Sitting herecrying; family still sleep
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: SOUTH bend in
Posts: 20
Sitting herecrying; family still sleep
Good Morning; On my 7 day Recovery program!! Dreams woke me up again! You know when I get drunk and high I don't dream. But let me stop for a while. Boy do I start dreaming. Does that happen to anyone else? I am feeling sad right now.I dreamed of one of my brothers who watched out for me when I was growing up. He doesn't call me anymore. I have smoked and dranked (and manipulated) his caring away from me. It hurts. By me seeking frindship in a bottle and a toke I have pushed so many people away from me. I still have my wife and two kids.
Actually, I have hid from life. I have hid from the pain of Reality.
What do I think Reality is:
Reality is . Just because you love doesn't mean it will be returned.
Reality is. Things don't always go your way.
Reality is. There will be darkness and light in your life.
Reality is. Everyone is going to meet their maker one day!
What do I think Life is:
Life is. Remembering the Past.
Life is . Living in the Present.
Life is. Embracing the Future.
This might work! I am feeling better already. I think I will go find my brother.
I think it is time I apologize to him for my past transgressions. Maybe, I don't need to apologize. Maybe, I need to make amends somehow. I have some older relatives that sure could use some love and friendship as they are in their twilight years. Maybe, I could show my love for my family by becoming unselfish in my sharing with others. I have always been a taker and never a sharer( except within my own nucleus). Maybe, I can expand my area of caring. I like that idea.
A prayer:
Heavenly Father:
Please forgive me for the cowardly way I have live. I call it a cowards life because I have hid from lifes experiences. I have chosen to ignore how I have felt. I have chosen to numb myself against things that I thought would make me feell bad. I also numbed myself against those things that make me feel good. I have live a hermits life while walking around people. That's what I have done. I have desensitize my spirit to your creations. I am sorry.
I have come to realize that Life is Precious. Not the breathing. Not the Eating. Not the drinking. But the feelings. This is what makes mankind unique. We are able to express our feelings. We are able to laugh. We are able to cry. We are able to share. Oh Father. Please forgive an ignorant soul. By trying to shield myself from pain and hurt, I shielded myself from love. I understand and I am sorry. Please forgive me.
Everyone thank you! God bless!
Day 7 and going strong!!!!!
Actually, I have hid from life. I have hid from the pain of Reality.
What do I think Reality is:
Reality is . Just because you love doesn't mean it will be returned.
Reality is. Things don't always go your way.
Reality is. There will be darkness and light in your life.
Reality is. Everyone is going to meet their maker one day!
What do I think Life is:
Life is. Remembering the Past.
Life is . Living in the Present.
Life is. Embracing the Future.
This might work! I am feeling better already. I think I will go find my brother.
I think it is time I apologize to him for my past transgressions. Maybe, I don't need to apologize. Maybe, I need to make amends somehow. I have some older relatives that sure could use some love and friendship as they are in their twilight years. Maybe, I could show my love for my family by becoming unselfish in my sharing with others. I have always been a taker and never a sharer( except within my own nucleus). Maybe, I can expand my area of caring. I like that idea.
A prayer:
Heavenly Father:
Please forgive me for the cowardly way I have live. I call it a cowards life because I have hid from lifes experiences. I have chosen to ignore how I have felt. I have chosen to numb myself against things that I thought would make me feell bad. I also numbed myself against those things that make me feel good. I have live a hermits life while walking around people. That's what I have done. I have desensitize my spirit to your creations. I am sorry.
I have come to realize that Life is Precious. Not the breathing. Not the Eating. Not the drinking. But the feelings. This is what makes mankind unique. We are able to express our feelings. We are able to laugh. We are able to cry. We are able to share. Oh Father. Please forgive an ignorant soul. By trying to shield myself from pain and hurt, I shielded myself from love. I understand and I am sorry. Please forgive me.
Everyone thank you! God bless!
Day 7 and going strong!!!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Open,
Congratulations on your 7 days! You're right, it is an intensely emotional time when you first stop drinking and you begin to become aware of all the stuff in your life that you need to deal with. It sounds like you're on the right track and I hope you keep posting.
