c'est la vie

I finally did it. I had enough of worrying about what would happen to me if I actually went to an AA meeting. Would I be a committed alcoholic? Would I be committed to never drinking again if I really, really wanted? Would anyone tell me my problem wasn't "big enough" so leave? The answer I found was NO!

I have been posting on SR regularly for a couple weeks now and I credit all you guys for keeping me sober. I slipped and had one drink on Monday while the kids were at school, but wouldn't you know it, I logged onto SR while I was drinking (duh! do you think that's a sign that I knew it was wrong) and sure enough there was a PM from Cathy31 asking how I was doing after 1 week sober!! AAHHH! If I didn't believe in a HP before, I sure felt it then. So I drank several glasses of water and went for a walk instead of giving in to the desire for a good buzz.

I am so grateful to all of you (probably anyone reading this post, because it shows you care about my success), but there are a few of you who have become my strength. Can I use SR as my HP because it sure has been a Godsend in my recovery?

Anyway back to the meeting. I printed out a list of all the English meetings in Paris and out of the 35 meetings each week, I can only feasibly make it to 5. And out of those 5 I may actually only be able to make it to 2. I started by making it to 1.

I walked in to a dreary room with 3 other people speaking French and sat right next to the door for a few moments. I was planning to just leave since it seemed very uncomfortable, but instead I walked up to a guy and asked what was going to be discussed at the meeting. He said curtly, "This is an AA meeting." So I told him, sheepishly, I knew that and wanted to know what types of things might be discussed with a meeting titled "Keep it Simple". I didn't know if it was like a study session that I shouldn't be at. So he said again, "This is an AA meeting. Why are you here?" I was able to squeak out of my mouth, "Because I drink too much," before I began to sob and wish I could disappear. Of course he felt miserable that he broke me and suddenly became Mr. Nice Guy and introduced me to a woman who just arrived and sat with me during the meeting. I thought about Sugasnaps when someone read the How it Works and couldn't imagine being that confident. I guess she had a month of sobriety and newly learned internal strength. I was wishing for that the entire meeting.

The topic was great (and obvious). The speaker and everyone who shared later gave suggestion of what they do during the day to keep from drinking. Really simple things like ask your higher power to keep you from drinking and thanking at the end of the day. One guy said he felt that kneeling in the living room made the difference between going through the motions and actually feeling the power. One woman said simply by not taking the time to deliberate over everything, it's either yes or no right away. Do you want to drink? It's not hmm, I have to work tomorrow. It's just simply no.

Anyway, after the meeting several people came up to me to introduce themselves which I thought was nice. They could have just run to their next committment but they didn't. One guy talked to me for a while and was quite funny and told me something I always want to remember. He said he tells himself that he's not drinking today. Everyone does that in AA right? But he also tells himself he'll be able to get slobbering drunk tomorrow. you may be saying. So when tomorrow rolls around and he thinks it's the day to drink, he remembers, "But it's today and I'm not drinking today." HAHAHA What I took away from that story was that it only matters today.

I talked a long time with the woman I sat with and she emphasized what the man said. My biggest hang up is that I don't want to think that I'll never be able to drink again. I'm too young for that. She said (and many of you have said also) not to worry about that. Don't drink for today and let each new day be a new answer. I like that comfort.

So, I'm very happy today and I'm not drinking. Tomorrow may be different, but I doubt it. I still feel miserable sometimes, but I can tell things are getting better little by little. And I keep remembering (or being told) all these things I don't remember saying or doing and I don't like that. I want to remember life.

I have this in the back of my journal to look at each day.

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it's own things. Sufficient for doday is its own troubles.Matthew 6:34

roadie58

'I started by making it to 1.'

Very sweet post there. I quoted this little statement you made, since this was your first AA meeting, anywhere, anyplace, right? Your trepidation is entirely understandable and completely normal.

Your post also points out that almost no matter where we are in the world, the hand of AA is there, reaching out, and expecially to newcomers. It was great that it was a smallish meeting, with a very simple topic, 'keep it simple', because we tend to be complex people who overanalyze things. That's where the phrases such as 'One Day at a Time' and 'First things First' come into play.

What that guy told you about not drinking TODAY, but that you can get drunk TOMORROW holds true here in America too. Many of us can't face losing our best companion Alcohol for the rest of our lives, but if we just don't drink for TODAY, it is manageable.

