PaperDolls

I'm thinking of going to an AA meeting tonight. My palms are sweating and my stomach is in knots just thinking about it. I'm nervous to tell my gf that I might go....not sure why, she would probably be happy.

If I'm looking at the schedule right It's a beginners meeting. I don't want to talk, just listen. Is that possible?
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Justme57

Hi there Paper , what a great idea!

Of course you can just listen. Tell the first person who smiles at you that you are at your first meeting, and you will be welcomed with open arms ! The " newcomer" is the MOST important person at any AA meeting. Just park yourself and listen up!

Winelover, and Sugasnaps have written some excellent posts about their first AA meetings , you might like to have a read before you go

Hope you enjoy it ! Let us know how it goes !

HUGX
Lee

PaperDolls

Thanks.

I think I mostly nervous about telling my gf. What will she say? What will I say?

I don't know why it makes me nervous.

Kellye C

What will you say? Maybe something like: honey, I am going to an AA meeting tonight because I think I have a problem with alcohol. Would you like to join me?

What will she say? Who knows? If she is around you much at all she probably knows you have a problem and will probably be relieved that you want to help yourself. There is no shame in reaching out for help. It is a HUGE step and one that you should be proud of.

Newcomers meetings are great. You do not have to share. You never have to do anything you don't want to do. Definitely introduce yourself, tell them it is your first meeting and you'd just like to listen. That simple!

Let us know how it goes!

Hugs,
Kellye

PaperDolls

Well, I just called her and told her. She said "Oh, ok." She said she was surprised by it. Asked if I was having issues with staying sober. I said no. Was that a lie......I don't know.

I think she acted a little goofey about it. May be it's just me. She wanted to know how long it would take. I told her I didn't know. An hour may be. Why does it matter? She wants to know what I want to do for dinner then? She irritated that I won't be home. She knows I have a problem. She gave me an altimatum (sp?). Now why is she acting like this?

Grrrrr!

Sugasnaps

PaperDolls

I dunno why it is making her uncomfortable... maybe she just feels insecure about herself and in how to help you. We all have our own ways of dealing with situations and sometimes it seems odd to others. Don't let it stop you from going to the meeting. My first meeting I was scared too. It ended up being the most wonderful experience and they do let you just listen. If by chance someone does ask you to say something just tell them you would prefer to just listen - it's perfectly okay and quite a normal thing to say and hear at a meeting. I know some 25 year veterans who sometimes don't feel like sharing anything. You are going to do great and it really will open your eyes to just how not-alone you are in your quest for a sober life... and how not-alone you are in your addiction.

Hang in there and give it time.

Suga

Kellye C

Sometimes our mates feel threatened when we look to outside sources for help. Sometimes they just don't know what to say or do. Do this for you. Invite her to join you from time to time and let her know that there is Al-Anon if she needs some support or guidance on how to deal with you. You are going to change if you work this program and change can be scary for anyone. Try to be patient and understanding but make sobriety your top priority. Hopefully once the strangeness wears off it will cease to be a big deal or maybe she'll join you for a meeting and get to know the people you will be spending time with.

I hope you enjoyed your meeting!
Kellye

PaperDolls

Sugasnaps, Kellye D and Justme57:

Thank you for your replies. I went to a meeting last night. It went ok. Everyone was very nice and it was nice to hear other people going through the same thing as me. The HP talk is so over my head. I don't have that and I never have. I need to learn more about that.

When I got home my gf was acting very distant. I finally asked her if she wanted to talk. So..we had a good talk. At first she told me I was being selfish, which really sort of pissed me off. She said we haven't been spending enough time together, which is true. I've been trying to work out every night after work at 630. So, she ends up at home by herself cooking dinner and taking care of the house. She used to get on me about getting motivated to workout, then I find something I like and she says I'm gone too much. I told her, may be I am being selfish but you should support me. I'm trying to get better. Not dealing with just my addiction but depression. I told her I just don't know how to fix things. This depression has really got a hold on me right now. I'm trying to learn how to shake it. I have a lot to learn.

I told her I feel very overwhelmed with everything. I almost feel like I can either take care of me or take care of us. I just don't know what to do.

I think she has a much better understanding of how I feel . And actually, so do I. If we continue to have conversations like this it really will help. With that said, I do tend to keep things to myself. I don't like to feel vulnerable. I try to be better at it, but it's hard.

It's just going to take some hard work to keep it all together.

