jslilhelper

Hello everyone! This is my first post and I am really glad I found this place. I am sober but I have a friend (who I will call J) who has had some problems. I have known him for a little over a year and I really care about him alot. He has had problems with narcotics for a long time (longer than I've known him). Two weeks ago he OD'd and was taken to the emergency room by his mother and went to detox. He got out last week. He used to call me everyday and we would hang out all the time. After he got out of detox, he called me consistantly for a few days, but he has stopped.

He hasn't called me at all this week. I've called him a couple of times to check up on him and see how he is doing. I just don't know what to do. I have never dealt with anyone recovering from this. When I call him, he is so depressed and he is craving pills badly. He is going to NA meetings regularly. He hosted one tonight. He has always been honest with me about his using, so I don't think he would lie to me if he started up again. He tried to quit on his own a couple of months ago and he admitted to me when he failed.

My question is: Can I help him? Should I help him? Do I give him space? What do I do? I want to be there for him, but #1 I don't really know what to do and #2 I don't want to crowd him. We are not technically in a relationship (I would like to be one day, when he's more stable) so I'm not exactly his girlfriend. But I don't want to give him space and then him think I don't care about him. I battle with depression, so I know those thoughts of "No one cares for me" can creep up sometimes. I want to help him and be there for him, but I don't really know how and I don't want to crowd him either. Please help.

J's Lil' Helper

raerob

Hi, JLH! You say you're sober; but, you don't say if that means you're sober through the AA program of recovery, meetings, etc. You say your friend is making regular NA meetings, and seems to be taking an active part.

It may very well be that he has been advised by those at his meetings that it is strongly suggested not to get involved in any relationships for the first year of recovery. That may be why he is "keeping his distance" for now. It's important that his primary purpose right now should be to concentrate on his program of recovery.

If you can let him know in subtle ways...without making him feel pressured...that you are rooting for him, that would be in the best interests of both of you. Just be patient...if it's meant to be, it will be.

jslilhelper

Thanks for the reply. I don't do any drugs and I've been a social drinker. I've never been addicted to either. I definitely don't want to pressure him. I can't even begin to imagine what he's going through. I just know how I get when I get really depressed and I just want him to know that I care. I don't want to push him into anything he is not ready for. I didn't know about the wait a year for a relationship thing. That makes sense. Thanks for your help.

LeighC

jslilhelper,
I just wanted to say be patient. I know for me when I get clean I get very depressed. I can't speak for your friend but i have been doing drugs for a very long time and I really don't know who I am clean. That may make absolutely no sence because I really don't know how to explain it. I just know I feel very uncomfortable around people when I'm not high. That may be something he is experiencing right now. He may simply be trying to discover who he really is. Also when I get depressed I tend to isolate myself from everyone, he may also be going through that. Just remember that if he's staying clean he must be doing something right.Just give him time to deal with everything he's going through. Try sending him a card letting him know that you are his friend and want what is best for him. Be supportive, be his friend and give him space. I hope everything works out. LeighC