pmaslan

Yesterday I had an appointment with my counselor.
These sessions are starting to get uncomfortable for me.
You see I am getting to a point in my life where my old
life no longer fits me and I am not ready for a new one yet.
Does that make sense to anyone?
My old life is getting further behind me, as I move
through the tunnel to my new life, to who I want to be.
I do stumble back here and there,
but that old life,
the one that used to feel soooo comfortable to me
is now becoming foriegn to me.
Yet, I am scared and confused where this new one is taking me.
I asked my counselor about these feelings.
She said they are normal, healthy if you will.
So for now I battle with my own discomfort....
As I am now in the process of understanding me
perhaps for the very first time.
My life has been a constant merry go round
and since stepping off I have come full circle
back to me,
and I am more uncomfortable than I've ever been in my life!
Can anyone relate to this?

ASpouse

Yes, I can. I actually stopped going to my counsellor when I got that uncomfortable feeling. Happily, I went back though, realizing that I was just scared of the unknown.

BTW, the unknown has been good! Go for it Patty ........ jump in, I bet the water is just fine.

pmaslan

and that's what I mean...I am terrified of the unknown.
I already know drama, poor behaviour and insanity.
I found that to be comfortable in the past....
now that is gone.
How will I know goodness, having not had it?

gelfling

Isn't it insane? We're willing to be physically, mentally and verbally abused because we know what to expect, but we're scared of what's good and healthy. When I'd go to my therapist, I would stop somewhere along the road and cry because I was scared. No idea why at the time, but she said it was because we were on the brink of allowing old pain to surface and I didn't want to experience it a second time.

Like Judy, I quit going for a short time, but something made me go back. Keep up the good work and keep going.

Blessings

pmaslan

Kathy I did the same thing last year....I was then at the point I am now...
things started to get too hot, too uncomfortable for me, so I stopped going
to see her. I know that I have to walk through the pain to get to the other side.
It is a long and lonely road but I am so ready.

splendra

(((Patty)))

I think this phase you are in is called waiting in the hall the old door is closed and sometimes we keep looking at the closed door wanting to go back in but, eventually we stop banging and sit down and wait and then the new door opens up into a new room filled with new possibilities. The wait can be scary cause we can still hear our old self crying and screaming on the other side of the closed door but, when the new one opens.....it is good

pmaslan

(((Splendra))))
OMG thank you for explaining it this way....

cwohio

oh yeah - i can totally relate. i was just at the beginning when my chaos came to it's abrupt end. now i have more time to learn, reflect and it IS kind of frightening.

cwohio

good analogy explanation splendra!

robina

I can relate. Recovery is all about change, and change is scary.

minnie

Hey guys, why don't we all join hands and have a little sing-song whilst we figure out how to open that other door? It gets a bit lonely out here in the hall on my own.

cwohio

sounds good to me minnie, but i guarantee ya, if you heard me sing you'd find a way to get that door open right quick

equus

After crying in front of my GP because - wait for it..... everything was going so well I got told not to worry at all because all BIG changes are stressful, even when they are positive.

She said she would be more bothered if I wasn't feeling (or perhaps admitting) to some stress!!

Maybe it serves a purpose of making us more alert in new situations?

equus

ooops!!

splendra

I have spent many long lonely times in the hall but, one of the secrets to being in the hall is you have to really like yourself even in the scary darkness of the hall and make yourself laugh....door opens... be not afraid....

minnie

I reckon the door's already open. I've just been looking at the wrong one for a while.

pmaslan

Funny enough I really thought I was in the hall....
Just recently I KNOW that I am still in the middle of that tunnel...
That's ok really cause I am getting closer to being in that hall
permanently.....
and the other side of the tunnel is getting further and further away.
Took many years to even acknowledge the start of the tunnel
let alone venture into it...
As always.....
All in good time....
and I hope all that have been hanging out in the hall
will be waiting there for me.
And I will gladly sing.....

equus

Ignore the case closed thing - wrong thread!

Jazzman

Patty, change is consistant. Keep repeating that until you accept it and it will help you to not fear the unknown. The next room you walk into might be a good one, if you're not afraid to walk into it.
Come on in! The water's fine!

pmaslan

Hey Buddy there you are...thought you left me....
Reaching into my past is what is scarry...
I have spent so much time being and staying busy (merry go round)
so I didn't have to deal with it....with me,
and I'm talking many many years here....
Just hit a rough patch here....
Counselor thinks I am working way to hard on me
suggests I take a break and let the little girl out for awhile.
You know maybe read a book that doesn't have the word codependant
in it for a change.....