Congratulations on your first meeting, the next most important thing is to look forward to your NEXT meeting. Please get a temporary sponsor as soon as you can and get a Big Book. Your sponsor should give you reading assignments and begin discussing Step One shortly.

Welcome to Recovery. It's a great life!

Cathy31

Oh winelover, your post brought tears to my eyes!!!

How absolutely, absolutely wonderful!! It has been an absolute pleasure being able to hear you share and see your progress.

I SWEAR you are far braver than me, if that guy had spoken to me like that first time , curtly, twice I would have high tailed it out of there so fast and DEFINITELY used it as an excuse to get drunk!

You are AMAZING to have stayed!!!!

I think SR (or anythign) as your HP is a great idea.

I am so happy for you, this is such a wonderful journey...remember everything you do is a step towards recovery or relapse...you did one huge step toward recovery!!!

Just today, ok!

Well done again!

Not only are you helping yourself, you are helping so many others on in cyberspace and at that meeting!!!

Cathy31
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Etimee

****{Winelover}}}}}

You are incredible! Your honesty and courage have brought you so far. Thank you for sharing your experience at your meeting yesterday. It helped me too to hear about it.

You also gave me food for thought, thank you. I loved the messages you were given.

I am cheering you on!!!!!!

Thanks again.

miss communicat

Winelover

You MADE my morning shine!!!!

Truly, you have "passed it on". I will not drink today either. So glad you are here with us!

C

raerob

From one winelover to another..."Cheers"...and, thanks so much for sharing the experience of attending your very first AA meeting!

Just For Today is the title of one of the little books I used to read...it just occurred to me that I haven't seen my collection of AA books since I moved here nine months ago! Where are they!?! Don't know where they're hiding out...but, I'm determined to find them...need to go back to my routine of daily readings!

You inspire me, WL!

c'est la vie

I was getting a bit longwinded before and was running late to get to a school meeting, but I wanted to share some other thoughts. There were a couple things that bothered me that I'm trying not to put too much bearing on but it may help one of you in the future not to be too overbearing.

First of all, I got really intimidated with the suggestion of 90 meetings in 90 days. There is absolutely no possible way for me to manage that. Then they said it wasn't that critical, it was a suggestion, but continued to disect my weekly calendar to find time for my meetings. They had all sorts of suggestions: Get a babysitter, lean on my husband, bring the kids, cut out my activities at the school. I know I've heard it on this forum that people have driven hours for their meetings, rearranged schedules and whatever since this is important, BUT I'm not in jail or in a hospital, I don't live on the streets, and I have a family to take care of. I really do feel that my circumstance do not require exactly the same approach as someone who is alone (or with partner) and has more freedom to come and go to meetings constantly or is truly on deaths door. AND finally getting my a$$ out the door to volunteer at the school is what made me recognize that I was spending every moment at home drinking in the first place. I did nothing for 9 months here, then when I tried to get involved I canceled several volunteer opportunities and meetings since it would disrupt my drinking. Getting out of the house to do anything is very good for me right now. Plus it's wonderful for the kids to know that I'm involved in their lives. Why in the world would I throw that away? I know I have to be good to myself, but being good to them, makes me feel good. So that annoyed me a lot. I will do MY best and I can guarantee it will not be the same as someone else's best.

The other thing that bugged me (and this is really little) is that this nice woman handed me a book called Living Sober and said, "I bought this for you." What?? I'm sure that's just canned AA speak, and it sounded far too corny for me to see any sincerity. Is that what you're taught to say? How about, "This is for you. I think you'll enjoy reading it." She's a little pushy, but she was nice, so I'll try not to pass judgement too soon.

Dan

That be the only way.
Action.
Congratulations

CarolD

Good for you!

The 90 day suggestion is not AA. It is not in the Big Book.
While I think the more meetings the better...there are no rules.

The 90 day idea came from rehab centers.
According to some experts on behavor
it takes 3 months to change a habit.

Go as often as you can.... and
stay sober today.

roadie58

Could you generally find an hour to waste while drinking every day? Again the 90 in 90 is just a suggestion. It mirrors the one-day-at-a-time thinking and reminds you to keep coming back.

