infinitie25

I am new to this forum. I have memories of my mom getting drunk since I was 8 years old. I'm not sure if she had a problem back then, but I'm positive she's got a problem now. 2 years ago my stepfather left her and it seems like she just went crazy...going out and getting drunk every weekend- leaving the kids with me or my grandfather- coming home and stumbling upstairs...it makes me sick to see her be like that in front of my brothers. I know I can't change her and I know that she has to want to change. I'm 25 years old and I haven't moved out to help her but I can't stay there anymore and watch this happen. But then again, I want to be there for my brothers. But maybe if I leave, she might realize that she needs to change? Any ideas?

emmanuel2012

plan 1: gather all your family together when she is off to a liquor run or something and see if you can gather a support for an intervention. these things only work well when two or more people kind of approach her about her alcoholism. many times, you'll be suprised that they admit they have a problem and then they FINALLY agree to seek professional help. only take an inpatient rehab for an answer.

plan 2: move out and you'll brothers will eventually understand, but your mom will get worse. she realize some of what she has done, but it may happen again. revert to plan 1 if you can.

good luck! ill keep your mom in my prayers.

infinitie25

Why only take inpatient rehab as an answer? I have already confronted her about an incident when she had been drinking by telling her that I am concerned about her and I love her- that it what she did scared me...she brushed me off. Our relationship is weird anyway so I wasn't surprised. I think she'd be more receptive if her friends were to talk to her. They have already told me that they are concerned about her so it should be no problem to get them together for an intervention. Thank you for your input!

ibgoo73

Hey, sorry to hear about mom. I went through the same stuff with my dad growing up. (I am 32 now and have my own family.) Dad was a complete drunk. When he was 32 they put him in detox cuz his liver and kidneys shut down. After that he drank on binges. Til he got so sick he couldn't work for a week. Then he'd quit for sometimes a week, sometimes a year. Well, now he's 69 and sober. He had a really bad stroke 5 years ago and his brain is now charcoal-broiled. He's very much like Ozzy Osbourne now. To be honest with you, there's really not alot you can do. My dad had 5 great kids who all loved the hell out of him. Even when the drinking made him really mean. We would try and encourage him to stop all of the time. I truly beleive that they are really unhappy personally and depressed. You can intervene all you want, or at least try. But, much like drug abuse, it's up to them. You need to go on with your life. I know it's hard. She's a grown up. She wouldn't want you to put your life on hold for her. Be there when she needs you and love her to peices. That's all you can do. Encourage her to get help. But, don't be disappointed when she doesn't. Accept it. But, go on with your life! You deserve that! Good luck to you...
gina

infinitie25

(ibgoo73) My fear is that I am somehow going to be an enabler- because of my caring nature. I am going to a Al-Anon meeting on Monday so hopefully that could give me some insight.

DesertEyes

Hey there infinite, and welcome to SR.

Both my folks were out-of-control alkies. The best thing that I ever did was get involved in al-anon. You will find a lot of good people who can tell you their experience with their alkies and addicts. Experience that you can then adapt to your own needs. They also have tons of literature that can help you figure it all out. Betwen now and Monday you can read all the "sticky" posts in this website. There's a lot of good stuff over in the "Friends and Family" and "Nar-Anon" sections that you may find useful.

You may want to hold off on making any major decisions until you've had a chance to check out all that information.

Welcome again, and please post any questions you may have, that's what this forum is for :-)

Mike :-)

winterblues

Infinite: My situation is so similiar other than the fact that I did leave my mother because I couldn't sit back and watch her do this to herself, and also the fact that her boyfriend kicked us out of his house. I've since than established my own life and feel very fortunate to have done so well for myself considering I didn't have much to go by. I'm still struggling with my mother and it's been over two weeks since we've last spoken because of another one of her drunken outrages. I'm constanly online searching for anwsers and facilities to help my family through such a tough time. I find myself constanly on this website hoping to get some sort of insight to this and it's definetley helped me to hear similiar situations to my own. It seems like everyones advice is to keep living your own life and never let an alcoholic hold you back. It seems very hard to me considering she's my mother but I can admit some distance from her lately has been a nice relief. You're 25 years old just like myself and if you don't start living your life for yourself, your going to have a lot of regrets in your future that you missed out. These are the most free spirited times in your life, definetely take advantage of it and keep yourself happy!