spacegirl

Well I'm on Day 2. I'm still really motivated but I had some terrible dreams last night, that's when I managed to get to sleep, I was awake most of the night sweating and burning up.

It wasn't until I was sending an email to a friend that seeing it written down made me wonder if the dream was somehow... I can't explain it. Symbollic I suppose. It was horrible so if graphic descriptions of murder, violence and mutilation would upset you please don't read anymore.






I dreamed that my boyfriend had turned into a monster who was trying to kill me and he chased me all over the place. I kept hiding and he kept coming after me with knives and baseball bats. I thought I'm going to have to kill him before he kills me, so I started trying to beat him and stab him. Then he turned into my baby rabbit but he was still a demon in disguise. Sharp teeth, kept trying to bite me and burrow into my body like the alien form Aliens.

I was battering the demon (my baby rabbit - sobs!) with clubs and stamping on her and kicking her and pulled her eyes out and eventually she was almost dead. The vivid mental picture of the crumpled up body of my little rabbit will stay with me forever even though it was just a nightmare. She just kept coming back to life though and wouldn't die. I was running around trying to find something heavy enough to smash her head in with (sorry, I said it was graphic and horrible)

and eventually I realised the only thing I had heavy enough to do that was... a wine bottle. To my relief it was full so it would be heavy enough. I was just hitting her with that and she didn't even look like my little bunny anymore but just as she came to life again and was violently savaging me...

My boyfriend woke me up as I was hyperventilating and tossing around in my sleep so he could see I was having a nightmare.

It wasn't' till I was writing the email to my best friend when it occured to me that it might be symbollic about fighting a 'demon' who I used to love, and about it was going to kill me if I didn't kill it first and the weapon was a full bottle of wine.



I couldn't look my poor little Jemima (our baby bunny) in the face today when I changed her water dish and gave her her hay and lettuce... I go cold all over when I see that picture in my head of what she looked like after I'd done all that to her in the nightmare


Does anyone else remember having wierd symbollic dreams like this while they were quitting? I don't know about dream symbolism or how to read dreams but that's how I interpreted it anyway.

If anybody else has experienced wierd scary dreams that they think are symbollic whilst quitting I'd be really interested in hearing your stories

thanks again everyone for helping me so much. I can't do it without this place.

RovingStar

Absolutely. Very vivid nightmares and so realistic I could almost feel them. Your description of your nightmare sounds very familiar to me. They will pass after a couple of nights and remember, dreams can't actually hurt you.

Good luck.

OnceNice

Congrats on Day 2.
Haven't had any bad dreams yet, but from what I read, thery are probably coming.

Your bunny should meet my kitty. My cat's name is Clementine and she is helping me through this alot believe it or not. I just love being with her. She sits by me more when I don't reak of beer and cigs. (Well, I still reak of cigs. I can't quit both at the same time. I'll go nutso)

Justme57

Hi there Space

Yes , I had DREADFUL nightmares at first , very similar to you , and they were very lucid, and I seemed to remember them for ages. I also had "drinking dreams" especially in the first 6 months . The good news is , they do go after a while .

Hang in there

HUGX
Lee

Anna

I had a dream last night, after 5 yrs sober, that I was drinking at home, by myself and my husband caught me. That was always my game when I was drinking - to be able to do it without getting caught. Hmmm, I don't know what brought that on, but the 'sick' feelings of disgust and despair were very vivid. Oh well, I guess it helps to keep me on my toes!

CarolD

Oh yes...I was crawling on a battlefield filled with parts of bodies and pools of warm blood.
I had to get to the other side or I would die.

It was on night 2.

Hugs....

LeighC

Today is day 16 and when I'm lucky enough to sleep I also have nightmares. They really scare me and then I definitely can't go back to sleep. I've been told that it's very normal when detoxing. They may last for a while but they will get better. Congratulations on day 2, you should be very proud of yourself.
Leigh

spacegirl

Thanks for the Good Wishes, I’m still hanging in here. I kind of expected it a bit as I read about them on another thread but I’m not looking forward to going to bed tonight. It’s 2.27 in the morning as I write this.

I can so relate to what you’re all saying. Lucid nightmares, sleeplessness, guilt when caught drinking by partner. I’m trying to focus on all the bad things that have ever happened to me because of drinking and I’m remembering new ones daily. I’m trying to think about all the bad things that it caused and taking lots of forum advice. Trying to picture my life as a non-drinker, stuff like that. Looking forward to the day when I’ll have been sober for a long time and I can start trying to help other people, but I guess I’d better learn to walk before I start running around too much! I’ve been chain-smoking too OnceNice! I’ll deal with that in a few months time though. As you say, one thing at a time.

I think if I drink one more glass of fruit-juice I will burst! I’ve had a litre of cranberry, a litre of apple and a carton of tomato juice today!

Thanks again as always for all the help
Molly
xxx.

Beachbabe

I've been clean of hydro since 1.17.06 and I am still plaqued by horrid dreams. It didnt happen last night though AND no night sweets.