That 'Living Sober' book is a dandy little piece of literature. Please don't be so critical of folks you don't know who mean to help you. That's what we're taught to do, is 'pass it on'. Around my area, we commonly buy each other the 24/7 book of daily meditations, but any literature as a gift should be humbly and joyously received.

Paulie

Also something to consider is that many who come into 12 step meetings are full of excuses (I am in no way saying you are) as to why they cant do this or that. Many alkies and addicts do that, tell excuses as to why they cannot put recovery first. So often when you meet someone in a meeting, they assume that is what you are doing. I have been blessed to be sober over 10 years and if I dont go to meetings for a few weeks, then go and am asked where I have been, I get treated the same...like I was just making excuses.

Recovery is not just about not drinking or using, it is about learning to live life and about balance, just take it one day at a time like you are. I like what that man told you. I never say I will never use or drink again...I have known to many people that said never and are either dead or out there using and drinking again.

Keep up the great work.

I was just visiting your part of the world last Oct, I never even thought of looking for english speaking AA meetings...darn it, that would have been cool.

I am very proud of you!

c'est la vie

I really was humbled by the fact that this woman took it upon herself to begin my road in AA by sitting with me while I bawled my eyes out, giving me this book after the meeting, and walking about a half mile before we parted ways. She even gave me her phone number and took mine to give to the leader of a meeting that generally has more women.

I think it just overwhelmed me that she wanted to do so much that it made me feel that I wasn't doing enough. Thank you for making sure that I recognized that she was only doing what is right in AA.

And regarding the wasted hour. It's not the amount of time that's the problem, it's the timing of the meetings. I can generally go to the noon meetings but not the other times without disrupting things.

MNGirlyGirl

Way to go Winelover! Do what works for you -- if it be one meeting a week or once a month. Just remember to use your resources and to call someone if you think you are going to pick up. It is very intimidating to go to that first meeting. That showed a lot of strength.

best

1 meeting or 90.

1 glass of wine or 90


For some, 90 in 90 is what works.

The suggestion is a tool that you know is available.
Use what you need.
You will know what meetings you need to be at. They are the ones you try to talk yourself out of.

Justme57

OH! ((((((( WINELOVER )))))))) I am going to have to use Cathys tissues!!!!!!!!!!

I am so happy for you !!!!!!! Absolutely fantastic . I want to jump thru the monitor and give you a hug .

Ditto on the 90 in 90, it is suggested in rehabs, but is not an AA "must"

About the lady who gave you the book, my Sponser has always a copy of " Living Sober" with her at meetings, and she gives them to mewcomers. That is her chosen method of passing on the message. It is a great book, and very easy to read. Dont worry too much about WHAT she said, she may have been very nervous approaching you too! LOL. I found when I first came to the rooms, that I was sensitive ++++ and disected everything everyone said .

That was something I found really hard to accept when I came to AA, the absolute unconditional love. I was very suspicious of "why" people were nice to me . My Sponser told me, that I had to learn to " recieve " and it was a lesson for me , I had been the Queen of "people pleasers" but it took me a long time to trust peoples motives, and to just accept that they really DID like me , and want to help me .

take what you want , and leave the rest , I was told , and it does help. Not all people , or meetings are to my liking, but I get something from each and every one

It is 3:20 am here and I was passing thru , and just had to check the posts, and there was yours, I just HAD to answer. I am so pleased for you WL

" just dont pick up the first drink today "

Love ya

HUGX
Lee

Sugasnaps

Winelover... Wow... just... wow! That was such a wonderful recount of your first meeting. I am soooooooo proud of you and I'm so glad you are proud of you too! You should be! Man, it really does take courage to walk into the meeting the first time. And you?!?!?! Look at you?!?!?! You're in a foreign country for goodness sake! Talk about adding to the intimidation factor. But you did it.

You did it.

You did it.

You did it.

You did it.

You did it.

Congratulations and hang in there. You are stronger than you think you are... you proved that!

I'm so happy for you right now. **{BIG HUGS}}

Suga

raerob

Not too long ago, you hadn't even made ONE MEETING...so, you've definitely made progress...which is what we in AA advocate: "Progress not Perfection"

It's already been said here that, the 90 in 90 is a "suggestion", not a mandate. You'll also find some AA's who are so hard-nosed they insist it must be "a meeting a day" for the 90 days in order to qualify. "Bull-Dinkey," I say. I did do the 90 in 90; but, it was accomplished by doubling and tripling up on some days, because it was absolutely impossible to make a meeting every day.