Congratulations on your 7 days! You're right, it is an intensely emotional time when you first stop drinking and you begin to become aware of all the stuff in your life that you need to deal with. It sounds like you're on the right track and I hope you keep posting.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Heavenly Father:
Please forgive me for the cowardly way I have live. I call it a cowards life because I have hid from lifes experiences. I have chosen to ignore how I have felt. I have chosen to numb myself against things that I thought would make me feell bad. I also numbed myself against those things that make me feel good. I have live a hermits life while walking around people. That's what I have done. I have desensitize my spirit to your creations. I am sorry.
I have come to realize that Life is Precious. Not the breathing. Not the Eating. Not the drinking. But the feelings. This is what makes mankind unique. We are able to express our feelings. We are able to laugh. We are able to cry. We are able to share. Oh Father. Please forgive an ignorant soul. By trying to shield myself from pain and hurt, I shielded myself from love. I understand and I am sorry. Please forgive me.
Please forgive me for the cowardly way I have live. I call it a cowards life because I have hid from lifes experiences. I have chosen to ignore how I have felt. I have chosen to numb myself against things that I thought would make me feell bad. I also numbed myself against those things that make me feel good. I have live a hermits life while walking around people. That's what I have done. I have desensitize my spirit to your creations. I am sorry.
I have come to realize that Life is Precious. Not the breathing. Not the Eating. Not the drinking. But the feelings. This is what makes mankind unique. We are able to express our feelings. We are able to laugh. We are able to cry. We are able to share. Oh Father. Please forgive an ignorant soul. By trying to shield myself from pain and hurt, I shielded myself from love. I understand and I am sorry. Please forgive me.
G*D knows your heart...and has always loved you. We cannot shield ourselves from G*D's love. At best, we can refuse to acknowledge it. But, it's always there for us whenever we are ready.
Congrats on 7 days! Keep up the good work!
Be well...
Shalom!
Day by day....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: NW GA
Posts: 357
Hi open. Keep posting and be gentle with yourself. It takes time to heal the hurts of the past. I too have ailenated family and friends from my life with all my addict behaviors. Deal with what comes - just don't let yourself get frustrated and overwhelmed if relationships don't start to improve on your timeline. That has happened to me - here I was making wonderful changes in my life and the people I had trampled on in the past were still holding me at arms legnth. I wanted them to embrace, forgive and forget. It took more time than I ever expected.
Now here I am starting over - thus the name. I am so trying to be realistic and gentle with myself. It took time for me to get this screwed up so I guess it will take some time to heal and be trusted and embraced by those I have harmed. (sigh) No instant gratification for me!!!!
Just wanted to share a little of my own struggle with the same feelings. Hang in there. That was a wonderful prayer. He listens.......and he answers......just in his own time and own way.
Now here I am starting over - thus the name. I am so trying to be realistic and gentle with myself. It took time for me to get this screwed up so I guess it will take some time to heal and be trusted and embraced by those I have harmed. (sigh) No instant gratification for me!!!!
Just wanted to share a little of my own struggle with the same feelings. Hang in there. That was a wonderful prayer. He listens.......and he answers......just in his own time and own way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: SOUTH bend in
Posts: 20
Yea, I know it want be easy. I have been labled a screw up so long that most will never forget. I won't either!!! I have a new family now. We all come from the same place. And we all want the same thing . Sober Forever. This new family of mine is from all races, shapes and creeds. I love my new family. My new family accepts me for what I wish to become.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Northeast
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by openforhelp
You guys are making me cry again! This is better than alcohol or pot or coke.Not better than sex. LOL!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 38
Hi Open
I also had dreams and trouble sleeping, and I was one who used beer as sleeping pills. What the folks at SR told me was to take life a hour at a time, take baby steps. I posted on SR and would go over those post in my mind when I started thinking about a drink. All the old buttons that use to make be drink were still there, and I had to stop myself over and over.
I started execising again, short workouts like 15 mins, and that helped.
I would post to SR before bed that helped.
Hang in there Open, it is worth.
Zimmer
I also had dreams and trouble sleeping, and I was one who used beer as sleeping pills. What the folks at SR told me was to take life a hour at a time, take baby steps. I posted on SR and would go over those post in my mind when I started thinking about a drink. All the old buttons that use to make be drink were still there, and I had to stop myself over and over.