It may happen tonight, it may not. But, my point is, this is common and it is awful.

I saw all of my children lined up in caskets. I can even remember what the door knob to the funeral home looked like when we got to the door.

We had all four of our boys lined up from oldest to youngest, alternating every other boy between a black and white casket. We have four so the Baby had to be in a white one and it went white/black/white/black. The trippy thing is, the event had more of a 'wedding' feeling at first, then turned morbid once I sat.

Just keep telling yourself its all in your head. After having that particular dream, I didnt worry about it anymore. I knew I couldnt have a worse one, at that point.

Sweat all you can, gets the toxins out. I would lay under tons of fleece and sheets and sweat like a pig, all the while freezing. But, it detoxes you faster.

Good luck hun. Only in the past few days have I began to see the benefit to a life with pain, minus narcotics. I didnt see it for so long because I was so sick. I felt as if I was being made to pay.

Many days I knew I would NEVER feel like myself again but thats not true. Once the withdrawals are over and we get a little healthier, we wake up one day and we are happy. I swear. I know you dont see it, noway anyone can.

I never tried to get off my meds but when I did, I dropped them literally like a bad habit. I was physically addicted so my journey isnt as hard as somes. The battle to get your body mind and soul back, however, is no different.

You sound exactly like me. I was crying and told my husband that image of my sons lines up in a coffin would haunt me for the rest of my life. And for a few days, it consumed alot of my thoughts and cried about it alot. But, that was about a week ago and I am physically stronger now. I dont get that spooked/morbid feeling when I think of the dream now. I just thing of how awfully sick I was.

PLEASE check yourself for fever at night during sweats. Mine reached 104 (oddly enough my baby told his daddy 'momma feels hot') and he went back there and felt me. I was/am having alot of trouble sleeping so when he couldnt wake me, of course I ended up in the hospital.

That was day before yesterday. As my luck would have it, I caught the actual flu while in early withdrawal so I assumed it was just taking me longer because Im not so big. No, I am ate up with infection from head to toe (which makes you feel really bad and run a constant fever.)

If fever lasts more than a week, go to your Dr. Had that not happened to me, I would still be here in a awful state wondering why I wasnt detoxing, when in fact, I am ate up with infection and fever.

I am on some very strong antibiotics for two weeks. Its called Bactrim and I have to take 600 (3 advil) every 6 hours. I have only been on them today makes three and Im feeling ALOT less fever.

Hope my experience helped in some way. Fevers are whats giving you bad dreams. Make sure you take something for fever tonight, then see if the night sweats and dreams are less if not nonexistant.

I lived through what you discribed for WEEKS thinking it was withdrawal. It was infection and fever. I sooo dont want anyone to live through this if they dont have too.

Fever = infection if it doesnt get better soon. Recovery addicts are already all beat up inside so we dont fight infections as we should be able to.

Fevers are serious. One put me into a coma-like state. Had my baby not pointed it out to his Daddy, I may have laid there and fried my brain.
Godspeed on your recovery.

spacegirl

Thanks babe for the advice, but although I'm reading it and paying attention I don't think I'll mention it at the moment because if you've been in hospital the other day, you're taking antibiotics, you're weight is low and you have flu I think in all honesty I'd rather ask about you at the moment. I'm not being 'nice' it's just logical isn't it?

When I need it I'll talk about myself constantly but when you need it let's talk about you instead? I'm honestly not that bad at the moment. Just the nightmares, the fevers and the sweating and I feel like I can cope with this right now.

You mention that you've lost a lot of weight, I wondered what you are doing to try to build your weight up? I guess you might be trying lots of malted, milky drinks and maybe some protein shakes? I know garlic is an excellent antibacterial, you probably know that you can get it in pills if you don't like the taste. Obviously it won't help with the flu, but it will help prevent any secondary bacterial infection, which obviously while your immune system is low it's especially important that you try to avoid them.

I'm so stupid but I have no idea what 'hydro' is and in my ignorance I used to think that it might be a good thing if a recovering addict caught the flu! I'm embarassed now at that. I only thought it because I had bad flu once and I didn't smoke cigarettes for months afterwards because I was too sick to smoke while I had the flu (I didn't even know my own name let alone that I was a smoker) and the flu-symptoms masked any withdrawl cravings while I was actually sick. I can think of better ways to give up cigarettes tho!

But the way you put it makes me realise that flu is bad for your weakened state. You seem like a strong person though and I can see you're determined. Dr.Molly recommends lots of dairy products, pizza and protein shakes! Your nightmare about the boys sounds scarily like mine about my bunny. I don't mean to trivialise it but I love her like a child. At least we aren't alone. When I need help I come here, when I feel strong enough to offer help I come here. It's great to have each other for support.

Please let us know how you are getting on and if you want to pm anytime please do.
Good luck to you and to everyone here and well done all of us on our continued determination and strength to keep picking ourselves back up and moving foward.

thank you

God Bless
Molly
xxx