Hello! Newbie here....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Lemoore, california
Posts: 3
Hello! Newbie here....
I have been reading information on the site for a couple of days. I have an alcoloic husband and things are not great right now. After being sober for 8 months he went back out for "more research". I know that he has a disease and I can't cure it. I understand that he and I are powerless over the disease. He goes to AA and now has a sponsor again after not having one for 3 or more months. We are both willing to try to do what we both have to in order to work on our relationship.
I went to my first Al-Anon meeting the other day and plan on going to more....I would really like to hear from people that have had to make decisions reguarding the well being of their family.
We have a daughter and I am concerned about what it is going to be like for her growing up in this.
When do you draw the line and say to yourself " I know that this disease is messed up and I would be better off with out the alchoholic"?
I know that I do not have any answers about what will happen next and there may not be. I know that at some point that spouses have to make that decision (stay or go).
For now we will be staying and trying to get help. I guess I just want to hear what others have done.
Thanks.......
I went to my first Al-Anon meeting the other day and plan on going to more....I would really like to hear from people that have had to make decisions reguarding the well being of their family.
We have a daughter and I am concerned about what it is going to be like for her growing up in this.
When do you draw the line and say to yourself " I know that this disease is messed up and I would be better off with out the alchoholic"?
I know that I do not have any answers about what will happen next and there may not be. I know that at some point that spouses have to make that decision (stay or go).
For now we will be staying and trying to get help. I guess I just want to hear what others have done.
Thanks.......
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Welcome to SR Noggin...you have found a great place for support and
understanding. Everyone's bottom (or where you draw the line) is different.
You will hear alot around here that "when the time is right you will know."
Keep coming back, glad you are here.
understanding. Everyone's bottom (or where you draw the line) is different.
You will hear alot around here that "when the time is right you will know."
Keep coming back, glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome to SR... we are glad you found us.
Patty is right... it is said that when the pain of staying is greater then the pain of leaving... you will know.
*shugs* they are wise and wonderful, but I tend to beat my head against the wall... My ex-abf left me, He had been sober and in AA about 3 month and then he decided that he no longer loved me when he met someone in AA that understood him. To be quite honest I probably owe that women and my ex a big thank you .... cuz I would probably have stayed and continued to become crazier then I already was.
I did however get on my knees and ask God to direct my life (of course he did not choose to direct it the way I told him I wanted it) but direct he did and today Im a much happier, sainer person.
Nobody but you knows when enough is enough... I doubt anyone will try to tell you either. My only suggestion would be to get the tools you will need to either stay or go. I used Al-anon, reading, and SR... and I had many years of counceling before that... Its a long journey but one worth making.
Stick around, we look forward to getting to know you
Patty is right... it is said that when the pain of staying is greater then the pain of leaving... you will know.
*shugs* they are wise and wonderful, but I tend to beat my head against the wall... My ex-abf left me, He had been sober and in AA about 3 month and then he decided that he no longer loved me when he met someone in AA that understood him. To be quite honest I probably owe that women and my ex a big thank you .... cuz I would probably have stayed and continued to become crazier then I already was.
I did however get on my knees and ask God to direct my life (of course he did not choose to direct it the way I told him I wanted it) but direct he did and today Im a much happier, sainer person.
Nobody but you knows when enough is enough... I doubt anyone will try to tell you either. My only suggestion would be to get the tools you will need to either stay or go. I used Al-anon, reading, and SR... and I had many years of counceling before that... Its a long journey but one worth making.
Stick around, we look forward to getting to know you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Lemoore, california
Posts: 3
Thank you! I appreciate all of the support I can get. I have been faced with making the hardest decisions of my live, EVER, in the last couple of years. It's good to know that when all the craziness is going on inside my head that support is there to try to think more rationally and not to react so irrationally.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I agree with what others have said about "you will know." And I also want to say that your decision doesn't have to be your *final* decision. You can decide to stay for now, but decide later to leave. In my case, I decided I had enough and couldn't live with my H anymore. He moved out. Now he is 3+ months sober and seems willing to work on other issues. I, too, have changed my crazy, controlling, codependent ways (at least to some extent 
) and am now contemplating the idea that maybe we can work things out. Just keep doing what is best for you TODAY and the tomorrows will work themselves out.
) and am now contemplating the idea that maybe we can work things out. Just keep doing what is best for you TODAY and the tomorrows will work themselves out.
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