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Introducing Zilla

Old 01-29-2006, 12:21 PM
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Introducing Zilla

Hello!

Well I don't know where to start...just typing this is making me nervous! I think this post is going to be all over the place.

I have a problem with alcohol.

There I said it!

I can't believe how scary it is just to type that, even though this is anonymous. I guess I have just been in denial for a long time.

I am 27 years old, married, I have a young son (4).

I drink too much, and too often. I feel a lot of shame after drinking. I am afraid that I will become an alcoholic if I don't stop. I have tried to just "cut back" but that rarely works. I have a lot of trouble just having a drink. Once I have the first drink I don't stop drinking until I am drunk. I am starting to black out. I am really starting to scare myself. I hide the amount that I am really drinking from my husband, but I have a feeling he knows.I don't want to be an alcoholic. I want to be a good wife and mother. I mainly just wish I could drink without going overboard every time. But that is probably silly. I think I have to stop drinking altogether, and that is a scary thought. I want to stop, but I am afraid I won't. I am feeling really confused right now.

Thanks for having a place like this. I look forward to getting to know the other members here.
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Old 01-29-2006, 12:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Zilla

I drink too much, and too often. I feel a lot of shame after drinking. I am afraid that I will become an alcoholic if I don't stop. .
Hi and welcome to SR glad that you are here. I didn't have a problem with drinking or using too much, I could in fact never get enough. I am an alke/addict and my name is Vic.

It talks in the AA Big Book, chapter 4 first paragraph. Page 44 3rd edition

"If, when you honestly want to , you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking , you have little control over the amount that you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer."
Glad that your here.

Love Vic
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Old 01-29-2006, 12:48 PM
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Glad you made it to the site Zilla. Even if you don't beleive that you are alcoholic yet blackouts are a problem social drinkers don't have. The best part of the 12 step program is that you only have to quit for today, thats what they mean when they say one day at a time. The key to having the spiritual experience is, to the best of your ability, work the steps and live by the morals of the program. It seems like a lot at first but just keep it as simple as you can and don't drink for today. I look forward to seeing your posts here. God Bless, Neil.
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Old 01-29-2006, 12:50 PM
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Hi Zilla, I'm J.h
Have You Been To A A-a Meeting? Do You Have A "big Book" ? A Meeting Is Where You Go To Intrduce Yourself As A Alcoholic, From What You Posted I Would Heve To Classify You As One And If "you" Don't Think You Are Just Try Some Controlled Drinking, The First 164 Pages Of The Big Book Are The Meat And Potatoes, In "the Doctors Opinion" It Define's The Obsession Of The Mind And The Allergy Of The Body, Simply Meaning You Think Of Having A Drink, You "will" Get One! And Once You Have That First Drink You Can't Stop.
Remember The "only" Shame! Is "not" Becomming A Member Of A-a If You Are A Alcoholc, And Only You Know If You Are. Do You "want" To Stop Drinking?? Then Read The First 3 Words On Page 112 J.h
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Old 01-29-2006, 12:59 PM
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Hi Zilla,

Welcome and I'm glad you found us. The first step is always so hard!

If you are drinking to the point of blacking out you probably are an alcoholic, but that's a decision you have to make for yourself. It isn't normal to not be able to stop drinking until drunk or to blackout. The good news is that you've found a place where you can get lots of support and encouragment to stop drinking. It's hard to do, but so worthwhile!
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Old 01-29-2006, 01:06 PM
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Welcome...

Congratulations for seeking answers to your drinking.

Alcoholism is a disease.

I suggest you get more factual info

My favorite 'handbook' on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"

Both can be ordered from Amazon...

Glad to see a new member...we do understand and you are not alone.
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Old 01-29-2006, 01:20 PM
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Hi,

Thanks for the messages.

I do want to stop drinking. I can control my drinking, it's just not very easy for me. I mean, if I am in a social situation where I shouldn't drink very much typically I don't. I think that is mostly out of embarrasment. And if I am at a dinner or something where other people are not drinking, I certainly won't drink either. I don't want to risk drinking too much and becoming drunk in front of other people, especially my family, because I would be ashamed of what they think of me. It has happened a few times, and every time it embarrased me so deeply that now I will only have 1 or 2 drinks maximum if I am around other people.

I don't want anyone to know how much I drink because I am ashamed of it. I don't go to bars or drink in public often. I am a painter, so what I do is lock myself up in my studio at night and drink a bottle of wine or sometimes more. I never used to be able to get through a bottle of wine to open the next bottle until fairly recently. And I rarely get hangovers anymore. And occaisionally I black out (have spotchy memories of what I was doing right before I finally went to bed, I think this is blacking out right?). So this is obvious that my drinking is progressing and is on a rapid track to becoming out of control. I have never become drunk to the point where I passed out, or did strange things in public and other people told me about it the next day, but I feel that will definitely also happen if I contunue to drink! I am ashamed and embarrased that this is happening. I don't want to tell anyone in my family or my friends that I do this, secret drinking. I am so ashamed. I want to stop this secret drinking before everything begins spiraling out of my contol to the point where I am physically addicted to alcohol, and drinking in the middle of the day, or in front of other people. That frightens me that the drink may start controlling me and I might start doing things in public that shame me. I think if I continue to drink in secret like I do, it won't be able to be a secret forever!

