ibfree

Wow - I am amazed at some of the insight found on these pages! Its my first time here and I've been read that I need to introduce myself. I'm almost 5 years C&S married to an active alcoholic. My recovery is secure thanks to steps 10, 11 & 12 but my walk as a Christian has been knocked back to a crawl by the heartbreak of my drunken husband. Thankfully, God has provided a safe haven but I battle with the enabling, provoking, CoDA?. I think my boundaries are being built up, but with the smallest steps forward on my husband's part, I'm ready to run home again and what - do it all over again next month? Its been two and a half years of this with maybe a year sober through it all and I'm ready to run. I'm blessed to have wandered onto this site. Where does the line between loving and enabling get so blurry. I'm in a small town and I haven't even been able to find a support group so I guess you all are it! Thanks

cwohio

welcome ibfree - see you figured out how to post! this site has a wealth of information and wonderful folks. welcome to our family. read the stickys. there'll be more folks replying to your post i'm sure. i was married to my alcoholic husband for almost 15 years and being led to this site by God, I believe, has helped me tremendously. You might want to read/post in the Christians in Recovery section also.

bikewench

Hey there...

A warm welcome to SR...
Support.. 24/7.. from all corners of the world..
it don't get much better than that.. ;o)


So sorry to hear about your trials with your hubby....
I had learned some detachment around my drinking father... and that felt really good....

But.. I couldn't get my head around detaching in a relationship.
I figured... "if your not going to care.. then why be in a relationship."

But.. it's not about not caring.
Rather.. it's about caring too much and about the wrong things that eventually suck that person dry and the addict goes on to make someone else nuts.. ;o)

I realize now that it's not that I can't love em...
It's just that I gotta keep my hands off the stuff they should be doing themselves... and I must keep my focus on my behavior, thoughts, outcomes... and let the other person take responsibility for their own life...

and if they don't..

.. it's not my job or my responsibility to save them from their uncaring selves.


.. but that don't mean I can't love them anyway.


It's a compartmentalized concept...lol

But.. that's what I had to do.

ibfree

hey, finally found my way back here. techno challenged as well...
thanks for the info on detaching and the warm welcome.

Seeking Wisdom

Welcome to SR. You are so right ... there is so much insight here. This forum has helped me significantly to understand the unique behaviors of alcoholics ... and how it impacts those around them. It is so common to be hurt, confused, and angry at the bizarre behavior coming from someone we thought we knew so well ... and can't figure out why they seem to blame us for everything going wrong in their lives. Coming here answered many of those questions for me and validated my feelings .... and gave me a sense of serenity and focus.

Keep coming back.

princess9282001

Welcome ibefree!

I hope you will feel free here. Free to ask for advice and offer it as well. Heck were like one big movie all rolled into one. Some of us make you laugh, make you smile, make you cry and theres more drama then you can imagine. Hope you will hang around for a while. Enjoy and keep posting.