Question for the board
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Lake Havasu, Arizona
Posts: 8
Question for the board
When your situation is with an abusing boyfriend or husband, why do you stay in the relationship?
I have spent the last 3 & 1/2 years living with an alcoholic, with more breakups than I can count due to binge drinking, and am now moving on with my life. The relationship has cost me a great deal of money and has taxed me emotionally beyond description.
I went to Al-Anon meetings and learned why I've reacted at times like I did, and that it's normal, but what I didn't care to learn from Al-Anon was 'how to live with it'. I don't want to live with it, I believe that is a choice we make. After giving my alcoholic a few dozen 'one more chances' than I should have, I'm done with the whole ordeal. And now of course I'm being told how he's changing, everything will be different, he's started going to AA (again), his head is clear now..... until I let him back in and he gets comfortable and falls right back into the old routine again.
So after reading a lot of the posts here, why is it so many choose to live with it? If alcoholism is a disease, that's treatable, and the alcoholic is not getting treatment or won't stay in treatment, or doesn't put any real effort into treatment, aren't you fighting a losing battle and ruining your life and your possibilities of being happy by staying in such a destructive, disruptive relationship?
I come here to read the posts to remind myself of what I don't want to live through any longer, to keep myself strong in my decision, to make sure there are no more 'one more chances'.
T
I have spent the last 3 & 1/2 years living with an alcoholic, with more breakups than I can count due to binge drinking, and am now moving on with my life. The relationship has cost me a great deal of money and has taxed me emotionally beyond description.
I went to Al-Anon meetings and learned why I've reacted at times like I did, and that it's normal, but what I didn't care to learn from Al-Anon was 'how to live with it'. I don't want to live with it, I believe that is a choice we make. After giving my alcoholic a few dozen 'one more chances' than I should have, I'm done with the whole ordeal. And now of course I'm being told how he's changing, everything will be different, he's started going to AA (again), his head is clear now..... until I let him back in and he gets comfortable and falls right back into the old routine again.
So after reading a lot of the posts here, why is it so many choose to live with it? If alcoholism is a disease, that's treatable, and the alcoholic is not getting treatment or won't stay in treatment, or doesn't put any real effort into treatment, aren't you fighting a losing battle and ruining your life and your possibilities of being happy by staying in such a destructive, disruptive relationship?
I come here to read the posts to remind myself of what I don't want to live through any longer, to keep myself strong in my decision, to make sure there are no more 'one more chances'.
T
Banned User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: reno nevada
Posts: 34
qustion for the board
I agree with you. One of the alcoholics favorite games is to promise to get help, go to a couple of meetings, just to keep their wife hooked so they can keep on abusing them. The partner stays in the destructive relationship because the are addicted to the wild mood swings of the alcoholic. It sounds crazy and sick and thats exactly what it is. A family disease where everyone in the family is crazy and sick.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi T!
I think it's a question of balance. If someone is getting good things out of the relationship that outweigh the difficulties, there's some reason for staying. When the scales tilt in the other direction, it makes sense to call it quits. Alcoholics and addicts are individuals. Their conditions vary in extremity and behavior. My Dad, for example, was an alcoholic. He had his difficult moments, but mostly was the jolliest drunk you ever saw. He also was a generous and loving Dad and a good provider. The tragedy of his alcoholism was the way he ruined his health. There was never a single moment that I wanted him out of my life. Dino, on the other hand, turned from one of the most honorable and admirable people I've ever known to someone I wanted to pound with the 5 city phonebook. I couldn't take it on a day to day basis any more.
Keep posting!
Hugs,
Smoke
I think it's a question of balance. If someone is getting good things out of the relationship that outweigh the difficulties, there's some reason for staying. When the scales tilt in the other direction, it makes sense to call it quits. Alcoholics and addicts are individuals. Their conditions vary in extremity and behavior. My Dad, for example, was an alcoholic. He had his difficult moments, but mostly was the jolliest drunk you ever saw. He also was a generous and loving Dad and a good provider. The tragedy of his alcoholism was the way he ruined his health. There was never a single moment that I wanted him out of my life. Dino, on the other hand, turned from one of the most honorable and admirable people I've ever known to someone I wanted to pound with the 5 city phonebook. I couldn't take it on a day to day basis any more.
