caughtup

I don't want to believe that he has a problem, because then it means I've made a bad choice. After all these years of staying out of involvement since my divorce ... I ended up in a worse situation, not a better one, and I am having a tough time dealing with that. So the fact that he can drink a case of beer a day and then wine and not slur his words or stagger and fall, or act any different, gives me false hope that its ok, when down deep, I know its not. Its hard because I find out more everyday ... uptil last week, I thought he was only taking a six-pac to work each day, not a case ... silly me ... I know, they only let you see what they want you to see ... I am so embarrassed about the situation, I have only told one friend that he is an alcoholic. well, off to work ...

equus

Don't be embarassed - it's surprising sometimes how much people care. They might not always know how to show it, they will make mistakes but good friends do care and that care is priceless.

I think friendships have been a lifeline of support. SR is flippin' amazing too.

dollydo

You cannot control him, you can only control you. His drinking is out of control, it will not get better without help and his desire to quit.

Work on you, if you can set your bounderies and live with a drunk, then so be it...if not,start making a plan to free yourself of him..Only you know whats best for you.

It's your life, live it to the fullest.

Dolly

GettingBy

Why be embarassed? Is it because you feel like you make a bad decision and you should have known better? Well poo to that b/c ALL of us make bad decisions, inspite of "knowing better!" Sometimes I make the same bad decision 10 or 12 times before I finally figure out the better way! (ie. I shouldn't walk through the bedroom in the dark b/c I always slam my knee into the sweater chest! However, I still do it at least once a week! Guess I have more learning to do!)

Looking back in time and second guessing won't do you any good, nor will forecasting the future.

Live in the here and now. Judge your situation as it is. Figure out what you want it to be. And go from there.

Hugs,
Shannon

splendra

(((caughtup)))

Thanx for posting this. It sounds like you are starting to break thru a face the truth. Be gentle with yourself...

caughtup

thanks for the replies, it always helps, yes I think I am comming to terms with facing the truth ... and trying to sort it all out ... where I fit in, and whether or not I do ... thanks for the reminder to be gentle with myself ... I hardly ever am. As for my friends, yes, I am embarrassed that I made a bad decision. And I don't know why I am so afraid, they are great friends and I need them now more than ever, thanks for that reminder ....... keep up the support, I am glad I have this place to come to. Last night we talked for the first time about my concerns about his drinking ... I didn't blame or demand that he stop, I just let him know that I noticed he was drinking more and that I was concerned about what he was doing to himself, and let it go at that, he said thanks for noticing and being concerned, he knows its not good to drink as much. Only time will tell ... of course we have been in the middle of a big fight for 4 days now .. so I am sure he will still drink just as much today, since it is his only way of coping ... he knows I am thinking of moving out ........ but not just because of his drinking .