Plus, I don't like the way alcohol makes me feel anymore. I have noticed I don't enjoy a pleasant "buzz" like I used to. I am just suddenly drunk, I can't achieve that happy medium that I used to have. I don't like that I feel yucky in the morning. I don't like that it takes away my motivation to paint and to exercise. I don't like that I have gained some weight due to drinking in the evenings instead of exercising like I always used to.

I don't have access to AA right now, because of where I live, but I would like to read the "big book". I would also like to read these books you suggested, Carol, I will look on Amazon for them.

I am also a little frightened that we will have to move back to europe because my husband's work visa has expired and he is having trouble finding a new job, someone who is willing to be patient while we reapply for a visa adjustment. I think if that happened I would become really depressed and that would make me want to drink so much I couldn't resist.

Thanks for all your words and advice.
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Old 01-29-2006, 01:56 PM
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HI Zilla and welcome I can tell you one thing you have already stated you have a problem you have realized you drink to much and cant stop. Also I have been to almost every state and alot of countries and AA is everywhere i have been to AA meetings where there where more people at the meeting than lived in the town so you need to see where a meeting is if your serious there is one there I promise you. usually you can find imformation in the newspaper, if that doesnt work the police dept or sherriffs office usually can tell you.(I'd suggest if you stop by these you do it sober)lol well good luck and i will add you to my prayer list. Aaron
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Old 01-29-2006, 02:01 PM
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Hi there Zilla, so glad to see you. my name is Lee and I am an alcoholic !

You will find lots of support and info here at SR, read the "sticky posts" in the AA and Alcoholism forums, there is some great stuff there

Post away and ask any questions yyou would like , there is usually someone online to chat .

Keep posting

HUGX
Lee
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Old 01-29-2006, 02:03 PM
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You are amongst like minds. Who else would chime in???? You'll hear two voices all the time... (1: just cut back and you'll be fine...2:you have to simply stop) The battle is within...not from the outside. I've come to realize the battle is with ourselves no one else. No matter what our past is, we are in the ring with ourselves. Sounds crazy??? But it's real. Just decide to take the gloves off and lay the sword down. It's funny the advice you give...is the one you should take. Welcome...and thanks for posting!!!!
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Old 01-29-2006, 02:04 PM
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Hi!

Well I suppose it isn't totally true that I don't have access, it is just that access is difficult. We are in a remote location in the mountains and the nearest AA meetings would require a 2 hour drive down the mountian. I don't really have the time or money to drive that much. Also, i don't know what I would tell my husband, where I was going and why I was using so much time and money for traveling suddenly. As you know, I am very ashamed that I have this problem, I don't want him to know about it. I would be so mortified.

I am not sure what to do...
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Old 01-29-2006, 02:09 PM
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"If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer."

What a load of ********.
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Old 01-29-2006, 02:12 PM
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Hi again Zilla

You just described me to a T I used to go out socially and drink 1 glass of wine, but vouldnt wait to get home to get plastered. I never drank in public either, because I could not trust my behaviour. This is the nature of the disease.

Also, I drank alone at home , and it stopped working for me too. I drank to blackout many times. It is a progressive disease, and it WILL get worse.
For me , I found the answer in AA . it helped me STOP, and KEEPS me stopped, and teaches me to live a HAPPY sober life. There are some great posts here by fairly new people who have overcome their fear and attended meetings , with very positive results. Hope you get to read them

Once again, welcome , and keep posting

HUGX
Lee
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Old 01-29-2006, 02:17 PM
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RovingStar, since you think that is BS would you like to share how you've gotten free from addiction?
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Old 01-29-2006, 02:22 PM
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Kell,

With medical help, and then choice. Not any "God" or "HP". Stop directing these folks to the cult of AA. It is possible to get sober without "divine intervention". And for the record, most do.
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Old 01-29-2006, 02:22 PM
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Here you go.... Look at these

http://www.e-aa.org/html/help.html


http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

You can do this....
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Old 01-29-2006, 02:23 PM
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BTW Kell,

Your sobiety date is by your own actions, and not by gods grace.
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Old 01-29-2006, 02:26 PM
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I'm not sure why you refer to AA as a "cult". You are entitled to you opinion of course but I don't look at it as a "cult". I do credit it with saving my life. I was totally incapable of making a choice to stop drinking. I believe that I have lost that power of choice when it comes to alcohol. For me to drink is to die so since I choose to live, there is no "real" choice.

Thanks for answering my question. I know that we all get here by different methods so I will not cast opinions on your method. If it's working for you, then more power to you. For me it took AA. More power to me!

Kellye
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Old 01-29-2006, 02:28 PM
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Sorry, I have to disagree. Had it not been for God's grace and the people of AA I wouldn't have a sobriety date. By now, at the rate I was going, I would have a date of death carved on a tombstone.

Kellye
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Old 01-29-2006, 02:37 PM
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Please no hijacking a newcomers thread...

Start your own for a debate.

Be kind and respect others
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