Keep posting!
Hugs,
Smoke
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
T,
And openseason, I take offense at being called crazy. I WAS crazy and it is possible to live with an alcoholic and NOT be crazy. I have been around the rooms for a long time and I know many ladies who are very much not crazy and remain in a relationship with an alcoholic.
Many wives are working their program and getting strong intil they are sure they are staying, or leaving for the right reasons.
JT
I doubt if anyone who is married to an A visiting these boards and attending Alanon is looking at forever. They are keeping their minds in today and getting stonger. They will make that decision when and if they become ready. I believe that wives should look at how long they WILL put up with it if nothing ever changes.
Many wives are working their program and getting strong intil they are sure they are staying, or leaving for the right reasons.
JT
Banned User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: reno nevada
Posts: 34
question for the board
So your family is not crazy. We know how addicts behave and to live with them is to live in dysfunction. If you think you did not act or feel out of control, thats fine. But I am sure that a casual observer of an addict based household would describe it as chaos or crazy. I have been there and so has everyone else on this board. An addict household is not normal, by any stretch.
Guest
Posts: n/a
I come here to read the posts to remind myself of what I don't want to live through any longer, to keep myself strong in my decision, to make sure there are no more 'one more chances'
When I come to the boards the first thing I do is look to see if I can offer my experience, strength, and hope to others. When I need a reminder I come to get others experience, strength, and hope.
I really take offense when someone is critical of others here when I care about them so much.
Come to give, come to get, but don't come to be critical of others and use their pain for your own gain.
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Openseason,
I'm wondering if there's anything we can do to get that angry look off your avatar's face.
It's great to learn about addiction and codependency. But at some point we each have to give up dwelling in generalities and look at our own solitary situations. Addicts are not all alike. Codependents are not all alike. Families that include these people function on different levels because of that. My dad was an alcoholic but I'm here to tell you we were the most functional family on our block.
When we share about ourselves on these boards, we find a place to lay down our mental burden. A beautiful thing that also happens is that someone may recognize part of themselves in our situation, and gain some clarity thereby. The people and situations are different, but we can all recognize pain. Sometimes all anybody wants out of a post is a good "there there", or an ear from others who won't judge them. T's post is a great example. She doesn't need us to tell her what to do. She's made a tough decision and is comfortable with it logically. But it still smarts, and when it smarts it's nice to be heard, nice to be comforted and nice to be assured that your reasoning is sound. (T- sorry hope you don't mind the spotlight!) We as individuals are the only ones who know what compromises we are willing to make. My mother was not crazy for loving and staying with a man who drank to ward off night terrors that stemmed from his time as a P.O.W. He was good in almost every other way. As a family we functioned better than most. T can't base her actions on what my mom did. Her husband is not like my Dad. Similarly it would ridiculous for JT to throw Ward out because Dino pawned my stuff.
So let's be careful of making blanket statements about groups of people who have one common characteristic. But let's also be ready to share our own experience, strength and hope when another is struggling, confused, sad or angry.
Hugs,
Smoke
I'm wondering if there's anything we can do to get that angry look off your avatar's face.
It's great to learn about addiction and codependency. But at some point we each have to give up dwelling in generalities and look at our own solitary situations. Addicts are not all alike. Codependents are not all alike. Families that include these people function on different levels because of that. My dad was an alcoholic but I'm here to tell you we were the most functional family on our block. When we share about ourselves on these boards, we find a place to lay down our mental burden. A beautiful thing that also happens is that someone may recognize part of themselves in our situation, and gain some clarity thereby. The people and situations are different, but we can all recognize pain. Sometimes all anybody wants out of a post is a good "there there", or an ear from others who won't judge them. T's post is a great example. She doesn't need us to tell her what to do. She's made a tough decision and is comfortable with it logically. But it still smarts, and when it smarts it's nice to be heard, nice to be comforted and nice to be assured that your reasoning is sound. (T- sorry hope you don't mind the spotlight!) We as individuals are the only ones who know what compromises we are willing to make. My mother was not crazy for loving and staying with a man who drank to ward off night terrors that stemmed from his time as a P.O.W. He was good in almost every other way. As a family we functioned better than most. T can't base her actions on what my mom did. Her husband is not like my Dad. Similarly it would ridiculous for JT to throw Ward out because Dino pawned my stuff.
