gabbyabby

I have kind of looked around here and peeked at some threads. Still looking for the definitive answer: how do I know he is an alcoholic?

There are signs, like the drinking every single day - morning and night. But never the appearance of "being drunk". It bothers me. It bothered his ex-wife. He used to hide it. Now, he just brings it home or suggests that he stop off at the bar. He always tells me, now, but his daily life revolves around having a drink. Or two or 5.

It doesn't affect his work. He rarely appears drunk. But he also said it takes a lot to get him drunk, so it means he drinks more because he is tolerant.

Where do I go from here?

Cynay

Welcome to SR... we are glad you found us.

I dont think anyone can give you a definitive answer, but there is one that I can answer without hesitation.

Al-anon is for anyone who has a problem with someone elses drinking. I guess I would suggest you start there.

I hate to lable a person because it is the person drinking that needs to figure out if he has an issue, and if he does what he will do about that issue. For my part I need to figure out if his drinking or behavior is not in line with my personal boundries... can I live with it and most importantly DO I WANT TO.

I know that does not help much, but stick around and more people will be along... we look forward to getting to know you.

robina

Some alcoholics are able to function for years - keeping a job, supporting a family, etc... Some families never experience the truly horrible effects of alcoholism - the mental health problems, the medical crisis, the violence, the criminal behaviour, etc...

In some families, the effects of alcoholism is much more subtle. It may simply mean answering the question: "what is more important in his life? His family, or his booze?"

If the answer is "the booze", then you know there is a problem.

I stayed with a gambling addict for nine years. He never treated me badly, but at the same time, he was never truly present in the relationship. The most important thing in the world was his gambling, not me.

Gabe

Doesn't matter what you call him.
If his drinking is affecting your life, you need to deal with that.
Alcoholic, functional alcoholic, problem drinker...the tag doesn't matter.
What matters is his drinking is causing problems for you and in your relationship with him.
Hiya GA glad you found us.

TomsGirl

Maybe it won't get any worse, maybe he won't lose his job, maybe he won't get a DUI, maybe his health won't get bad, maybe he won't switch to something that will have a bigger "kick" to it ... and maybe it will all happen. Up until about 18 months ago I could count on one hand the number of times I would say my AH was noticibly "tippsy". I had never seen him as I would describe as "drunk". He was a beer drinker only but he could put an 18-pack away in a day and still appear stone-cold sober. If he wasn't sleeping he was drinking. Then he switched to vodka because he wanted the rest of the world to think he didn't drink anymore. So much for that "functional A" I was married too ...

gabbyabby

TY very much.

It has been a rough day, to say the least. I have heard "well, you make me want to drink" (so now I am the cause of his drinking because I nag. He did apologize right after, but what a knife to the heart that was) to "I just won't drink ever again if it causes all these problems."

Right now, I am emotionally exhausted. A nice warm bed sounds lovely!

I am going to think about everything and will see where I need to go from here. Btw, I am learning A LOT here.

pmaslan

GA welcome to SR.....
Remember you didn't cause him to drink.....that is such a load of crap they like to unload on us.....and the idea that he will never drink again is insanity.....
Learn as much as you can about this horrible disease...if you can check out Alanon
in your area....most of all keep coming back glad you found us....