Snitzle1

I am desperate to feel like me again. I am a shadow of who i used to be. Self esteem is shot, feel all these horrible things about myself like I'm a failure. I couldn't help him. I make him so mad he drinks. Then I feel like I'm feeling sorry for myself. It is one vicious cycle. How do you break free? I am also to ashamed to go to al-anon meetings face to face. I don't know how I got here. where was the breaking point? Why do I stay? Why do I think the next day will be different? When he calls I wait to hear his tone of hello to know what mood he will be in? People say his actions have nothing to do with me but how could anyone be so cruel and not want to fix it?
What little things do you do each day to help or fix yourself??/
Signed,
sad but hopefull

RedAPBT

Snitzle1,

I go to a meeting... I used to feel like you described, but with a little courage mustered up then, here I am... here is a link for you:

http://www.ncwsa.org/meeting.html

This is for the northern CA area, but your area is also listed
there - you are not far from my area you know

Hugs~
Katie

Ann

Snitzle

Red is right about going to a meeting. When we get sick and tired of being sick and tired, we are ready to take the first step in our recovery.

Pick up your phone, find a meeting and do yourself the biggest favour of your life - go.

My prayers are with you.

openseason

Your A has made sure you have low self esteem. That is what he wants so he can continue drinking. He needs you to feel so bad and this is something he does with cruelty, you are not imagining that aspect either. The reason the A is so cruel is because alcoholism is a selfish and self-centered way to live. Find the strength to attend an Al-Anon meeting, so you can talk to a sober person that has been where you are. Thats how to start your way out.

rebel

Hi Snitzle,

Just want to say hi and try to encourage you to find an alanon meeting like all of the others said. I know you are afraid and ashamed to walk in that door, but believe me, we have ALL been where you are and were all sooooo afraid. I have only been to 4 meetings and if you look at my old post "Chicken to go" you will see how terrified I was and how everyone on these boards encouraged me. And all I can say is God bless them all! It was the best thing I could have ever done. I promise you, it will be a good thing and you will be glad that you went.....Please try and PLEASE let us know!

Thinking of you and praying for you!
rebel

twice is nice

You definitely need to go to an AlAnon meeting. Try a few in your area and then you can decide which works the best for you. The first time I went to a meeting, a woman came over and hugged me and I just broke down in tears. I was so embarrassed. I didn't even know these people. But they were all so kind and caring and seemed to know exactly what I was feeling. Thanks to all these meetings, I have found myself again and have been able to make some very difficult decisions about my life. Al Anon will teach you to focus on yourself and not your A. Find the courage......its worth it.

liddy

remember snitzel-can't control it, can't cure it and you certainly didnt cause it
alanon is about you. you can go to a meeting and not say a word
but somehow you begin to absorb what is being said around you
and you go back because it may be the most peaceful hour of your week.(the more meetings you attend each week the more peaceful hours you have !) This time last year I was quite insane
from the effects of anothers drinking it takes time but slowly
you do begin to come alive again.
Do this for yourself, most of us would of never got better if not
for the program and the help of our HP. I think every reply here
has suggested the same thing, we know it can work !

with love
liddy