Not sure where to post this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: York, PA
Posts: 17
Not sure where to post this
I am an alcoholic, I have 18 months sober. Been in the program for about 6 years. Finally, something clicked. This is the problem. My family of origin, older brother, been in the program for years, in and out, has almost a year, from what I've heard (he and I are not close). Younger brother, normal. Sister?? Not sure, she's talked a little about drinking, but we are not currently communicating. My Mom, went through various pill periods and drinking, but denies, today, that there ever was a problem. Dad long gone.
Problem is this. I have an awesome sponsor, drills the 12 steps and living a spiritual life into me. I love my life. I've changed, I can see it and my Mom is not happy about it. We got into this discussion the other night, because she works down the hall from the addiction clinic (she's in administration) and feels that since her father and both sisters are alcoholics, she knows everything (her words, not mine). She feels that the AA program I am working is wrong and I need to dump my sponsor and that I shouldn't do everything my sponsor says. I've run all this past my sponsor, (she has 19 yrs and feels that the only thing to do for my Mom is pray for her). My question is this, where do I turn? Al-anon? Co-dependent help? ACA? My Mom is getting older and I'd like to try to have some type of relationship with her. Right now she's mad at me, because I said something about God bringing me into this world and she said, "God had nothing to do with it, it was your father and I". Then she hung up. I just need a place to talk to others about this kind of stuff and don't know where to turn. Thanks for listening.
Problem is this. I have an awesome sponsor, drills the 12 steps and living a spiritual life into me. I love my life. I've changed, I can see it and my Mom is not happy about it. We got into this discussion the other night, because she works down the hall from the addiction clinic (she's in administration) and feels that since her father and both sisters are alcoholics, she knows everything (her words, not mine). She feels that the AA program I am working is wrong and I need to dump my sponsor and that I shouldn't do everything my sponsor says. I've run all this past my sponsor, (she has 19 yrs and feels that the only thing to do for my Mom is pray for her). My question is this, where do I turn? Al-anon? Co-dependent help? ACA? My Mom is getting older and I'd like to try to have some type of relationship with her. Right now she's mad at me, because I said something about God bringing me into this world and she said, "God had nothing to do with it, it was your father and I". Then she hung up. I just need a place to talk to others about this kind of stuff and don't know where to turn. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: washington pa
Posts: 104
Congrats!!!!!!!!!
Congrats on you 18 months!!!!! I'd say you been clean for 18 months you're doing something right! I dont think you need your mom's approval on AA and treatments you're a big girl now make your own desicions. Do what's best for you. Keep doin what youre doin and stay strong
Day by day....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: NW GA
Posts: 357
Hi Ripley,
Many congratulations on your 18 months of sobriety. My dad is a closet addict and alcoholic. Most of the drinking went on when I was younger and since then it's been a string of different substances - opiates, pot, valium and whatever else was around at the time. Most recently and ongoing for some time now it's Xanax. It's more socially acceptable if it's prescribed I guess and it's much easier to justify if you have a prescription. But I know for a fact it isn't taken as prescribed - not even close. I don't try to convince him he has a problem. It wouldn't do any good. As you know one must figure that out for themselves for it to be of any benefit.
I agree with princess. What you are doing is working for you and that is what is important. The bottom line is that taking care of you must be number one or as you know, nothing else matters. I have one of those parents who knows it all too and anything against his advice is considered to be directly disrespectful to him. You see he controlled everything about everyones lives for so long it is incredibly difficult for him to accept he doesn't have all the answers.
I too am working on my recovery - I am one of those that learned to internalize my feelings and pain at an early age. I also unfortunately learned that alcohol and drugs did a fine job of covering it all up and keeping it numb. So after staying obliterated and comfortably numb for about 3 or 4 years solid I hit a jagged bottom in my life very hard and dangerously fast.