I started execising again, short workouts like 15 mins, and that helped.
I would post to SR before bed that helped.
Hang in there Open, it is worth.
Zimmer
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((open)))
Congrats on your clean time....I LOVE that prayer too....keep going you are doing great. But don't get ahead of your self. I do not know if you are working the steps but making amends is one of the hardest parts for some people and you need to do the other work first. 'Cause some people will want to see the change before they are ready to accept your amends and some people will not want your amends and you need to be prepared for that too...Give everyone time including yourself...
Congrats on your clean time....I LOVE that prayer too....keep going you are doing great. But don't get ahead of your self. I do not know if you are working the steps but making amends is one of the hardest parts for some people and you need to do the other work first. 'Cause some people will want to see the change before they are ready to accept your amends and some people will not want your amends and you need to be prepared for that too...Give everyone time including yourself...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: chicago il
Posts: 12
i was so touched by your honest emotions, and just wanted to give a word of encouragement. It really does get better everyday, and your dreams will subside at some point. I always looked at my dreams right after getting sober, like my minds of dealing with all the emotions i had suppressed for so long with alcohol. I still struggle today with some emotions, but I am finally learning how to deal. Your honesty has made me want to try harder to be a better person today! thank you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Wonderful post, openforhelp. Congrats on day 7!
Are you going to AA meetings? That's how I have been able to STAY sober.
A couple of suggestions for you. First, being sober is a living amend you are making to youself and everyone around you. It's hard, but it's important to be content with that until things stabalize - early sobriety is a crazy roller coaster. Also, we work the 12 steps in order for a reason. Each step prepares for the next one. Making amends to those we've hurt is Step 9. It's there because much emotional and spiritual growth needs to take place before we're ready to do this.
Getting healthy and putting our lives back together again takes time. Be patient with yourself.
Are you going to AA meetings? That's how I have been able to STAY sober.
A couple of suggestions for you. First, being sober is a living amend you are making to youself and everyone around you. It's hard, but it's important to be content with that until things stabalize - early sobriety is a crazy roller coaster. Also, we work the 12 steps in order for a reason. Each step prepares for the next one. Making amends to those we've hurt is Step 9. It's there because much emotional and spiritual growth needs to take place before we're ready to do this.
Getting healthy and putting our lives back together again takes time. Be patient with yourself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi there Open! What a wonderful post ! CONGRATS on your 7 days !
Oh! the dreams ! I wondered what was happenening to me, like you , I drank to sleep, and never dreamed . ( not that I can remember) I did a bit of reading and looking around when it first happened to me, and I remember seeing them referred to as " lucid dreams" I was remembering them for days ! In the end , I decided it must be a God Job ! LOL. Like you , it sparked memories and thoughts that I had buried deeply, and kept down there with the booze,so like you are doing, I just let them "be", and I believe now, that they were to teach me ( at a later time in my recovery) about emotions. It says that "more will be revealed" and for me, along the road ,this has been true .
The other thing that MIGHT happen Open, is " drinking dreams ", now they are a bit of a surprise , I can tell you ! LOL I was out of bed and at my keyboard like a lightening flash! If they do happen, dont be frightened.
Your post has really helped me today, I LOVE the support we are all able toshare
HUGX
Lee
Oh! the dreams ! I wondered what was happenening to me, like you , I drank to sleep, and never dreamed . ( not that I can remember) I did a bit of reading and looking around when it first happened to me, and I remember seeing them referred to as " lucid dreams" I was remembering them for days ! In the end , I decided it must be a God Job ! LOL. Like you , it sparked memories and thoughts that I had buried deeply, and kept down there with the booze,so like you are doing, I just let them "be", and I believe now, that they were to teach me ( at a later time in my recovery) about emotions. It says that "more will be revealed" and for me, along the road ,this has been true .
The other thing that MIGHT happen Open, is " drinking dreams ", now they are a bit of a surprise , I can tell you ! LOL I was out of bed and at my keyboard like a lightening flash!
If they do happen, dont be frightened.Your post has really helped me today, I LOVE the support we are all able toshare
HUGX
Lee
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