Notices

Where to start???

Old 01-26-2006, 04:22 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: DC
Posts: 5
Where to start???

This is really hard for me. I've kept my addiction from my family and friends for years and years. I actually can't even quite admit to myself that I have a problem, but drinking five liters of wine a week for the last ten years may just constitute a problem...do ya think?

I drink every night, I avoid certain activities because it will interefere with that lovely big box of wine. I'm drinking right now and though it disgusts me, I'm only half-way sick of it. The thought of giving it up terrifies me, the thought of carrying on like this sickens me. I tell myself that life will have no meaning if I can't have my wine (DevilsUrine!) at the end of the night. I rush home to pour that first glass (actually, I've graduated to big plastic cups) and if I'm late, I stress and count how many "drinking hours" I'll have until I have to get up in the morning.

I had a horrid childhood with an abusive alcholic stepfather <- my excuse I gave up for a while when I married my hubby, he ended up cheating on me *slurp slurp* I've recently met a new great guy, if the poor thing knew what I was really like, he'd run a mile.

How the heck do you beat this??
DevilsUrine is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 04:29 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Justme57's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi there devil and welcome to SR

You will find plenty of support and info here .

Let me say that you have just told part of my own story ....how well i remember the counting the hours left, would the shop be shut, where to get it, how to get it, where to hide it ?

For me, it was no admission at all that i was powerless over the stuff.

You have taken the first step.... by reaching out .

Oh! btw dont be too sure your family are not aware , we are usually the last to know

For me , the road to recovery started with a phone call to AA, this got me stopped, and regular meetings KEEP me stopped

I drank for 37 years, and my life revolved around it , like you , I was scared to stop, and terrified not too. But here I am, sober for 27 months, with a new me that i never imagined possible

HUGX
Lee
Justme57 is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 04:46 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,326
I was absolutely terrified of giving up alcohol too and I still remember how deep that fear was and what a hold it had on me. I could not imagine how to survive without drinking and was not sure I'd even want to. But the problem often escalates and for me, it escalated quickly to the point that I was about to lose everything. So I had to make a choice.

I'm glad you found us here at SR and I hope you keep visiting and posting. There's lots of support and encouragement here.
Anna is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 05:07 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
When we collide, we break.
 
Pink Socks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: In my jammies
Posts: 26
Welcome. I was also terrified of giving it up. Not until I was faced with my second set of legal problems as of a result of my drinking, did I stop.

Since then I've taken it day by day. That's about all you can do. One day at a time.
Pink Socks is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 05:09 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Yokohama, Japan
Posts: 487
Hello and welcome,

I'm sure you'll find many here who will relate to you. I gave up drinking on December 8th--a rather ironic to to stop getting bombed personally (when one considers it was Dec. 8th in Japan when they bombed Pearl Harbor). Like you I had all the same thoughts about "what will I do?", "how can I get through the day?", etc... Well, I've found most of those problems have been baseless and that the fear of those problems was the biggest obstacle.

When you quit drinking (and I do think it's a question of when, not if), you will feel like you're saying goodbye to a friend. Give it some time, don't be too hard on yourself, and you will hopefully come to see you're saying hello to a whole new life.

Keep posting and get strength here. You can quit, you can improve your life, and you can be happy.

Take care of yourself.
BeamMeUpScotty is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 05:14 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: DC
Posts: 5
Thanks for the quick response and support! What does me in though, is that right now my drinking doesn't really affect anyone but myself. I'm one of those functioning alcoholics. I only drink at night, it's my dirty little secret. I wake up in the morning and I'm not even hungover (drinking copious amounts helps build up that immunity!).

Okay, I just thought about things a bit. I have a boyfriend who is totally oblivious to my drinking. If I think back though, any fights we've ever had occured when I was blotto, me nitpicking things, getting mad at him for no reason, getting all sad-ass weepy over stuff. So I guess this isn't only affecting me.

I'm glad I found this place. I might not be ready to give it up yet, but you've already got me thinking.
DevilsUrine is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 05:18 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hello and Welcome!

If and when you choose to get sober...

Call ........202-797-9738

for the nearest AA meeting to you.

I was a lush for years in D.C. and
that is where I started my recovery.

There is hope and there is healing and there is recovery
you just need to want it.

Keep in touch with us...we do understand.
CarolD is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 05:20 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Yokohama, Japan
Posts: 487
Originally Posted by DevilsUrine
Thanks for the quick response and support! What does me in though, is that right now my drinking doesn't really affect anyone but myself. I'm one of those functioning alcoholics. I only drink at night, it's my dirty little secret. I wake up in the morning and I'm not even hungover (drinking copious amounts helps build up that immunity!).

Okay, I just thought about things a bit. I have a boyfriend who is totally oblivious to my drinking. If I think back though, any fights we've ever had occured when I was blotto, me nitpicking things, getting mad at him for no reason, getting all sad-ass weepy over stuff. So I guess this isn't only affecting me.

