I think ALL has been revealed.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
I think ALL has been revealed.....
A week ago my ex called to say he would be in town for
business and wanted to see me.
I agreed to see him and became distressed about the whole thing.
I thought I would have a very different response to him
if the day ever came that he called me.
Funny, how I thought I had so much more recovery than I really did.
When he called last Thursday we talked for 90 minutes.
At the end of the conversation he said he would call again.
Didn’t give a day or time and I didn’t ask.
To my surprise he called me the next morning before I left for work.
After he asked a couple of questions, I told him I had to leave for work
and he asked me to call him later, when I got to work.
I called him a couple of hours later from work …no answer
I tried one more time before I left my office and he answered.
However, this time he was a whole different person (although I know
he is one and the same.)
He said he was sick, slept all day, had the flu.
How funny only 6 hours earlier he was joking and on top of the world.
Said he had to go, would call later and then hung up.
That was the end of that, haven’t heard a word since Friday.
Since then I have done a lot of thinking. While we were together he would
go between manic and depressed moods periodically. So that is what I
thought was happening those 2 days he called me.
After more thought, I’m not so sure that was it. Perhaps he was
drinking and when I called he was in the hangover, sobering up stage,
as his mood was very dark.
It really doesn’t matter at this point.
I have decided that no matter what; I am no longer interested in the game.
I don’t care if he comes to town or not, has a new job or not.
I am grateful I took the call.
I had been silently mourning him and all of the
“what could have beens “ far too long. This latest drama has snapped me back to reality. Somehow it has served an incredible purpose. It came with plenty of warning, with plenty of time for me to think and plan.
Earlier in this post I said I felt I didn’t have enough recover,
on the contrary I do.
Let me tell you what the old Patty would have done:
Repeatedly call him after the abrupt hang up, I would have called
his mother to convey my concerns, called the ex wife, he has been staying with, Got on a plane or jumped in my SUV to N.Y. I would have been in total mania. I would have been a mess.
Instead I spent time with my boys, talked with friends, read, enjoyed my home,
And thanked my HP for all that he has shown me.
My counselor told me I’m stuck in the middle of the tunnel…too far yet to see
the light at the end and too far in to go back to the beginning……
If I didn’t believe that before I certainly do now……
I’m going to be okay….no ….way more than okay.
business and wanted to see me.
I agreed to see him and became distressed about the whole thing.
I thought I would have a very different response to him
if the day ever came that he called me.
Funny, how I thought I had so much more recovery than I really did.
When he called last Thursday we talked for 90 minutes.
At the end of the conversation he said he would call again.
Didn’t give a day or time and I didn’t ask.
To my surprise he called me the next morning before I left for work.
After he asked a couple of questions, I told him I had to leave for work
and he asked me to call him later, when I got to work.
I called him a couple of hours later from work …no answer
I tried one more time before I left my office and he answered.
However, this time he was a whole different person (although I know
he is one and the same.)
He said he was sick, slept all day, had the flu.
How funny only 6 hours earlier he was joking and on top of the world.
Said he had to go, would call later and then hung up.
That was the end of that, haven’t heard a word since Friday.
Since then I have done a lot of thinking. While we were together he would
go between manic and depressed moods periodically. So that is what I
thought was happening those 2 days he called me.
After more thought, I’m not so sure that was it. Perhaps he was
drinking and when I called he was in the hangover, sobering up stage,
as his mood was very dark.
It really doesn’t matter at this point.
I have decided that no matter what; I am no longer interested in the game.
I don’t care if he comes to town or not, has a new job or not.
I am grateful I took the call.
I had been silently mourning him and all of the
“what could have beens “ far too long. This latest drama has snapped me back to reality. Somehow it has served an incredible purpose. It came with plenty of warning, with plenty of time for me to think and plan.
Earlier in this post I said I felt I didn’t have enough recover,
on the contrary I do.
Let me tell you what the old Patty would have done:
Repeatedly call him after the abrupt hang up, I would have called
his mother to convey my concerns, called the ex wife, he has been staying with, Got on a plane or jumped in my SUV to N.Y. I would have been in total mania. I would have been a mess.