So let's be careful of making blanket statements about groups of people who have one common characteristic. But let's also be ready to share our own experience, strength and hope when another is struggling, confused, sad or angry.
Hugs,
Smoke
Banned User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: reno nevada
Posts: 34
one more chance
I have been asked to leave every alcohol board I have posted on. I know a lot about alcoholism and people conclude I am negative. I dont find anything positive in alcoholism. So I wont post anymore. I would advise anyone dont waste your life as a co dependant to an addict, because in the end the addict only cares about one thing, where and when is his next fix.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Whoooaaa...
No one asked anyone to leave.
I for one am here to tell people as well not to waste your life as a codependent. There are alternatives. One is recovery. But once a codependent aways a codependent and simply leaving an addict does not make you healthy.
There are other angry people here, we are all angry at some level, but living your life being angry at an addict is also a waste. Just a small part of the whole codependent make up. In other word's your own codependence is showing.
One more thing, there are some friends of mine around here who are addicts and where their next fix is coming from is not the only thing on their minds. You see they are recovering and living lives that they and their families are proud of.
That is why many of us stay. There IS hope for an end to the dysfuntion and what is on the other side is beautiful.
Hugs,
JT
No one asked anyone to leave.
I for one am here to tell people as well not to waste your life as a codependent. There are alternatives. One is recovery. But once a codependent aways a codependent and simply leaving an addict does not make you healthy.
There are other angry people here, we are all angry at some level, but living your life being angry at an addict is also a waste. Just a small part of the whole codependent make up. In other word's your own codependence is showing.
One more thing, there are some friends of mine around here who are addicts and where their next fix is coming from is not the only thing on their minds. You see they are recovering and living lives that they and their families are proud of.
That is why many of us stay. There IS hope for an end to the dysfuntion and what is on the other side is beautiful.
Hugs,
JT
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
openseason,
Like JT said, no one said anything about leaving!
It has been my experience that when I'm at my wits end and looking for a supportive ear, harsh truths and blanket statements of the realites of codependent life don't offer much in the way of comfort! Sure, some times we need to offer someone a soft kick in the pants, but again, not every situation is alike. We can only post about our personal situations and things that have or haven't worked for us, so others can draw their own conclusions about decisions they need to make in their own lives. But in the end, since most of us feel so isolated in this reality, it's a comfort and a relief to have a place to go where you're not judged or criticized, but can receive a supportive ear, kind words, and many hugs, things we often sorely miss out on in our daily lives.
By the way, many addicts do find recovery and are no longer concerned about finding their next fix.
Now, to respond to T's original question. I have been with my husband for 4 1/2 years. His addiction started at least 10 years ago, probably longer. In the time we've been together, he used during the first 6 months, was clean for 9 months, relapsed for 8 months, found recovery for 16 months, relapsed for 3 months, back in recovery for 8 months, slipped one time, back in recovery for the past 5 months. I got on this rollercoaster on day one, although I didn't realize it at the time.
Why do I stay? I love my husband and when he's clean, he's the best guy I know. When he was using, he lied, stole, disappeared for days at a time and I was a wreck. But he was never abusive to me and while I heard plenty of quacking, he never denied he had a problem and his recovery attempts have always been sincere. His relapses are shorter and his recovery times are longer, which is very encouraging to me. In the beginning, I stayed b/c it was the codependent thing to do. Now, we're both in recovery and I'm very hopeful for much better years ahead than the ones behind.
Like JT said, no one said anything about leaving!
It has been my experience that when I'm at my wits end and looking for a supportive ear, harsh truths and blanket statements of the realites of codependent life don't offer much in the way of comfort! Sure, some times we need to offer someone a soft kick in the pants, but again, not every situation is alike. We can only post about our personal situations and things that have or haven't worked for us, so others can draw their own conclusions about decisions they need to make in their own lives. But in the end, since most of us feel so isolated in this reality, it's a comfort and a relief to have a place to go where you're not judged or criticized, but can receive a supportive ear, kind words, and many hugs, things we often sorely miss out on in our daily lives.