Thanks again
~doll

Sugasnaps

Hey Doll,

I'm really glad you guys talked about it... you're right though if you do keep things to yourself then it's hard for your girl to even have a little chance of giving you some understanding. Like guys aren't... girls aren't mind readers either. I'm really glad you guys had a talk and I hope she's more understanding in the future. I'm really glad to hear that you are focusing on your sobriety. The workouts are a really really good thing - maybe you can include her into those if she's into it.

Either way, you really do need to take care of you first and foremost. So hang in there, Doll.

Suga

Luckyv2

Yep you don't have to talk at all if you don't want to. That is a good step in the right direction. Trust me you will feel like you have found your home..Unless your head is like mine sometimes

Love Vic

Luckyv2

I didn't notice that you already went I should learn to read the whole post LOL...Anyway you know before I could put my sobriety before anything in my life I could not keep my sobriety nor could I have anything in my life. Sobriety has to come before anything or we will in fact loose everything.

Love Vic

Max Oblivia

Hey Doll, Those who know me know I have an opinion on almost everything. It used to be black or white but now I see alot of grey, and that is good.
Here's my opinion and first of all wow! What a first step and what courage to take it.
You thought it would be smooth sailing right? Oh no if there is a higher power (I believe there is) but if there is a higher force there is and equally lower force. Thats what your fighting, change is hard for everyone because we get in our comfort spots and thats where your girlfriend is. Give her time she will love the new you even more.
But heres the kicker. Protecting your sobriety makes you healthy. Protect it guard it above everything. Inside outside worldly nonworldly forces will try to steal it. Dont let them. "Protect your sobriety above all and all that will follow will be better".
Maxus the sober one the formerly Max Oblivious

c'est la vie

Wow, doll, I'm not sure I have any words of wisdom better than you've already heard. That's some really great advice. Be sure to heed it. Definitely the part about putting your health first and letting your gf catch up at her own pace. You will suffer if you wait for her to come around before you do what you need to do.

It's terrific to hear that you got the courage to go to your meeting. How did it go? How did you feel afterwards? How do you feel now? Keep posting.

PaperDolls

winelover, the meeting went fine. I was nervous the entire time. I'm horrible at speaking in front of people, about anything.

I have been to meetings before. This is one of the few times I went sober. I think I've known since I was 16 that I have a problem with alcohol. This is the first time I've stayed sober and actually wanted to. I'm still not sure about the meetings. I feel like my main problem right now is my depression. I'm going to find a new therapist and work on that.

I know I have to put my health first but it's hard. I don't want to loose my relationship. She is scared of me changing, I know that. She's not convinced that my problems are caused by her. I've tried reassureing her that thay aren't. She is the only thing in my life right now that makes me happy. I just need her to be there for me and support me. I hate asking for some much from her but I'd do it for her.

I feel like I have to make sure I'm ok and also make sure she's ok. If I don't, I might loose her. I wouldn't be able to handle that.

Thanks for the messages of encouragment everyone.

~doll

Max Oblivia

Doll, I hope you are with her forever wouldnt that be great! I do know that you will be with you forever. You have already taken some major steps to face your fears. Your fear about losing her will go away keep loving her, she will come around.
Max

PaperDolls

Wow. I just went back and read this post today. Eye-Opener for reals.

After reading it I know that I don't go to meetings because I don't want to havce to talk about it with my gf. I don't want her to think I'm having a hard time staying sober. It's just nice to talk or in my case listen, to people that know how I'm feeling. I don't want to have to say that to her. What's my problem? Earlier today I thought about quitting therapy. I better re-think that.

Justme57

Please PD do re think the therapy thingy !

it would be cool to go to meetings too, cant you just tell ya g/f that it is a private thing? or that it is anonymous?

It is not shameful to find recovery hard, it IS hard , and you are doing soooo well, you could say that you NEED to go to regular meetings for YOU, so it doesn't become harder than it is

In my thoughts PD

Take care

HUGX
Lee

PaperDolls

Thanks Lee!

No, If I told her it was private she'd freak out.....I'm not ashamed at all. I just know that if I bring it up to her she'll ask lots of questions. I just don't want to have the conversation. I just don't. She does not know about SR and I know she wouldn't like it. She's not comfortable with talking to people on the internet. She thinks it's creepy and weird. But I know that SR has saved me. SR is my meeting. Everyday.

Done_With_It

Hey sweetie! I'm so proud of you for going.

Recovery is hard! It is kind of a selfish thing too.
I'm having a hard time trying to readjust my time
and my schedule also. That's great that you could
talk to her.

Keep going to the meetings, they will give you strength!

You ARE doing great!!!!!!!

PaperDolls

DWI, thanks for the response but I think you misunderstood. I don't go to meetings. And I don't talk to her about it.

I have a really hard time being selfish. I don't know how to do it.