Instead I spent time with my boys, talked with friends, read, enjoyed my home,
And thanked my HP for all that he has shown me.
My counselor told me I’m stuck in the middle of the tunnel…too far yet to see
the light at the end and too far in to go back to the beginning……
If I didn’t believe that before I certainly do now……
I’m going to be okay….no ….way more than okay.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I think that's how it works sometimes. You don't realize how far you've come until you consider going back. Somehow the past just seems like the past, something you have outgrown. I will be seeing my ex in May at our sons Wedding. I am not the crumpled up mess he left in a heap 20 years ago. I am not intimidated what-so-ever. The only discomfort I have is being embarrassed for him. He has progressively lost any good thing he ever had, his good job, his family. Now he pumps gas at a mini mart, lives over a bar on the wrong end of town, continues to drink and date women with no teeth or manners. I was jobless and unskilled, two little boys, ewithout a dime or a car. Today I am an RN, I own my home and have a rental property, my sons have grown to be handsome, polite men. There was a day and an hour when he handed me a loaded gun and told me to do him a favor and blow my head off. Years from now you will run into this man at the most least likely time and you will probably feel sorry for him. I hope something along his path makes you pleasantly suprised. Until then, I'd stop contact, you are headed in the right direction.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Anywhere,USA
Posts: 511
Lately I've been having some second thoughts,
reminicing about the way it used to be so nice to have "someone" during the holidays...and with V-day once again approaching!
It's been 3 years since my ex left...as of the 31st of last month...
I miss his family over the holidays...
I know that I can't "go back"...nor would Iwish to, in my sane and rational brain.
Sometimes I fear getting that call....
So good on ya for having the strength to get through it without a "relapse"!
reminicing about the way it used to be so nice to have "someone" during the holidays...and with V-day once again approaching!
It's been 3 years since my ex left...as of the 31st of last month...
I miss his family over the holidays...
I know that I can't "go back"...nor would Iwish to, in my sane and rational brain.
Sometimes I fear getting that call....
So good on ya for having the strength to get through it without a "relapse"!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Sunshine....I don't want to mislead you this was very hard for me.
I have been working an incredible program for over 1 year with a couple of
relapses along the way.
I am not out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination.
The next hurdle will be when he gets to town and just does the "pop in"
That will be the real test of my recovery, but for now one victory at a time.
Cheescake anyone?????
LOL
I have been working an incredible program for over 1 year with a couple of
relapses along the way.
I am not out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination.
The next hurdle will be when he gets to town and just does the "pop in"
That will be the real test of my recovery, but for now one victory at a time.
Cheescake anyone?????
LOL
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
As you anticipate his arrival in town and your posssible vulnerability to him, is there a way to avoid seeing or hearing from him? This is why I quit drinking all together. It made me tolerant and vulnerable to my husbands drinking.I purposely took a job where I could be called into work at any time. I can't change him but I can set my own life up for success.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Christie ...LOL no crystal ball gazing here...just call it a huntch and how well
I know the behaviour....... (I am really gonna have to get some cheesecake after all this talking about it...I'll wait for Jill F.D. to get here....lol)
Mallowcup: He doesn't know where I have moved to, although not too hard a task
for one so inclined. I am more worried that he will come to my office. I certainly can't avoid going to work for the 2 weeks he will be in town, (although I'd love the time off...lol.) I work alone in an office.....so I am a sitting duck... not to worry I'll come up with a new plan......
Who knows maybe the new job is as much a reality as his alledged sobriety is...
one day at a time........and the beat goes on .......
I know the behaviour....... (I am really gonna have to get some cheesecake after all this talking about it...I'll wait for Jill F.D. to get here....lol)
Mallowcup: He doesn't know where I have moved to, although not too hard a task
for one so inclined. I am more worried that he will come to my office. I certainly can't avoid going to work for the 2 weeks he will be in town, (although I'd love the time off...lol.) I work alone in an office.....so I am a sitting duck... not to worry I'll come up with a new plan......
Who knows maybe the new job is as much a reality as his alledged sobriety is...
one day at a time........and the beat goes on .......
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