By the way, many addicts do find recovery and are no longer concerned about finding their next fix.
Now, to respond to T's original question. I have been with my husband for 4 1/2 years. His addiction started at least 10 years ago, probably longer. In the time we've been together, he used during the first 6 months, was clean for 9 months, relapsed for 8 months, found recovery for 16 months, relapsed for 3 months, back in recovery for 8 months, slipped one time, back in recovery for the past 5 months. I got on this rollercoaster on day one, although I didn't realize it at the time.
Why do I stay? I love my husband and when he's clean, he's the best guy I know. When he was using, he lied, stole, disappeared for days at a time and I was a wreck. But he was never abusive to me and while I heard plenty of quacking, he never denied he had a problem and his recovery attempts have always been sincere. His relapses are shorter and his recovery times are longer, which is very encouraging to me. In the beginning, I stayed b/c it was the codependent thing to do. Now, we're both in recovery and I'm very hopeful for much better years ahead than the ones behind.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Some things just defy logic
Why does an addict keep using when they know they have everything to lose? Why does their significant other stay in a relationship with them when they know the relationship is fraught with disappointment and dishonesty? Alcoholism and co-dependency are very difficult to understand from the outside...or from the inside for that matter. I couldn't possibly wonder why someone would stay in a relationship with an addict, because I stayed in mine way too long myself. Denial? Yeah, that was part of it. So were unrealistic expectations for the future. And if you have children together, seperating from them presents other problems. As addicts have to "hit their own bottom", so do those who are in relationships with them. Be they lovers, friends or parents. Here's to everyone finding their way to a happier life, whatever path they choose.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Dreaming Summer
Posts: 821
Originally posted by openseason
I have been asked to leave every alcohol board I have posted on. I know a lot about alcoholism and people conclude I am negative. I dont find anything positive in alcoholism. So I wont post anymore. I would advise anyone dont waste your life as a co dependant to an addict, because in the end the addict only cares about one thing, where and when is his next fix.
I have been asked to leave every alcohol board I have posted on. I know a lot about alcoholism and people conclude I am negative. I dont find anything positive in alcoholism. So I wont post anymore. I would advise anyone dont waste your life as a co dependant to an addict, because in the end the addict only cares about one thing, where and when is his next fix.
I think my life experiences make me a better person and a better employee than I might otherwise have been.My main concern these days is making my little corner of the world a better place by making a difference in people's lives.I offer my experience, strength and hope so that others will know this is NOT a hopeless disease...and also because giving it away is the only way to keep it.Maybe your experience with your relationship was negative,and you were right to get away.That's fine.But it doesn't make you an expert.Many of us DO recover.There is hope.
People make their choices for a lot of reasons.Some are married and still believe that's a lifelong commitment.Some have children and are unwilling to break up the family.Some have financial and security issues.Some have all of that and more.I guess the common bond is hope and a willingness to focus on their own well being.Whatever the reasons,people are entitled to make their own choices.And they should be able to come here and not be put down for it.By all means,stay and share...but I would encourage you not to judge other people who come here for a safe haven.That sort of thing benefits no one.
phoenix
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
defending alanon
Hi T
boy your comments caused some ruffles !
T if there is one thing alanon does not do
its tell anyone what to do, that is for each person
to decide for themselves .Granted as a
new comer it is encouraged to do nothing in a
relationship until we become a little bit stabler in
our thoughts.We come in scared, angry, hurt and
some of us come in pretty crazy,so until we can think
with some rational it makes sence to hold off
on any big moves.
My alcoholics are two of my children so no
options exist there. But if it were my husband
it would be up to me and my higher power
and noone else to make that choice. I do
wish you a good life, with or without your
alcoholic.-and open season please stick around, we don't all
have to agree,anothers thoughts help us to see where we
are, the beauty of the program is in the hope for
today,none of us know tomorrow no matter what the
situation
Hugs
liddy
boy your comments caused some ruffles !
T if there is one thing alanon does not do
its tell anyone what to do, that is for each person
to decide for themselves .Granted as a
new comer it is encouraged to do nothing in a
relationship until we become a little bit stabler in
our thoughts.We come in scared, angry, hurt and
some of us come in pretty crazy,so until we can think
with some rational it makes sence to hold off
on any big moves.
