Aquiana

I guess you can tell that G's good behavior ended. He depressed this morning about alot of things and this time he drank it away. I went this afternoon to my parent's house with the baby and when I came back, (they drove me because my grandma was down) the vehicle was gone. I called G on the cell phone and I could tell by the way he was talking that he was extremely drunk. He came home, parked half on the lawn and didn't come out right away. I went out, hoping he wasn't in the condition I knew he was going to be in and of course he was. I finally grew the gonads necessary to call it in this time. He did drive away while I was on the phone but came back before the police got here. I think he was too drunk to even realize they were coming. He's been arrested for drinking on probation and a warrant I didn't even know he had. The officer told me it's going to be 10 hrs before he has a hope of getting out in the state he's in. They promised they would call me when it happened.

So what now? I'm pretty much lost now on what to do. I just called my parents which qualifies as one of the hardest things I've ever done. What happens after 10 hours. Unfortunately he has every right to come back here. I'm a little scared, and I obviously have no idea what to do. I was naive, and never ever ever thought it would get this far. I'm proud of my new gonads, but I'm scared stiff.

quietsins

take a deep breath, take the baby, and go to your parents.

gather together everything you both will need and leave.

Swallow your pride and you will be able to think clearer at your parents than you will living in fear of him returning.

one step at a time,, but safe steps.

quietsins

ICU

I don't know your entire situation, so I'm not sure I understand why you called the police.

He was parked on the lawn so he wasn't technically driving at the moment that you called, right? Yes, he had been driving previous to that, but was he going inside the house, or were you concerned that he was about to drive off again, like he apparently did.

I just need a little more to go on.

ASpouse

If you are drunk and behind the wheel of the car, even if it isn't running or moving, you can be arrested for DUI! If you are drunk, at least in NJ, if you are in the car you can be arrested for DUI ...... even if you're behind the wheel sleeping it off.

Aquiana, take the baby and go to your parents. G blew it .... hopefully for the last time that you will put up with it. No more excuses, he blew it! .

quietsins

psssssssst.... another thing.... you didnt cause him to drink, nor "forget" to tell you he had an arrest warrent out for him.

go to your parents....

if you dont change things... nothing changes.

quietsins

ASpouse

Very true quietsins ..... Aquiana, you had nothing to do with this episode, nothing at all.

TexasGirl

Hey Aquiana,
Are you worried that he's going to realize that you called him in and be mad? Is there any way he could know that it wasn't coincidence that the police showed up? If you think he will know it's you, I think I would do as everyone else suggested...you and the baby stay somewhere else for the night. Just to be certain he wasn't completely enraged. Take care.

cwohio

((aquiana)) - i think it's an excellent idea to go to you parents for the night.

escape artist

well even if he did find out, you would do it again if it happened again wouldn't you? maybe with your new set of gonads you would tell him that too. of course he could think about that and say something like, "i can't live with someone i can't trust" and then you can say , "touche, dummmaaaasssss". jmo.

chrisea

"i can't live with someone i can't trust" and then you can say , "touche, dummmaaaasssss". lots good advice... also could add "I can't live like this way anymore either"
For him, he will be held for a while, they will retest him, generally get a higher percentage, then they will call someone to come pick him up, his vehicle might be impounded (that's a separate trip, with fine money paid, before released, depending on prior stuff, sometimes someone other than him will have to drive vehicle) Then it is up to him to get attorney & like a friend once told me what a coworkers attorney said - "Come and see me & bring your checkbook..."

psssssssst.... another thing.... you didnt cause him to drink, nor "forget" to tell you he had an arrest warrant out for him (I sure know about this one...it's like maybe they think you won't find out sometime???)

go to your parents....

Nothing changes, if nothing changes
Take care of your baby and yourself

JessicaNAJ

(((aquiana))) Go to your parents.

StandingStrong

I believe that you've gotten great advice here. I think for your safety, you should go to your parents. Even if your physical safety isn't in jeapordy, I imagine that the emotional abuse that you may endure may be dangerous. He's going to be hung over, angry, and blaming the world because I'm sure he can't take the blame for this one! We know how they are.
You've made the call. The situation is as it is. Now......where do you want to go from here?

pmaslan

nothing more to add you have recieved loads of good advice....
I hope you went to your parents last night....
How are you doing today?

Aquiana

Just a quick update. The baby and I are still at my parent's house this morning. We will probably be here for a couple of days. I don't know where G is right now. I tried to call the house (blocked the #) to see if he'd answer but he didn't. I didn't want to speak to him, mostly just wanted to know if it was safe to go and pick a couple of things up for the baby. He doesn't really need anything but I was going to see if I could sneak in and get some of the baby food I made out of the freezer and a couple of receiving blankets out for him. I also have to feed my cat. Unfortunately I had to leave him behind since my parent's have a cat and a pup. Poor cat. I hope he's okay. I dropped the baby off here last night and snuck back for some of his things. Two very nice female officers showed up while I was loading up the van and talked to me for a bit. They told me they would hold off on releasing him for a couple of hours so I had time to get my things out. They told me I had the option of filing charges about the driving but she kind of said off the record that it can wind up being quite a circus with court dates ect. and if I just wanted to end things and get on with it, than that might now be in my best interests. I didn't. I really don't have the time nor the child care to have to sit in court. They also told me that contrary to what another officer had told me a while ago that since my name is the only one on the lease, they would probably still remove him from the property when I told him to go. She said to change the locks, and if he tries to get in, they will come and get him. I'm going to try to think of a reasonable time for him to be out, within a couple of weeks, and then I'll call them again if he hasn't done it yet. There is a touch of guilt that I shouldn't have but it's still not easy.

If he tries to make a bunch of promises again, and really this time he may be angry enough not to bother, I'm going to tell him that he needs to go somewhere else for help first. I know he won't do it if we stay together. Even if he did get help I'm not sure the two of us could do it. I'm not positive I'll ever trust him again, even if he got sober.

Thanks for everyone's kind words. This has proven even so far to be one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I'm sure it won't get better for a while.

elizabeth1979

Girl, its so hard to do, I know.
You did what you needed to do.
I think part of my enabling, was not calling the police before.
Stay strong, you can do this, and please keep us posted!

(((Aquiana)))

laurie6781

You have come a very long way!!!!! You know "it takes what it takes."

In your case, the "mama lion" within you has now come to fore and you are doing everything you can to protect that sweet baby of yours. You go girl.

It will be hard, yes, but this move will also bring you some serenity and peace of mind. Aren't those important things to be transmitting to your child?? I believe they are.

Keep us posted, and vent all you need to, we are here for you.

Love and hugs,

LeafOnTheWind

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've been there, too. I wish I would've had the courage to do something about it 30 years ago, but I didn't.

If you are afraid that he is going to hurt you, you should get an order of protection taken out on him, and lock him out of the house. He won't change unless he feels he is going to lose something precious to him.

I agree with you that he needs to get into a program and quit drinking. Empty promises without action will not change him. I've been there, too, thinking that my love, or at least his love for the kids would make a difference. The pull of alcohol is just too strong for some to give it up without professional help and guidance.

It won't be easy. It never is. Courage, sweetie.