IMHO...it isn't necessarily the number of meetings you attend, but the quality of time you spend at them. You could make only one or two meetings a week and get more out of them and give more back at them than someone who does 180 in 90!!!

As for the woman and the gift of the book, just make sure you read it!

Quote:

She even gave me her phone number and took mine to give to the leader of a meeting that generally has more women.

She sounds like "old-time AA"...I hope you see more of her at the next meetings you're able to get to.

c'est la vie

Well, I went to another meeting but had a completely different experience. I had a miserable Monday and Tuesday so I knew I needed to get to a meeting today just to see if it would make a difference. There were so many people this time that the people who arrived late had to get extra chairs out.

The topic was "As Bill Sees It". The "guest" read a passage then talked for a few minutes about how he relates and then everyone shared their thoughts on the passage. I really liked it, but I wish we could have talked about several different passages. Today it was relating to a higher power and how "God" is not the required ingredient, but rather just having something outside yourself. It was interesting hearing how people interpreted this, especially since there were many non-Christians there.

Unfortuantely, even though I enjoyed listening to everyone, I didn't feel fulfilled or happy afterwards. Once again I didn't announce my name since I didn't feel comfortable saying, "Hi, I'm *** and I'm an alcoholic." Nobody made me feel weird for not talking so that was good, but I wanted to talk to the leader of the group afterwards to introduce myself and ask how to say my name but not say that I'm an alcoholic. Right now I'm simply trying to learn what I can about myself. So I went up to him but he was talking to someone. I waited a brief moment then went to get my coat and came back. He was talking to someone else but this time he looked at me. I thought since he noticed me standing there he would finish his casual conversation and say something to me, especially since I stood out in the meeting as the "newbie". He didn't so I left. I was so upset that I didn't feel moved by the meeting and then couldn't even talk to this guy (or anyone else for that matter - what a difference in the crowd) so I went to the sanctuary of the church and prayed. Actually I complained and pleaded, then left.

Right outside the cathedral was the guy from last week who made me cry so I went up to him and asked his opinion of what to say at the beginning of the meeting. He suggested saying, "I'm *** and I have a desire to stop drinking." Duh, I did think of that among other possibilities but wasn't sure how weird that would be. I'll try that next time.

So anyway this is when the day started looking up. He was there with a pal from the meeting and he asked if I would like to join them for coffee. So we went to a cafe and talked. I was a little nervous but kind of happy too. I laughed at their response to some of the questions they asked. These were the good ones that really threw them off their expectations:

Do you ever drink alone? Yes, I don't drink much with other people anymore.

What's your drink of choice? Anything I can get my hands on. (Beer, wine, vodka, gin, tequilla, champagne, cognac, amaretto, kahlua,... anything left in the cupboard)

As odd as it sounds, I really felt...um...included when they laughed at each response and said "See you really are one of us." "You've got quite a portfolio." Looks can be deceiving, because I think they were expecting a high society chick who had one too many champagnes last weekend and decided to call it quits or a little housewife who had a glass of wine each evening and thought it was overboard.

Then I found out that the one guy had something he planned to do and did this instead because that's just the way it works. I felt guilty but happy that I was important enough. So I've had a good day ever since my coffee.

Now why am I still so stubborn about accepting that I'm an alcoholic. I keep telling myself that I'm just going through a bad patch of life and "this too shall pass". I also tell myself that it's weak to rely on a group to help me do something that sounds so easy to do and many people have done without AA - stop drinking. I'll just keep muddling through. At least I'm moving forward even if it's slow. Two steps forward, one step back is still moving forward, right?

c'est la vie

Wow, I just looked at my post and whew it's long. Sorry I'm so longwinded. I just feel good writing about it.

Cathy31

Winelover
One of the answer is : why 'just' stop drinking when you can do so much more...via the program of AA? Why settle?
I think you're doing great (maybe the person he was talking to was also new?? but look at the timing you ran into your new friends, how cool!
It's normal to question and agonise. You don't need to label yourself or commit to anything...if you don't drink today, it's about 8pm ish right, then you've done incredibly well today on many counts!
Well done!
Cath3y1
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