Drinkers describe suffering.
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Drinkers describe suffering.
People with drinking problems experienced suffering as a vicious, spiralling vortex that encompassed all aspects of their being <---- Article and commentary.
Reference - Smith BA.The problem drinker's lived experience of suffering: an exploration using hermeneutic phenomenology.J Adv Nurs 1998 Jan;27:213–22.
Reference - Smith BA.The problem drinker's lived experience of suffering: an exploration using hermeneutic phenomenology.J Adv Nurs 1998 Jan;27:213–22.
Corporeal (physical) suffering was related to alcohol dependence syndrome (eg, headache, nausea, vomiting, and abdominal pain) and the effects of abrupt withdrawal, and was most acute in the morning. Further drinking often ensued as an attempt to find relief from these symptoms. Participants referred to this suffering as self inflicted and therefore not worthy of sympathy.
Suffering in the relational life world was seen in recurring feelings of shame, guilt, and denial. Shame was experienced as an intensely painful emotion that resulted from the stigma, being deceitful, and being exposed as weak, dirty, and helpless. It led to self loathing, isolation, loneliness, feelings of rejection, and suicide attempts. Participants then drank to deal with fears of further exposure. Guilt arose from irresponsible actions (eg, putting children at risk, drunk driving, or losing control) and led to attempts to prove oneself, drinking more, and feelings of self loathing and low self esteem. Fooling yourself (denial) involved the deviousness of hiding bottles, telling lies, and making excuses, and led to feelings of shame and guilt.
Suffering related to time and place involved the changing rhythms of time and the physical world around the participant. Suffering was viewed as an insidious process and as a series of vicious circles repeating themselves with increasing velocity. The ultimate form of suffering was the downward trajectory towards rock bottom and oblivion. Rock bottom was a metaphor used to describe an intolerable personal low point, and included experiences such as fear of public exposure and disgrace, physical degradation, delirium tremens, contemplating or attempting suicide, and losing one's purpose in life. The rock bottom experiences of all participants helped them in some way to modify their drinking.
Conclusion
People with drinking problems described their lived experience of suffering as a spiralling vicious vortex, which involved the physical, psychological, social, and spiritual aspects of the individual's being.
Suffering in the relational life world was seen in recurring feelings of shame, guilt, and denial. Shame was experienced as an intensely painful emotion that resulted from the stigma, being deceitful, and being exposed as weak, dirty, and helpless. It led to self loathing, isolation, loneliness, feelings of rejection, and suicide attempts. Participants then drank to deal with fears of further exposure. Guilt arose from irresponsible actions (eg, putting children at risk, drunk driving, or losing control) and led to attempts to prove oneself, drinking more, and feelings of self loathing and low self esteem. Fooling yourself (denial) involved the deviousness of hiding bottles, telling lies, and making excuses, and led to feelings of shame and guilt.
Suffering related to time and place involved the changing rhythms of time and the physical world around the participant. Suffering was viewed as an insidious process and as a series of vicious circles repeating themselves with increasing velocity. The ultimate form of suffering was the downward trajectory towards rock bottom and oblivion. Rock bottom was a metaphor used to describe an intolerable personal low point, and included experiences such as fear of public exposure and disgrace, physical degradation, delirium tremens, contemplating or attempting suicide, and losing one's purpose in life. The rock bottom experiences of all participants helped them in some way to modify their drinking.
Conclusion
People with drinking problems described their lived experience of suffering as a spiralling vicious vortex, which involved the physical, psychological, social, and spiritual aspects of the individual's being.
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People with drinking problems described their lived experience of suffering as a spiralling vicious vortex, which involved the physical, psychological, social, and spiritual aspects of the individual's being.
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Thanks for this post. I do not for the life of me understand why they do what they do. But reading this helps me understand what my xbf felt. In fact, the second paragraph about shame and self hate is just what he's told me so many times why he wants to just escape into a bottle. I hope to have compassion instead of anger/resentment.