I'm glad I found this place. I might not be ready to give it up yet, but you've already got me thinking.
One of my favorite parts of this forum, moreso than other, more political, forums I sometimes visit, is being able to not only work through my thoughts and emotions "in public", but seeing others do so as well. It just shows me how much we are really all alike--we're all vulnerable and can use each other's help.

Out of curiosity, what do you think it will take for you to be ready to give it up? When you can answer that question you might be able to start taking action toward achieving it. Let us know if we can help.

Take care.
BeamMeUpScotty is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 05:34 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: DC
Posts: 5
Thanks carolD.

Beam me up....I have no idea, Scotty. I know that I have to quit at some point. But like others said, the thought just terrifies me. Why is that?? Aaaghh! When I was still married, I used to wish that I'd get pregnant because I knew that I would never drink if it would affect my child. I'm just not that concerned about myself. I have a question for you all. Do you think I should tell my boyfriend about all this? I'm really scared just at the thought of it, but he's a lovely, lovely man and I think he would understand. I hope.
DevilsUrine is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 05:46 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Paused
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 66
When you say it's "only hurting" you... isn't that enough!? Aren't you worth more than that? I have been where you are, so I know the feeling. But one day I realized that hurting me was not ok. It's interesting that it's illegal to commit suicide, but it's not illegal to intentionally hurt ourselves to the point of near death.

You are worth more and deserve better. I used to drink a bottle of chardonnay every night- sometimes two. I got sick of being a slave to it- to letting it control me. I took back the control and said ENOUGH. Believe me, it's so worth it! Good luck
garsh is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 06:03 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Chy
Member
 
Chy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi and welcome!
Boy can I relate to all of that. I was exactly the same. Oh how I feared quitting and sobriety, I didn't know what to expect, how to "function" in life should I go there. I'm glad to say the fear was unwarranted and now, my life couldn't be better! Give it a try a do so knowing there are many like you who understand. Your mere presence here just gave the next newcomer some courage to!
Chy is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 06:06 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: DC
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by garsh
When you say it's "only hurting" you... isn't that enough!? Aren't you worth more than that? I have been where you are, so I know the feeling. But one day I realized that hurting me was not ok. It's interesting that it's illegal to commit suicide, but it's not illegal to intentionally hurt ourselves to the point of near death.

You are worth more and deserve better. I used to drink a bottle of chardonnay every night- sometimes two. I got sick of being a slave to it- to letting it control me. I took back the control and said ENOUGH. Believe me, it's so worth it! Good luck
Darn those childhoods! Nope, it's not enough. I was never told that I was a good child, etc. I know that I shouldn't blame everything on them, but I do! My stepfather used to offer me sips of beer, almost as a badge of honor. If I gulp it down, I'm in his club!

It's all his fault!!
DevilsUrine is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 06:08 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: blairstown, nj
Posts: 2
i just registered,i own my own resteraunt,dont have time do drive to meetings,but i realize how helpful it could be to talk to others who have substance abuse issues,and hopefully find someone who can tell me that at some point soberness will make me happy again.i have no idea how my body is supposed to feel,my mind,my mood???everytime i get off the stuff,i am miserable for weeks and eventually give in to the urge to be back to normal?
pizzaman is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 06:10 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: blairstown, nj
Posts: 2
is anyone out there an opiate addict?
pizzaman is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 06:21 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
pizzaman Welcome!

There are several threads here in Newcomers on opiate addiction.
Also...look at the Drug Addiction section.

Glad to see you here,
CarolD is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 06:21 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Chy
Member
 
Chy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi pizzaman and welcome! Plenty of opiate abusers here. Check out the NA and Substance abuse forums.
Chy is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 07:39 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
I bite.
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 498
Originally Posted by DevilsUrine
I'm just not that concerned about myself.
Maybe you need to stop right there and focus on what you said.

Do you love yourself?

Would you hurt something or somebody you love?

Most addicts it would seem to me don't love themselves when they let the addiction take over (the reasons don't really matter at this time).

If that is true, then you need to stop the addiction first. Then learn to love yourself. Learn self-respect. Learn discipline. Be selfish with your needs but in a healthy way. Find a program that works for you.

Sometimes, perhaps most of the time, surviving in life is about not doing what we want to do but rather doing what we need to do.



Grimnar is offline  
Old 01-26-2006, 07:42 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 404
Welcome! I drank everyday for 10 years or so - I finally decided that it was time for me to stop. I will have 1 year of sobriety on 2/7/06. If I can stop- you can too. AA helped me tremendously.

There is a great book that I read called "Drinking - A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. You should read it.

Stick around
JMHS
jmhs002 is offline  
Old 01-27-2006, 08:06 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
BSPGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 889
Hey DevilsUrine, welcome to SR. Loving yourself is a long process really, I'm just starting to learn that day by day. Best of luck, hang in there. I needed a wake up call to stop with the drugs. Hope you don't need any.
BSPGirl is offline  
Old 01-27-2006, 10:55 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: harrison arkansas
Posts: 15
i dont know how to use this sight im new
ali32 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:59 AM.