EmmaJ

Well, for two weeks he's loved me (even though he still stays up all night to avoid sleeping with me). But, today I didn't have a cheery enough smile on my face when he decided to fall off the wagon so I've pretty-well been called every filthy disgusting name in the book.

He told me he will never forgive me because I ruined his night and that he isn't going to stay with me when he gets his inheritance money in a couple of months.

Interestingly, I have supported him completely for over two years, and I gave him all his spending money for a year before that. But, now that he is getting an inheritance, he figures he will just use it to leave me.

I don't know why I put up with this. Part of it is because I love him, of course, but I think if I'm honest part of it is because I already left one loser husband to hook up with him, and it's pretty humiliating to have to admit to the world that I am such an idiot when it comes to men.

velvet

Oh Emma. I feel your pain. Don't listen to the words of a drunk. They are the idiots for saying them. They feel so low, themselves, so they must make others feel lower. And don't, for one minute, think you are an idiot for ending up with men like that. That would make me an idiot also. And I know that I am not! I had 2 horrible marriages. First one, abusive alcoholic, the second, abusive workaholic. I was however, the idiot that had two children with each. Don't let his words hurt you one more minute. "Words are rubber, looks are glue...they bounce off of me and stick to you" (just say that silly rhyme in your head when you hear his awful voice.)
:ValA020:

princess9282001

Dont be so hard on yourself! From what you say you dont have a man, but a little boy. You'll be better off without him. Let him go. I know easier said then done, but think positive. When he has spent all that inheritance, and believe me he will. He'll be broke and you'll be alot better off without him. Before he leaves I say tell him hey buddy do I get some of that inhertance. I've taking care of you for past 2 yrs. I think I deserve it. Thats just me rude and crude. Guys like him **** me off. I had one just like him.

Girlfriend

......*shakes my head* Gyaw, Emma...I can't believe that there are so many men (well, and probably women, too) out there that are made from the same A mold.

My xabf sounds just like what you described and he would tell me that I'm the one that was wishy-washy. We always see in others what we don't like about ourselves.

There's not a doggone thing you can do to please them, so why in the heck do we even try? They use us for money (I spent PLENTY on him..........oh, and he always "felt so badly" about it...yeah, right!) and then when something else comes around......they split.

BUT,...that's THEIR life story, not our's. Does not mean that we can't have a honest, loving relationship with someone that truly loves us. I'm 45 and I'm still hanging on to Hope that "he's" out there. I know God wants to bless me with the one man that I can love and he can love me back....truly.

We're not failures....not at all. Ya know why? Because we're LEARNING from our past choices, maybe it takes a couple of times....but we're learning.

They will just keep going from one to another to another to another and nothing will change. They don't even think they have a problem....pppfffftt!

Hang in there, Emma!!

((hugs))

Digits101010

you don't have to admit to the world anything, to begin with. what's your business is your experience and if you want to keep that private - you do have the right to keep that private. the world i am in would understand why you do what you do and why you maybe did make the same sort of mistake...however with that said.

you left one "loser" to come to "loser#2" okay. did you <i>know</i> loser#2 was a loser? of course not! Now, let's bake a cake: we start with high hopes, pepper with denial, sprinkle in some familiar patterns, add some caretaking, a pinch of fear of being alone and here may be your situation.

i can relate to how you're feeling and it's no fun. sanity is quite elusive for me when i get to this place. so i post. i move from my comfort zone and call another person in recovery. danger for me is when shame and guilt start spinning in my head, when i start calling myself names for *having done it again*...etc.

i am so sorry any of us have to go through with this crap.

much love, warm thoughts, prayers...
digits

mallowcup

I'm sorry Emma. Don't worry he'll drink enough to forget what he said. I have always thought that if they can drink enough to forget what they say, they should be allowed to drink enough so I could forget what they say. To bad it doesn't work that way. Some may disagree but I thought up an idea for this situation. A tape recorder. If the day ever comes when you need reasons or you want to give him a dose of himself, hit PLAY.

Gabe

Emma, you are not an idiot.
Making bad choices in our relationships does not make us idiots.
I think you can already see that this is a self-defeating relationship.
You deserve someone who loves you and treats you with respect.
And that is what you will find.
First, you have to treat yourself with love and respect.
You're headed in the right direction.

nutz

Sorry,
but I read on from a co-dependent book.
There a cycle to the madness.
There's 5 pionts

Real close
Then chaos
Then guilt
Then enbling
Then love hunger
Then it starts again.

I started observing
It was wierd..she did it like clock work, just like the book said.
I cuaght myself little by little , it still's hard , but at least, I'm not
totally bewilder anymore.

FriendofBill

Awareness of your bad choice is the key to changing it.
Staying becuase you chose not to admit the bad choice is compounding the problem.

Thereby making another bad choice.

When enough is enough, make a different choice.

Welcome and keep coming back!