Getting busy living!
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Thanks for the post Eq. I too can't imagine what it must be like even though I have witnessed it first hand also. After 3 attempted suicides one would think my husband would have seen rock bottom but I think his prison experience is turning out to be more the thing that may finally crack that nut of addiction, so to speak. He controlled his suicide attempts, all he can control in prison is his own behavior and he knows even that's no guarantee someone won't attempt to bust him up if they feel like doing it.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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Thanks for the post. It's very informative. How horrible it must be to feel like that and how desperate they must be to escape that horror! Just makes me want to run and hug C. TomsGirl, I think that C's jail experience, too, is finally gonna be his salvation. It's too bad that it had to be something so radical, but I'm just grateful SOMETHING worked.
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I got cold chills reading it too - D doesn't say much about what it feels like from the inside, except 'You don't want to know'.
It helped me to see it written like this and rang true with what I could see.
WHAT A PLACE TO HAVE TO MAKE A COME BACK FIGHT FROM??? It humbles me.
It helped me to see it written like this and rang true with what I could see.
WHAT A PLACE TO HAVE TO MAKE A COME BACK FIGHT FROM??? It humbles me.
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I actually knew what they were going through, obviously not
personally experiencing it, but from my ex.
During lucid times he would explain all that you wrote.
I somehow understood the relapses.
He felt he had wasted his whole life and nearing 50 years of age
couldn't imagine starting over again.
It broke my heart to hear this time and again.
To him it was sometimes easier to start drinking again,
rather than to face all that he had lost.
Physically, I think he could have managed.
Spirtially and mentally is where he ran into the trouble.
This is where compassion really takes over for me.
personally experiencing it, but from my ex.
During lucid times he would explain all that you wrote.
I somehow understood the relapses.
He felt he had wasted his whole life and nearing 50 years of age
couldn't imagine starting over again.
It broke my heart to hear this time and again.
To him it was sometimes easier to start drinking again,
rather than to face all that he had lost.
Physically, I think he could have managed.
Spirtially and mentally is where he ran into the trouble.
This is where compassion really takes over for me.
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Even today with many years of sobriety, when I am asked to describe what it was like the best I can do is to say "I spent 24 years in HELL here on earth, so I have no doubt that when my time on earth is done I will be going to Heaven if there is one."
Thank you Equus for posting this. I have cut and pasted it to my puter and will print some out to give to those that I share with locally.
This is an EXCELLENT DESCRIPTION of what it is like to have your life revolve around ALCOHOL. ie How much is left, when can I get more, where can I get more, etc etc
Equus I have been remiss in not Thanking You Enough for all the research and then posting what you find. I for one am greatly appreciative of all the work you put into this. Thank you so much. You certainly help me in continuing to be a Double Winner.
Love and hugs,
Thank you Equus for posting this. I have cut and pasted it to my puter and will print some out to give to those that I share with locally.
This is an EXCELLENT DESCRIPTION of what it is like to have your life revolve around ALCOHOL. ie How much is left, when can I get more, where can I get more, etc etc
Equus I have been remiss in not Thanking You Enough for all the research and then posting what you find. I for one am greatly appreciative of all the work you put into this. Thank you so much. You certainly help me in continuing to be a Double Winner.
Love and hugs,
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yeah, so many times it "appears" as though it's all the fun and easy life for them while we became emotional casualties. But it's not really that way...maybe for a fleeting moment...but the rest is in actuality not fun at all.
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It makes me so very, very sad. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone, much less my own husband.
This is where I start to feel compassion too. And I feel guilt, guilt that I know I am biding my time until I can make a successful exit. How can I want to leave knowing what he's going through? But how can I want to stay when it hurts me too?
I hate this.
This is where I start to feel compassion too. And I feel guilt, guilt that I know I am biding my time until I can make a successful exit. How can I want to leave knowing what he's going through? But how can I want to stay when it hurts me too?
I hate this.
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I would like to thank you to Equus, for your research and posting.