My alcoholics are two of my children so no
options exist there. But if it were my husband
it would be up to me and my higher power
and noone else to make that choice. I do
wish you a good life, with or without your
alcoholic.-and open season please stick around, we don't all
have to agree,anothers thoughts help us to see where we
are, the beauty of the program is in the hope for
today,none of us know tomorrow no matter what the
situation
Hugs
liddy
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 6
I have often wondered why I have remained with this man and all the problems that he has. But the truth is that still love him with all my heart. He is the most loving man on earth when he is sober. When he drinks, well, he is just plain dumb. I know that this is just my first day, and that I came here looking for answers about how to deal with him, but I think the real reason I came here is to find out how to heal me. His problem are not my fault. That is the leason that I learned here today. I may need to relearn that from time to time, but today I know that his problems are not my fault. But your real question was why have I stayed with him for 20 years. Because he did not become an alcoholic over night. We have had a very very good life for most of that 20 years and I am just not going to give up on our life together or him. He is worth it and so am I. When I sent my first post this morning I felt tired, sad, ugly, and depressed. But now I am ready for a good fight. NO not a fight with him but a fight for us. I belive in God, and I do not think he would give me this task in life if God did not believe in me. With the continued help of the people here I will be able to go on. I have already learned so much, but I have a very long way to go.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Peanut,
So glad you have been reading the posts here.
One thing you said bothered me because I heard it from my own daughter. You said your think your marriage is worth fighting for. If that is how you feel, then more power to you. I really mean that. But please know that God DID NOT give you the task of trying to fix your husband. Only your husband can decide if he wants to recover from his alcoholism.
Please don't read this the wrong way for I say all this in love. But I have heard this before..."But what if God WANTS me to stay with him. I'm all he has." That is co-dependent thinking that is unhealthy...in my humble opinion.
Like I said, if you want to fight for your marriage and stick it out because you want to do it for YOU, then I'm with you all the way!
Just don't want you getting caught in the trap of fighting because you have to do it for him.
Like I said...all this said in love. I don't want to see you hurting anymore.
Hugs.
So glad you have been reading the posts here.
One thing you said bothered me because I heard it from my own daughter. You said your think your marriage is worth fighting for. If that is how you feel, then more power to you. I really mean that. But please know that God DID NOT give you the task of trying to fix your husband. Only your husband can decide if he wants to recover from his alcoholism.
Please don't read this the wrong way for I say all this in love. But I have heard this before..."But what if God WANTS me to stay with him. I'm all he has." That is co-dependent thinking that is unhealthy...in my humble opinion.
Like I said, if you want to fight for your marriage and stick it out because you want to do it for YOU, then I'm with you all the way!
Just don't want you getting caught in the trap of fighting because you have to do it for him.
Like I said...all this said in love. I don't want to see you hurting anymore.
Hugs.
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Denton Texas
Posts: 92
Comment for Open
Open season.... Welcome. I have read your comments that you have posted and the one thing I think you have verbalized is anger. Chill..... Please focus on how this is seeping out of everything. Your name, icon, statements, and your choice of words appear to intentionally spread your anger.
I think everyone would welcome your comments about whats at the cause of your torment. I have to assume you live in torment or you wouldn't feel the need to vent in the manner you do.
Share with us about you...... My HP speaks to me and guides me in times of stillness and peace. I will pray for yours...
I think everyone would welcome your comments about whats at the cause of your torment. I have to assume you live in torment or you wouldn't feel the need to vent in the manner you do.
Share with us about you...... My HP speaks to me and guides me in times of stillness and peace. I will pray for yours...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Dreaming Summer
Posts: 821
Re: so truwe
Originally posted by openseason
Yes I am angry. So What I promise not to post anymore. Why correct and censor posts? What is the point of this board anyway?
Yes I am angry. So What I promise not to post anymore. Why correct and censor posts? What is the point of this board anyway?
No one has corrected or censored your posts as far as I can see.But it would be hard to miss the hostility you are determined to carry.Some of us have very gently suggested that you look at the cause of all this anger,and work on YOUR recovery.And THAT is the point of the forums.
