Heavy Heart
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Nashua, NH
Posts: 1
Heavy Heart
My Dad is a major A. My mom and him got divorced when I was 4 and I visited him on weekends. I never wanted to go. I did't like it when he would drink and we would fight over it. I remember being 6 and fighting with him about it. I said to him " Chose your kids or chose your beer" and he said "Well, your not my daughter anymore". I still wanted to be a part of his life, just the sober moments. Slowly my visits were down to holidays, and I cry when I have to go see him. He lives like a normal A does. I guess I am just here to get this off my chest. Could I have been a different person if he chose to go into rehab? I have so many issues from this, I cannot trust anyone, I argue and raise my voice to get my point across. I have a "bad attitude" about certain things. I just wonder how I would have grown up if he did chose me...
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Hi
Your questions are valid ones but who is to say if anyone would be different if the circumstances are different. Perhaps talking to a therapist or couselor could help you sort out your feelings. I often wonder how I would be if I hadn't have met my A and how different my life would be, or would it just have been a different A because this was my destiny. Who knows.
Feel free to get things off your chest as often as you like. I do that often my self. I am a big time venter
I hope you can sort things out for your own peace of mind.
You take care.
Hugs
Debbie
Your questions are valid ones but who is to say if anyone would be different if the circumstances are different. Perhaps talking to a therapist or couselor could help you sort out your feelings. I often wonder how I would be if I hadn't have met my A and how different my life would be, or would it just have been a different A because this was my destiny. Who knows.
Feel free to get things off your chest as often as you like. I do that often my self. I am a big time venter
I hope you can sort things out for your own peace of mind.
You take care.
Hugs
Debbie
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
Children of Alcoholics
I'm the child of an alcoholic, and knew I would never marry an alcoholic. I didn't--he decided to start drinking 10 years after we married!
When I was 13, my siblings and I were taken out of the home it was so bad. Our mother had died 1-1/2 years before. Yeah, I have some really big hangups too. Do you know anyone else that doesn't? As I was downing the last of a big bag of peanut M & M's last night, I was realizing that my obsession to eat whatever I feel like eating stems from the time when I was 13 and my dad said we couldn't eat because he bought the food, and he would dictate when we could eat. I decided that day nobody would ever tell me what I could and couldn't eat when I was grown up. I'm not obese, but I ought to be!
I know a lot of obese people, and not all of them had alcoholic fathers. What I'm saying, is we are probably all from dysfunctional families--just some worse than others. I found that reading every book on the subject I can has helped, and therapy might help too. But just know that you are a really great person. Yell? I think yelling is very good therapy, as long as you're doing it by yourself and not directing it at anyone!
I think (besides eating) my biggest problem is I get the shakes really bad when my "A" comes in at night and I know he's been drinking. No amount of praying, or trying to get my head together has stopped it. I am rendered nearly disabled during that time, and can't even walk! Until I know my "A" has gone to bed, it continues. I asked on the chat board Monday night if anyone else had that problem, but didn't find anyone. All my siblings have the same problem. Wish I knew how to cure it.
Maybe if you address all your "hangups" individually, and try some exercises to work on each one, it will help. Hope your day goes better!
Hugs, Lyn
When I was 13, my siblings and I were taken out of the home it was so bad. Our mother had died 1-1/2 years before. Yeah, I have some really big hangups too. Do you know anyone else that doesn't? As I was downing the last of a big bag of peanut M & M's last night, I was realizing that my obsession to eat whatever I feel like eating stems from the time when I was 13 and my dad said we couldn't eat because he bought the food, and he would dictate when we could eat. I decided that day nobody would ever tell me what I could and couldn't eat when I was grown up. I'm not obese, but I ought to be!
I know a lot of obese people, and not all of them had alcoholic fathers. What I'm saying, is we are probably all from dysfunctional families--just some worse than others. I found that reading every book on the subject I can has helped, and therapy might help too. But just know that you are a really great person. Yell? I think yelling is very good therapy, as long as you're doing it by yourself and not directing it at anyone!
I think (besides eating) my biggest problem is I get the shakes really bad when my "A" comes in at night and I know he's been drinking. No amount of praying, or trying to get my head together has stopped it. I am rendered nearly disabled during that time, and can't even walk! Until I know my "A" has gone to bed, it continues. I asked on the chat board Monday night if anyone else had that problem, but didn't find anyone. All my siblings have the same problem. Wish I knew how to cure it.
Maybe if you address all your "hangups" individually, and try some exercises to work on each one, it will help. Hope your day goes better!
Hugs, Lyn
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