sadgrandma

Hi ;
I'm new here. Have just read some of the posts from Distraught Mom. Wanted to add.... me too!

I've been enabling my daughter's poor choices almost all of her adult life. At least 16 years.
I'm not sure when it started...Drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, homelessness. Finally, she got pregnant(not married) and had a lovely little boy about 4 years ago. There was a period of sobriety for her, but not for me! I worried each day all day long. I tried everything. Now she's headed back into the swamp...dangerous boyfriend who is a user and violent. I am very afraid for the child.

My heart hurts.
And I'm angry.

I don't know what the next thing is, but I am going to change.
Doggone it!

I shouldn't have chosen the name sadgrandma. Hope to outlive it.

Peacefulpie

Grandma to the family.....

deedee

Hi Sadgrandma:

Welcome to this lovely place. I'm also the mother of an addict and this site and the programs of alanon/naranon have helped me get MY life back. Look around and especially read the power posts at the top of the alanon and naranon sections. There is so much caring and wisdom here and we learn and grow together.

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter and it is especially sad when a child is involved. Please know that you are not alone and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

hugs,

deedee

Laceejoe

Hi, and welcome to the boards. I'm a sad grandma, too!! It will get better with time and alot of hard work---but, believe me when I say----It's worth it!!! The people here are full of love and hope for a better future. You DO deserve a good life, and please don't forget that. Alanon is a wonderful start, and I'd suggest going to some meetings in your hometown. Please keep coming back here to the boards----we're all a family and share from our hearts!! Love, Laceejoe

sadgrandma

I have a question about something...I have been so frustrated that I have just told my daughter that I don't trust her at this point. That was last night. All today, I've been thinking that the Al-Anon thought is that you don't do that...it's unkind. (garg...hard to turn the other cheek) Should I apologize? Or just go on from here? I feel like I need to make some pronouncement to her...like, OK I won't facilitate this anymore. And here's why...etc. She wouldn't benefit from that , right?
I mean if she were to ask, to be puzzled, I would jump at the opportunity to explain.

Is this making anyone laugh?

I'm so angry, and one moment, I feel contempt along with that and another I feel terrible fear and sadness for her.

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Sadgrandma.

You don't have to apologize. You don't have to justify or explain yourself. All you have to do is establish the boundaries YOU want to live by and say no or yes accordingly. I know you want to read her the riot act. I did it a lot and it never did a bit of good. I also understand the hot and cold compassion. Alanon is for you. The steps are to make your life more manageable. We acknowledge that we can't recover for another person, so we stop wasting our time trying to second guess how our actions are going to affect them.

Incidentally, I hit a lot of home runs with my nerf bat my first few months at this. I recommend nerf.

Hugs,
Smoke

bonbon

Welcome Sadgrandma!!!! Glad you found this wonderful place!!! Stick around there are tons of wonderful people who are in your same shoes! The A in my life is my x-husband. We know what your going through.

Many Hugs!

sadgrandma

It's just great to find this. Thank you so much for being here. Over the years, I've gone to quite a few local meetings, but it didn't click. I had to keep trying to save her. It's been a great comfort today to read the posts here.

I DO want to read her the riot act, but will try to find a nerf bat instead!

Thanks

Josie

Sadgrandma,
Another Mom and Gramma here. I sure
know how you feel, especially tonight.
I could ring a couple of necks right now,
I'm so tired of the BS. It's progress
not perfection, and I'm not going to
beat myself up for how I feel tonight.
Have you read Codependent No More, it's
a great book that opened my eyes and
what I could do to help myself, and
TRY and stay out of their chaos.
The kids are another story, I have called
CPS, no report but just to see what
they had to say about the situation.
I don't feel qualified to take over
the parenting role quite honestly, even
if it is for a short time. The kids
have been raked over the coals, and it
really gets to me. I pray about it all,
but especially for the kids.
Keep coming back, we are here for you-
you are not alone.

Hugs,