I am a recovering Alcoholic, and this describes it exactly! Every time I picked up a drink, I hated myself more, BUT until I found sobriety, I had no choice at all, the continual battle from waking to night , "when could I start drinking? how would I get it ? I WILL only have 1! How could I hide it ? Why am I such a bad person? What can I tell people ? " OMG! the bondage of it all! The inner pain was the worst , and there appeared to be no escape. For me, I felt that if I stopped drinking I would just fly apart, and disintergrate .
I now have 27 months of continuous sobriety, and only now, in hindsight can I see how insane my thinking was.
i am a VERY grateful member of AA, it literally saved my life
HUGX
Lee
I am a recovering Alcoholic, and this describes it exactly! Every time I picked up a drink, I hated myself more, BUT until I found sobriety, I had no choice at all, the continual battle from waking to night , "when could I start drinking? how would I get it ? I WILL only have 1! How could I hide it ? Why am I such a bad person? What can I tell people ? " OMG! the bondage of it all! The inner pain was the worst , and there appeared to be no escape. For me, I felt that if I stopped drinking I would just fly apart, and disintergrate .
I now have 27 months of continuous sobriety, and only now, in hindsight can I see how insane my thinking was.
i am a VERY grateful member of AA, it literally saved my life
HUGX
Lee
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I believe in learning, I follow it because it's never done me harm and oddly what's learned is never useless.
I found 2 pieces of research today, one (the above) had a big impact on me, the other had a big impact on D (he asked about reversing damage done to the brain). In amongst it all I read around as I always do only it's begining to get faster - I'm starting to feel what searches to use, guess what research will show. I know this feeling, I've been here before. At the point where I can't organise into words the connections between things and the only way I can know if I'm still on track is by guessing research then checking how near the guess was - like you start to feel the subject, sense it.
I usually avoid qualitive research but this struck a chord with me - it's what I saw, not what I experienced but I recognised it as what I saw.
I worry that it's 'wrong' to start to love it as a subject, I've talked to D about it but he's cool with it. He knows what I mean, I just worry that because he understands he might be saying it's ok because he thinks it would be cruel to me to stop now.
I can't explain this - just it's good to hear it can have positive side effects because I am getting caught up in the subject as a subject. Not that it means I feel one ounce less. BLAH!! Just good to know some good can come from it.
I found 2 pieces of research today, one (the above) had a big impact on me, the other had a big impact on D (he asked about reversing damage done to the brain). In amongst it all I read around as I always do only it's begining to get faster - I'm starting to feel what searches to use, guess what research will show. I know this feeling, I've been here before. At the point where I can't organise into words the connections between things and the only way I can know if I'm still on track is by guessing research then checking how near the guess was - like you start to feel the subject, sense it.
I usually avoid qualitive research but this struck a chord with me - it's what I saw, not what I experienced but I recognised it as what I saw.
I worry that it's 'wrong' to start to love it as a subject, I've talked to D about it but he's cool with it. He knows what I mean, I just worry that because he understands he might be saying it's ok because he thinks it would be cruel to me to stop now.
I can't explain this - just it's good to hear it can have positive side effects because I am getting caught up in the subject as a subject. Not that it means I feel one ounce less. BLAH!! Just good to know some good can come from it.
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Location: Ohio
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Originally Posted by Justme57
I would like to thank you to Equus, for your research and posting.
I am a recovering Alcoholic, and this describes it exactly! Every time I picked up a drink, I hated myself more, BUT until I found sobriety, I had no choice at all, the continual battle from waking to night , "when could I start drinking? how would I get it ? I WILL only have 1! How could I hide it ? Why am I such a bad person? What can I tell people ? " OMG! the bondage of it all! The inner pain was the worst , and there appeared to be no escape. For me, I felt that if I stopped drinking I would just fly apart, and disintergrate .
