Do You Think I Should Take Control Of The Finances?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Devon UK
Posts: 16
Do You Think I Should Take Control Of The Finances?
After my AH got me into a lot of debt by using credit cards in my name to draw cash (without me knowing) I told him the only way I would stay with him is if I took full control of the finances.
He now has no access to any money unless he comes through me, we agreed a weekly amount for his 'spends' and I take care of all the bills etc. I manage them so well that I now have all our in/outgoings on spreadsheet that he can look at.
I have had to do this because he just cannot be trusted with money.18 months ago it was the other way around until I was told that I had two hours to raise £3500 or we were to be evicted from our home ! He had hidden all correspence from creditors, that amounted to approx £30,000 where he had not been paying anything and just spending on booze and gambling.
Over the last few months however this arrangement has not been so good as he now continually accuses me of being controlling. There is no way that I can go back to how it was , at least this way I know our bills are being paid. I am wrong in taking this approach??
Sharon
He now has no access to any money unless he comes through me, we agreed a weekly amount for his 'spends' and I take care of all the bills etc. I manage them so well that I now have all our in/outgoings on spreadsheet that he can look at.
I have had to do this because he just cannot be trusted with money.18 months ago it was the other way around until I was told that I had two hours to raise £3500 or we were to be evicted from our home ! He had hidden all correspence from creditors, that amounted to approx £30,000 where he had not been paying anything and just spending on booze and gambling.
Over the last few months however this arrangement has not been so good as he now continually accuses me of being controlling. There is no way that I can go back to how it was , at least this way I know our bills are being paid. I am wrong in taking this approach??
Sharon
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 29
I don't know if it's the wrong approach but I am going to be doing the same thing. I'm not sure what else you can do. I think this is a boundary issue, am I right? What other choice do you have? If he doesn't like it he is free to leave right?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
I had a similiar problem with ex fiancee too. I took control of his
ATM (debit card) and checkbook. He spent the money faster
than he could earn it. If he didn't have money he would go into
town and borrow from everyone willing to lend it to him.
Finally, when his credit ran out with friends he threatened to
call the police if I didn't give him his ATM and checkbook back
to him on the spot....
I gave it all back to him without a blink of an eye after he
threatened me like that.
After he left with his finances in hand, I packed him up and
dropped off his belongings at the local hotel he would no
doubt go to.
I never took control of his money again
and he never lived in my home again either.
ATM (debit card) and checkbook. He spent the money faster
than he could earn it. If he didn't have money he would go into
town and borrow from everyone willing to lend it to him.
Finally, when his credit ran out with friends he threatened to
call the police if I didn't give him his ATM and checkbook back
to him on the spot....
I gave it all back to him without a blink of an eye after he
threatened me like that.
After he left with his finances in hand, I packed him up and
dropped off his belongings at the local hotel he would no
doubt go to.
I never took control of his money again
and he never lived in my home again either.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
The first paragraph says it all.
This was a condition of your continuing in the marriage. You set a boundry and he agreed to it. If now he wants to change the agreement.... well he is welcome to do that but the boundry is the same, SO .... If he takes control of the finances, so be it... for his living arrangement because he will not be living with you.
Boy Im tuff when typing.... honestly I TOTALLY understand where your at, I hate financial duress and will not live like that either. I say stick with the boundry, that was no small amount of debt.
This was a condition of your continuing in the marriage. You set a boundry and he agreed to it. If now he wants to change the agreement.... well he is welcome to do that but the boundry is the same, SO .... If he takes control of the finances, so be it... for his living arrangement because he will not be living with you.
Boy Im tuff when typing.... honestly I TOTALLY understand where your at, I hate financial duress and will not live like that either. I say stick with the boundry, that was no small amount of debt.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Devon UK
Posts: 16
Thankyou for the comments
You are all right it is a condition of him staying, and one that I am not prepared to break. Although not easy, I have little choice, as without this condition I know we would end up with nothing.
The sad thing is that he also knows this, he is an intelligent man BUT an intelligent man who is a drunk!!
My daughter thinks he uses it as a guilt trip to attempt to get me to give him more 'spends' as the weekly amount has gradually increased over the last few months (as is his drinking).
I just wondered how many more of you are in a similar situation..
The sad thing is that he also knows this, he is an intelligent man BUT an intelligent man who is a drunk!!
My daughter thinks he uses it as a guilt trip to attempt to get me to give him more 'spends' as the weekly amount has gradually increased over the last few months (as is his drinking).
I just wondered how many more of you are in a similar situation..
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