking and hear all the reasons not to get sober. you can go to alanon and get support for you and learn about this baffling illness.
hugs from sugar

openseason

For what its worth a 30 day rehab is what most insurance companies will cover. But from everthing I have read the 90 day programs are far more effective in getting the addicts permanently sober.

Kittycat

HI!
My husband had a seizure BEFORE he went in to detox...this is what sent him there. He was not in a thirty day program...but the doctor wanted him in one....he took the outpatient mode do to our business. I will tell you it did wonders for him so far...he is 90 days sober, attends AA at least once if not twice a day...continues with an outpatient program weekly and is seeing two professional counsellors...one for personal reasons the other for alcohol. We live apart..........I had him removed from my home about two months before he has this seizure...from what I have been told only 50% survive them. My A is serious this time..........I attented family nights...but beyond that I had to make him make the choices.............I was supportive...but let go of him. I did not let him manipulate me in anyway. BUT only you "A" can do this...he has to reallywant it...
Good luck to you both
Love kitty

marriedtoit

I just got off the phone with my husband and I'm dumbfounded. It's like he's done a total 360 from the last time we talked. He was laughing and joking with me, telling me how much he needs to be there, talking about all the friends he's made, raving about the program and suggesting I go to Al-Anon meetings while he's gone! I can't believe this is the same man that was begging me to come home just hours earlier! He finally moved out of the actual detox unit and has just now started the rehab process - meetings, etc. I'm so glad I didn't cave in this time!

I wish my husband could attend a 90 day program but my insurance paid very little for this. We are not wealthy people and I'm already paying thousands of dollars for the 28 day program so all I can do is hope and pray it's enough.

Thanks to everyone for all your kind thoughts and advice.

Kittycat

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! That is exatly the way my husband acted! He really loves his new friends in AA...I don't think they could relate to anyone before. I hope this works for you....sounds GOOOD!!!! Good luck to you both!
Love Kitty