Your response is always that you will leave or won't post.The only person who stands to lose anything by that is you.Stay if you will,but try to get out from under all that anger.Somewhere in there is a beautiful and loving person who wants to come out.
Have you considered that every moment lost to anger is a victory for the disease?
phoenix
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I'm angry too, and anger in and of itself is not a bad thing. It's built in to help protect us and others. If you walk up and stomp on my foot or on my feelings, I'm going to be angry at you. If you stomp on someone I love I am going to be angry at you.
But then we get to choose the most effective, productive and restorative way to express and handle our anger.
Sometimes the trespass was unintentional or not worth the upset, we let it go. Sometimes we need to think it over and try to resolve it. Sometimes we need to walk away. Sometimes we need to yell out Hey you are out of line, that is wrong and I won't tolerate it.
But if we do not learn to bracket it, it well may consume us and destroy the quality of our own lives.
I don't want to hand over the power to do that to someone else, to destroy me with anger.
hugs,
live
But then we get to choose the most effective, productive and restorative way to express and handle our anger.
Sometimes the trespass was unintentional or not worth the upset, we let it go. Sometimes we need to think it over and try to resolve it. Sometimes we need to walk away. Sometimes we need to yell out Hey you are out of line, that is wrong and I won't tolerate it.
But if we do not learn to bracket it, it well may consume us and destroy the quality of our own lives.
I don't want to hand over the power to do that to someone else, to destroy me with anger.
hugs,
live
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Lake Havasu, Arizona
Posts: 8
Sorry to have stirred things up -
And I'll probably get lost in the responses. I did want to say a couple of things though, in Journeygals response she said:
"When he was using, he lied, stole, disappeared for days at a time and I was a wreck. But he was never abusive to me."
All that you described was abusive.
Someone else mentioned that in Al-Anon no one tells another what they should do. Well that's true in some respects. We're told we should detach basically and live our own lives and let the alcoholic do whatever. But not getting advice when I went to Al-Anon meetings was a problem for me. I would speak expecting some good words of wisdom in return by all of these people who have experience in the same basic lifestyle, who were not new to Al-Anon, and yet no one responded. The next person would speak, and the next person would speak. And basically it seemed like a group of very unhappy people discussing a very painful subject when in the next room the AA group could be heard laughing loudly throughout their meetings. I attended many of the AA meetings and they laughed at themselves and the 'dumb' things they did. No one was laughing in the Al-Anon meetings. For me I found that going to Al-Anon meetings was more upsetting for me than comforting.
Anyway, it took me long enough to decide when I'd had enough and no one could tell me not to take him back in all those times I swore we were through but ended up taking him back anyway. But there does come a time when you know for a fact that's it's time to get off of the roller coaster and try to remember who you were and what you did before getting on that roller coaster and get back on track with your life. That's where I am finally.
I really didn't mean to get everyone stirred up, I guess it was just upsetting again to me to see so many hurt people.
T
"When he was using, he lied, stole, disappeared for days at a time and I was a wreck. But he was never abusive to me."
All that you described was abusive.
Someone else mentioned that in Al-Anon no one tells another what they should do. Well that's true in some respects. We're told we should detach basically and live our own lives and let the alcoholic do whatever. But not getting advice when I went to Al-Anon meetings was a problem for me. I would speak expecting some good words of wisdom in return by all of these people who have experience in the same basic lifestyle, who were not new to Al-Anon, and yet no one responded. The next person would speak, and the next person would speak. And basically it seemed like a group of very unhappy people discussing a very painful subject when in the next room the AA group could be heard laughing loudly throughout their meetings. I attended many of the AA meetings and they laughed at themselves and the 'dumb' things they did. No one was laughing in the Al-Anon meetings. For me I found that going to Al-Anon meetings was more upsetting for me than comforting.
Anyway, it took me long enough to decide when I'd had enough and no one could tell me not to take him back in all those times I swore we were through but ended up taking him back anyway. But there does come a time when you know for a fact that's it's time to get off of the roller coaster and try to remember who you were and what you did before getting on that roller coaster and get back on track with your life. That's where I am finally.
I really didn't mean to get everyone stirred up, I guess it was just upsetting again to me to see so many hurt people.
T
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