What's wrong with me?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: wayne, Michigan
Posts: 21
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me? I guess I am codependent or dumb or something. My husband is serving 70 days in jail for his third DUI, while actually the the second parole violation is put him in jail. He was on probation and then had a probation appointment the next day and drank. "It should have been out of me system by 0700 the next morning" So to avoid jail he went to a great rehab program, only stayed 9 days becuase they told me he was ok and doesn't need inpatient treatment. But during the family visits I was able to hear what a "great nice guy I have." What a joke. He relapsed the next day becuase, I "asked him how long it would be before he drank again" I didn't believe him so that caused him to drink. I know I didn't cause it and it is easier to blame me than for him to take responsibility. So 2-3 weeks after he got out of rehab he violated probation again. He had a probation appointment Saturday morning and drank so much Friday before 300 p.m. that it was still in his system on Saturday, (or so he says, my dad thinks he must have drank during the night). Both times he "only blew a .05 or some small amount." But of course he shouldn't be drinking at all. And to make matters worse while for some dumb reason I am not grasping how serious it could be. While he was drinking enough to pass out (of course he says he was only tired) he was watching my 18 month-old son.
Due to his drinking he lost his driver's license for 5 years, his job, we are probably going to be evicted from our house, my credit is horrible (all the bills are in my name) he (I know probably me too) has put my son in danger and I am not sure why I want him still. I work 3 days a week, go to school 5 days a week, ( I will have my nursing degree in 10 months if I can finish and handle this) So I have a future, and I don't want my son to know that it is normal for the man to be passed out in the middle of the living room/hall/kitched or wherever. I know all the reasons why this relationship is not good for me and for my son. My mom is at my house while I am at work cleaning the house and watching my son so we can put the house up for sell. Since he is in jail I have to drive between three different houses a few hours apart and school where I put on a little over 500 miles a week. I got rid of my dog that I had since he was a puppy 5 years ago. So I am staying extremly busy, I have no time to think or do anything. My grades are not good, I am passing but just barely. He or I have to admit I am letting him so all this to me and still I want my husband back. But my husband is gone, replaced by the drunk. Not to make excuses but his mom and dad died a year apart, his dad of a heart attack and his mom killed herself a year later ( they were divorced, so not related)
I am under so much stress. I need to do what is right for my son and I don't want to have to take care of my husband the rest of his life. He made his mistakes and I am paying for them. I have been at SR for a couple of months now and have learned or at least trying to practice detaching. From jail he has told me that he is sorry, that things will be better when he gets home and that "hopefully I can maintain my sobrity". And knowing everything I do about him I want to fool myself into believing its true. He has lied to me so many times, has risked my son, I am not sure if I love him or not, I must or something becuase I want the man I dated back. I want to be taken care of which maybe I was always the strong one or the one who can't let go of control, so "have some fun." My dad is an alcholic and my mom divorced him and married a another alcholic who was a great guy. My husband's parents were both alcholics.
I just don't know what I should do? Or I know, I should leave him, in my mind I know (or do I) that leaving is the best but in my heart I still want him. Thanks for listening. And sorry this is soooooo lonnnggg and boring.
Due to his drinking he lost his driver's license for 5 years, his job, we are probably going to be evicted from our house, my credit is horrible (all the bills are in my name) he (I know probably me too) has put my son in danger and I am not sure why I want him still. I work 3 days a week, go to school 5 days a week, ( I will have my nursing degree in 10 months if I can finish and handle this) So I have a future, and I don't want my son to know that it is normal for the man to be passed out in the middle of the living room/hall/kitched or wherever. I know all the reasons why this relationship is not good for me and for my son. My mom is at my house while I am at work cleaning the house and watching my son so we can put the house up for sell. Since he is in jail I have to drive between three different houses a few hours apart and school where I put on a little over 500 miles a week. I got rid of my dog that I had since he was a puppy 5 years ago. So I am staying extremly busy, I have no time to think or do anything. My grades are not good, I am passing but just barely. He or I have to admit I am letting him so all this to me and still I want my husband back. But my husband is gone, replaced by the drunk. Not to make excuses but his mom and dad died a year apart, his dad of a heart attack and his mom killed herself a year later ( they were divorced, so not related)
I am under so much stress. I need to do what is right for my son and I don't want to have to take care of my husband the rest of his life. He made his mistakes and I am paying for them. I have been at SR for a couple of months now and have learned or at least trying to practice detaching. From jail he has told me that he is sorry, that things will be better when he gets home and that "hopefully I can maintain my sobrity". And knowing everything I do about him I want to fool myself into believing its true. He has lied to me so many times, has risked my son, I am not sure if I love him or not, I must or something becuase I want the man I dated back. I want to be taken care of which maybe I was always the strong one or the one who can't let go of control, so "have some fun." My dad is an alcholic and my mom divorced him and married a another alcholic who was a great guy. My husband's parents were both alcholics.
I just don't know what I should do? Or I know, I should leave him, in my mind I know (or do I) that leaving is the best but in my heart I still want him. Thanks for listening. And sorry this is soooooo lonnnggg and boring.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Numb,
While I know firsthand it's easier than done, I think you need to sit down and try to breathe. You have a lot of thoughts and questions running through your mind and this tends to get me more confused and jumbled up when it happens to me and I'd say it's probably like that for everyone.
You are feeling very overwhelmed right now which is very normal for all that you are dealing with. So, you need to stop and really sort things out. You can only deal with one thing at a time, so prioritize that list and decide what you can do (if anything) about the issues at hand. Then you start on them one at a time.
Meanwhile, you need to stop looking at your man so much and take a good look at you. You've been surrounded by alcoholics throughout your family and then ended up with one. Do you want your son to live as you did? Do you, yourself, want to keep living in the muck and mire that has come to be so normal for you? It's time to do some soul searching and put the focus on YOU!!!
While I know firsthand it's easier than done, I think you need to sit down and try to breathe. You have a lot of thoughts and questions running through your mind and this tends to get me more confused and jumbled up when it happens to me and I'd say it's probably like that for everyone.
You are feeling very overwhelmed right now which is very normal for all that you are dealing with. So, you need to stop and really sort things out. You can only deal with one thing at a time, so prioritize that list and decide what you can do (if anything) about the issues at hand. Then you start on them one at a time.
Meanwhile, you need to stop looking at your man so much and take a good look at you. You've been surrounded by alcoholics throughout your family and then ended up with one. Do you want your son to live as you did? Do you, yourself, want to keep living in the muck and mire that has come to be so normal for you? It's time to do some soul searching and put the focus on YOU!!!
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