I had 11 years clean and after a relapse in 2004 I once again quit using my drug of choice in September 2005. I have learned alot about myself and I often think that all of this happened for a reason. I am certainly focusing on healing areas of my life that were never addressed before and played a part in keeping me unhealthy. So in a way, as wierd as it might sound, I am sort of grateful for my relapse. Certainly it would have been better if I could have uncovered these issues and began to work on them without the relapse, but it didn't happen that way.
Stick with your sponsor and the fellowship of people who have grown to love and support you in AA. If you are anything like me - the people in those rooms are often more like family than my own. I feel such a deep connection there and I get unconditional love and respect that I never experienced anywhere else.
Your mom can have her opinion and advice. But my dear you are free white and over twenty one, you are taking care of yourself and doing good things with your life through recovery. I'm slowly learning that I can have strong boundaries and as an adult I can make my own mistakes and choices in this life. I don't have to follow the advice of my father. He may not like it much...but it is what it is....and slowly I'm beginning to get it through his head. I am not 5 years old anymore and you can no longer force your own will upon me.
Many congratulations on your 18 months of sobriety. My dad is a closet addict and alcoholic. Most of the drinking went on when I was younger and since then it's been a string of different substances - opiates, pot, valium and whatever else was around at the time. Most recently and ongoing for some time now it's Xanax. It's more socially acceptable if it's prescribed I guess and it's much easier to justify if you have a prescription. But I know for a fact it isn't taken as prescribed - not even close. I don't try to convince him he has a problem. It wouldn't do any good. As you know one must figure that out for themselves for it to be of any benefit.
I agree with princess. What you are doing is working for you and that is what is important. The bottom line is that taking care of you must be number one or as you know, nothing else matters. I have one of those parents who knows it all too and anything against his advice is considered to be directly disrespectful to him. You see he controlled everything about everyones lives for so long it is incredibly difficult for him to accept he doesn't have all the answers.
I too am working on my recovery - I am one of those that learned to internalize my feelings and pain at an early age. I also unfortunately learned that alcohol and drugs did a fine job of covering it all up and keeping it numb. So after staying obliterated and comfortably numb for about 3 or 4 years solid I hit a jagged bottom in my life very hard and dangerously fast.
I had 11 years clean and after a relapse in 2004 I once again quit using my drug of choice in September 2005. I have learned alot about myself and I often think that all of this happened for a reason. I am certainly focusing on healing areas of my life that were never addressed before and played a part in keeping me unhealthy. So in a way, as wierd as it might sound, I am sort of grateful for my relapse. Certainly it would have been better if I could have uncovered these issues and began to work on them without the relapse, but it didn't happen that way.
Stick with your sponsor and the fellowship of people who have grown to love and support you in AA. If you are anything like me - the people in those rooms are often more like family than my own. I feel such a deep connection there and I get unconditional love and respect that I never experienced anywhere else.
Your mom can have her opinion and advice. But my dear you are free white and over twenty one, you are taking care of yourself and doing good things with your life through recovery. I'm slowly learning that I can have strong boundaries and as an adult I can make my own mistakes and choices in this life. I don't have to follow the advice of my father. He may not like it much...but it is what it is....and slowly I'm beginning to get it through his head. I am not 5 years old anymore and you can no longer force your own will upon me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Heya RipleyLynn,
Sorry to hear about your Mom and how difficult she's acting. There's all kinds of places you can turn to get support. This forum right here is a great place to start. Al-Anon and ACA meetings are also great, you can do either, or both. I've never been to CODA, but I've heard great things about them.
I don't know if this applies to your Mom, but you may want to look into something called a "dry-drunk".
And congrats on those 18months, that's awesome.
Mike :-)
Sorry to hear about your Mom and how difficult she's acting. There's all kinds of places you can turn to get support. This forum right here is a great place to start. Al-Anon and ACA meetings are also great, you can do either, or both. I've never been to CODA, but I've heard great things about them.
I don't know if this applies to your Mom, but you may want to look into something called a "dry-drunk".
And congrats on those 18months, that's awesome.
Mike :-)
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