Hoping4Hope

First of all, thank you to ALL who responded to my post about the lady at Alanon. I actually called up a family member who attends Alanon later that night, and she also confirmed that it was completely inappropriate. The lady had stated that she hadn't been to Alanon in a month, and felt herself slipping....so all in all, she actually did me a favor in showing me that when you don't work the program, you fall back. I can't say I'm not still upset, but hopefully in due time I can brush it off and move on.

That being said, I just wanted to vent about my day. I slipped, and started getting cranky with my husband for small things, but things that bother me nonetheless. Let's just say that I tried to conquer a mountain of issues all in one morning. But again, it's confirmed that he has a problem(not denying that I do as well). He said some really mean, hurtful things, and even insulted me when I voiced my pain in dealing with these issues. He ridiculed me attending these "ridiculous Alanon meetings", and that I should really be getting some serious help because I'm the one with problems. While I don't buy his critism and picking me apart statements anymore, it still hurts. He STILL knows exactly what to say to get under my skin and break my heart. I just don't understand why someone would say such mean, irreparable things to someone they love. I understand to a point, but still...it really, really hurts! And the more I think about it, the more angry I get, and just want to give up on him! It seems that he will NEVER let go of the bitterness, anger, resentment and just flat out MEAN ways and really be my husband again, the one I knew and loved. I am fed up, and want to see change! But it appears he wants none of it. When I let him know in a kind way that there IS a better way to live, I'm attempting to find it for myself and that he can find it and just FEEL so much better, he states that I "don't know how he feels, how would you know?" While that might be true, and I might not know what he is THINKING, I know what he is showing on the outside, and it's appears FAR from happy. I know it takes longer than just a few weeks, but I just don't know how long I'm willing to give this!
I was doing so well this week....I feel like I've taken one step forward, but two steps back. I REALLY need to suck it up for a day though, tomorrow is my little boy's 2nd birthday party and I can't let my feelings and hurt ruin the day.
How rough this all is =(

mallowcup

the better your perception will be inhandling hurtful comments. Coming here is also exremely helpful as you can vent to people just like you. I'd be prepared for growth. You are reawakened and the alcoholics in your life are about to be disarmed. They won't like it. So far their drinking has been intimdating , painful and almost bullish. Their drinking has dictated your life. No more.

cwohio

i had to repeat over and over AND over that it was the disease talking to me, not the person until it REALLY sunk in. detachment from the disease is a tough concept to grasp and actually practice. the longer you stay in the program, the easier it will be to call someone on the call list and vent instead of "reacting" to the "stuff". ((hugs)) to you!