I now have 27 months of continuous sobriety, and only now, in hindsight can I see how insane my thinking was.
i am a VERY grateful member of AA, it literally saved my life
HUGX
Lee
I am a recovering Alcoholic, and this describes it exactly! Every time I picked up a drink, I hated myself more, BUT until I found sobriety, I had no choice at all, the continual battle from waking to night , "when could I start drinking? how would I get it ? I WILL only have 1! How could I hide it ? Why am I such a bad person? What can I tell people ? " OMG! the bondage of it all! The inner pain was the worst , and there appeared to be no escape. For me, I felt that if I stopped drinking I would just fly apart, and disintergrate .
I now have 27 months of continuous sobriety, and only now, in hindsight can I see how insane my thinking was.
i am a VERY grateful member of AA, it literally saved my life
HUGX
Lee
Is it feeling this described pain that ultimately is what enables you to choose to escape it? It breaks my heart, but I also see that "helping" him by soothing his feelings only seems to prolong the pain. He looks to me like he is barely able to "keep it together" anymore, so I try to keep caring and loving in a less involved way....no more "mothering". It's difficult alot of times to detatch; I know he is hurting. I am not angry or mean to him (I hope). I would treat him differently but it seems he will turn the concern to blame and deflect the problem to me, if I allow it.
Please help me with this...it is my downfall.
Especially now. His actions are disgraceful to him (besides the drinking) and I have caught him in lies to keep me from knowing that he is doing things that go against his own standards (and mine). I have told him several times that I have caught him in a lie; and left it at that. I assume that is why he avoids me; I usually do know or he is afraid I will. He is in a very bad,bleak place but is afraid; I get the feeling that he thinks he can never make-up for what he has already done......and it just gets worse.
Loving detatchment........can you recognize it during addiction? Does it matter? (Basically, AH says I don't support him therefore divorce....but I am sure much is QUACK.)
I guess what I am saying is that I do understand (to the extent I can; nicotine was a major problem to me) and I tend to get so out of balance with it; it feeds my own sickness.
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Hi Pick a name, sorry I just saw your question.
It is hard for me to answer. It really is true that unless you have been there, you cannot understand. I live alone, my son and his family ceased contact with me some months before I quit. Mind you , the fact that they had , had no bearing on me quitting. And that is the sad thing . I HAD NO CHOICE but to drink. NONE. It was not until I got some sober time, that I could look back and see the insanity of my thinking while drinking,, drinking really does change the thought processes. I know , that for me, I quit when the inner pain became more than I could bear, and only darkness loomed ahead. This was only brought about by the absolute isolation I had made for myself, I had nowhere else to turn, at all, and suicide seemed a great option. IMO (now) that is where I had to get to, before I quit. Everybody is different, but while drinking is not causing any consequences, it is likely that it will continue
Not sure if this helps you or not, it is very difficult to explain
HUGX
Lee
It is hard for me to answer. It really is true that unless you have been there, you cannot understand. I live alone, my son and his family ceased contact with me some months before I quit. Mind you , the fact that they had , had no bearing on me quitting. And that is the sad thing . I HAD NO CHOICE but to drink. NONE. It was not until I got some sober time, that I could look back and see the insanity of my thinking while drinking,, drinking really does change the thought processes. I know , that for me, I quit when the inner pain became more than I could bear, and only darkness loomed ahead. This was only brought about by the absolute isolation I had made for myself, I had nowhere else to turn, at all, and suicide seemed a great option. IMO (now) that is where I had to get to, before I quit. Everybody is different, but while drinking is not causing any consequences, it is likely that it will continue
Not sure if this helps you or not, it is very difficult to explain
HUGX
Lee
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
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((Lee)): Thank you so much for your thoughtful answer (and PM). It is helpful......I of course wish it could be easier for all, but of course it is not.
I am so glad you seem to have escaped from that he11..........thanks for giving back to the rest of us the hard lessons you have learned. Hugs to you!
I am so glad you seem to have escaped from that he11..........thanks for giving back to the rest of us the hard lessons you have learned. Hugs to you!
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